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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DS to swap his advent calendar with his brother?

46 replies

thn215m · 07/12/2022 15:23

Both children have advent calendars. Eldest has a milkybar one and youngest has a normal dairy milk. I bought them both and they chose which they wanted, I was expecting eldest to choose the dairy milk but he didn't.

He is a picky eater due to feeling sick with certain foods, last year he had a non chocolate advent calendar but he asked for a chocolate one this year. Anyway, since last week he's started feeling sick after eating his chocolate at first I thought maybe as it was the first thing of the day he'd eaten but today he had toast then his chocolate and he still felt sick. He's said he's going to give it to his brother but I'm not sure I want him to have 2 so WIBU to ask DS2 to swap?

OP posts:

butterfliedtwo · 07/12/2022 16:15

What else does the younger brother has to give up for his brother? YABU.

thaegumathteth · 07/12/2022 16:17

This makes no sense

saraclara · 07/12/2022 16:18

The brother is nearly a third of the way through his calendar. It is absolutely and thoroughly his at this point. So no, you don't ask him to give it up.

melj1213 · 07/12/2022 16:39

Honestly don't get some of these responses, as a kid I didn't care what kind of chocolate I got in my advent calendar, I was just excited to be allowed chocolate every day! If one of my siblings wanted to swap part way through the month I wouldn't have cared TBH I'm pretty sure we all just helped ourselves to whichever one we saw first anyway

YANBU to want to do a swap but I would put the control in DS2's hands. So I would couch it as "DS1 isn't going to eat the rest of his advent calendar, DS2 would you like to keep the one you have or swap with DS1's?". If he doesn't want to swap then DS2 keeps the one he has and DS1 just doesn't have one; if he does want to swap then DS2 gets DS1s advent calender in place of his own and you can then offer DS2s to DS1 - if he wants it, great, if not then just eat it yourself in one sitting get rid of it.

Original poster

thn215m · 07/12/2022 18:27

DS1 has had a dairy milk advent calendar in the past and he's been fine. DS2 said he didn't mind which one he had this year, so yes DS1 did choose but DS2 wasn't bothered.

I can't buy another advent calendar as other posters have said it's the 7th of December. And yes he will be fine going without chocolate and as I said last year he had a non chocolate one, but didn't really enjoy it and gave DS2 everything he got so this year I asked what he wanted to do and he asked for a normal chocolate one.

OP posts:

WeepingSomnambulist · 07/12/2022 18:31

It just sounds like advent calendars arent his sort of thing.
He doesnt like chocolate and he gave away all the things he got in the toy one last year.

Just dont do advent calendars for him. They're meant to be enjoyable. If he isnt enjoying it then stop.

MargaretThursday · 07/12/2022 18:31

Please don't.

I was the "easy" one of the family and would be approached to "ask to swap". Never felt I had any choice on it.

If your oldest gives his to his brother because it's making him sick, then let him. If the younger brother gives his up spontaneously then I'd probably reward that. Don't ask though.

bridgetreilly · 07/12/2022 18:37

Definitely no swap. Just apologies to DS and maybe another small treat he would like.

GoodVibesHere · 07/12/2022 18:41

Crikey stop fussing, sounds like he's happy without a calendar. Don't let it impact your other child!

MichelleScarn · 07/12/2022 18:46

@MargaretThursday was it made out to look like it would be a 'yay!' exciting fun thing for you to do, or just expected of you? Have seen both and always 🙄 at either!
How do you say you have a favourite child without saying you have a favourite child?.....

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 07/12/2022 18:53

You say you can't buy another one - have you tried? there might still be some out there.
Sounds like favourtism. Check this in all your actions relating to your DSs.

MargaretThursday · 07/12/2022 19:42

@MichelleScarn

It was often presented as "oh you really want this one because it's so much better, don't you", but I didn't feel (normally) able to say that I didn't want to swap. Or as a "oh they've being so nice by giving you this (that they don't want) so you'd like to be nice back, wouldn't you?"

It would be along the lines of: "oh come and look at the dairy milk calendar. Look at the tiny window here. It's just so cute, and the chocolate is much nicer. You can collect all the purple wrappers and make a picture. You couldn't do that with the boring white ones from yours. I think I've got a piece of ribbon the same colour and you can make some Christmas decorations..."
Or the alternative: "ds says you can have his calendar. He's so kind and generous and loves you so much. Isn't he kind? You don't reeeaaallly need two do you. He could have yours because he's been so kind to you...."

And I'd feel I had to say that he could have it, knowing full well it wasn't kindness that meant he'd given it up, but feeling I'd be negatively compared if I didn't.
I remember (aged 3yo) being told I really didn't want the bigger (by about 2.5 times) room in our new house because mine had a nicer view-although the window was so high up I couldn't see out of it.
Actually as I got older, I did prefer my snug den rather than the colder big room, but try telling a 3yo that their room has a nicer view. 🤣

I don't think it was favouritism at all. Never felt it was anyway, and still don't. More that it was an easy option because my siblings were louder in their stropping.

Original poster

thn215m · 07/12/2022 22:55

It isn't favouritism. I don't want to buy DS2 an advent calendar without DS1, as that would also he classed as favouritism wouldn't it?

I also don't want DS2 to have 2.

OP posts:

PollyPut · 07/12/2022 23:42

Get another one. Half price in Tesco. If you insist on getting him a chocolate one that is.

Notimeforaname · 07/12/2022 23:52

I also don't want DS2 to have 2
Then there is no other option but to ask your son to swap 🤷‍♀️

PollyPut · 08/12/2022 00:14

"I also don't want DS2 to have 2"

You have it? You bake and use the other one for decorations?

CountZacular · 08/12/2022 00:27

DS1 is happy to go without. dS2 is happy with his calendar. You scoff DS1’s calendar. All fine.

You are creating a problem where there isn’t one.

AlwaysLatte · 08/12/2022 00:28

Take the chocolates out and replace them with little chocolates that he can eat.

aSofaNearYou · 08/12/2022 10:07

thn215m · 07/12/2022 22:55

It isn't favouritism. I don't want to buy DS2 an advent calendar without DS1, as that would also he classed as favouritism wouldn't it?

I also don't want DS2 to have 2.

No it isn't favouritism, because you bought him one and he decided he couldn't eat it.

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 10:23

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 07/12/2022 18:53

You say you can't buy another one - have you tried? there might still be some out there.
Sounds like favourtism. Check this in all your actions relating to your DSs.

There are loads everywhere.
Home Bargains are selling milky bar ones for 49p

Daftapath · 08/12/2022 10:24

Buy a packet of sweets that he does like and give him one each day in exchange for the one from the calendar?

This doesn't need to be a drama!

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