To be struggling to wean an almost 3yr old off the boob! Help!!!!

[AnxietyIsMyShadow]

In a nutshell my soon to be 3yr old DS is still obsessed by my boobs, will scream blue murder if he’s not allowed to feed whenever he likes, and it’s driving me INSANE, constantly being groped and screamed at for a boob. He’s a real tantrummer anyway and sleeps appallingly and I’ll be honest sometimes as much as I have grown to detest being pawed at in this way, it’s the only thing that calms him down. Having never ending work done on the house meaning I am sharing a bedroom with him and he will on a nightly basis climb into my bed and at regular intervals wake up and help himself to a boob. Any attempts to stop him are met with hysterical crying and throwing himself about, at all hours of the night. I have no idea how long we will be sharing a room for.
I genuinely wish I had just bottle fed, all the good breastfeeding has done me 🙄
has anyone been in a similar position and is able to offer advice please?
i’m sure lots of people will say I have to grit my teeth and refuse and eventually he will accept the breastfeeding days are done, I am just dreading actually implementing this and the trauma/screaming/even worse sleep around it all.

Do you have a partner? If so, can you go away for a few nights to break the habit?

Just a sympathetic hug. My sister exactly the same many years ago. I just took my new phew off her for a long weekend & let him scream & get over it. Water in a cup. Actual food.

She got peace & a good rest & let her milk dry up, he broke the habit. I didn't sleep for a weekend.
Worked a treat. (Bloody nightmare but it worked

She bottle fed next baba from 6 months.

I've a friend who have used plasters on their nipples to tell LO they don't work any more. I was skeptical but it worked, would it be worth a try?

I have the same with my autistic 2 year old. Absolutely obsessed and has meltdowns if I don’t feed her 😞 hoping things will get better when she starts nursery if we can get her support in place

That sounds really stressful. Are there any situations where he doesn't want it? E.g. if you are out and he is distracted? Any good, reliable distractions at home?

Does he go to nursery at all?

It sounds like he relies on breastfeeding to a large extent for his emotional regulation, do you get the sense that's something difficult for him in general?

because you haven't done anything wrong and it's not a fun situation to be in, I hope you won't get people pointlessly saying you should have stopped months/years ago because that's a. Not true, and b. Not helpful in the slightest even if it were!!

I would recommend attending a La Leche League meeting (online or in person). They’re used to supporting mothers through this and others you meet will have experiences to share.

There are some tips towards the end of this article, including “Don’t offer, don’t refuse”: www.laleche.org.uk/thinking-of-weaning/

I would also ask on an LLL Facebook page, somewhere like LLL South East London used to be very active with advice. Good luck and well done for making it this far.

My friend put StopNGrow, the stuff for nail biters, on hers ! Her ds was older though. She told him that after a while the milk starts stating horrible, and he agreed and stopped.

Oh that's a clever idea, that stuff is horrid lol

Does he go to nursery? What happens at other times? What else does he drink?

I think the best way is to make him make the decision himself, by making feeding not nice for him, so I really like the Stop'n'Grow idea ?

We all know toddlers can have epic tantrums, which we'd all like to avoid if at all possible 😱

Is there anything else that he particularly hates the taste of that might work ?

I'd also recommend buying yourself a 'onsie' to sleep in, and wear a normal (not a feeding one) to bed every night. That way he can't simply 'help himself' ?

Through the day, I'd try to distract him by playing or going out to the park etc, and there's always bribery ? Maybe the Xmas elf/Santa Cam can always be 'watching' to see whether he's a 'big boy' now and so deserves 'big boy' presents from Santa etc ??

I feel your pain, but you'll find something that'll work for you both.

I stepped back slowly. Once he was one there was no boob outside the house, then no boob until after lunch/dinner. Then only at bedtime and at night. Then eventually we decided no boon at all. Took ages to fall asleep at first but worked in the end!

I remember those days! Sending sympathy.

I started by limiting it to before & after bed and nap time, so 4 times a day. I explained it to DS but can't remember what excuse I gave for the limit being put in place (not as much milk any more maybe?).
The structure really helped as I was never really refusing but simply delaying. ("It's not nap time yet.") And it was an easy routine to stick to (v important as being consistent really helps). When DS dropped his nap, both those feeds went. Then I dropped the final 2 one by one.

Good luck!

DD insisted on a bedtime feed.
I made sure I went out every evening for
A few days in a row. Worked fine.

Watching with interest. 2 year old who screams for "Mummy Booby"

@OnTheBackOfMyFoot
we did exactly that except my LO was 30months. Reduced one thing at a time, boob outside home, then during the day, until it got to once before bed. Then one day she just said no milk mummy and I just put the boob away and she went to sleep (she was super tired that day). The next day I didn’t offer her milk at all. And to my surprise that was it. She has had breast milk for over 6 weeks now. And my goodness do I sleep better without having to wake up to feed her again!

Someone else needs to take him for a few nights, if possible.
I just offered a hug instead, and cuddled my DD to sleep.
Also try wearing a top that will stop his access to your milk.
If it’s having a bad effect on your mental health, it’s ok to be firm and let him tantrum.

I had the same, obsessed and wouldn’t sleep without it. Garlic nipples and two sports bras didn’t stop her. Around her third birthday, i physically restrained her in bed and said she could have once I’d counted to 50/100/whatever, but that every time she shouted “boobs” we’d go back to one. It worked!! We went back to one sooo many times and yes she was distraught but by the time I eventually got to 50, she was asleep. Took a few nights and then she was fine.

Can it be done gradually, that might be easier? Mine stopped at 3 but he was rarely breastfeeding then. I think we stopped any night feeding at about a year. He naturally started sleeping better so my husband went to him if he woke and then after about a month I could go to him and he wouldn't expect to be breastfed. In the day he would breastfeed before a nap and before bed and that was probably until he was 2ish. Then gradually it was less and less until.it was just before bed. Then I got a chest infection and fractured my ribs coughing so I couldn't do the pre bedtime feed so we stopped. We would have tried to do that gradually too. The plan was to change bedtime so the focus was on something else like reading a book.

I think doing doing things gradually but consistently is key here...he is probably feeling confused about where the boundaries lie around breastfeeding (as even you seem so yourself) which at his age he is old enough to understand and have explained to him in an age appropriate way, but may need easing into bit by bit.

Perhaps begin by gradually shortening the feeds down each time he wakes to feed, perhaps by using a sand timer to help his understanding, then saying that once the sand has gone he can have lots of drink or cuddles but milk is all gone now.With the intensity of his reluctance i think that this would suit him better than a 'cold turkey' approach.

I think people suggesting 'go away for afew days' 'stay away from him for a few nights' etc is harsh....you and your boobs are clearly his comfort and always have been , just as some children have a dummy/teddy/blanket etc.

But perhaps you could introduce another one of those comfort items' to slowly try and use to replace your boobs? Maybe go out and buy a special Teddy together...something he can wake up and seek comfort from.

If you think it was easier, could he have a toddler bed next to yours so that he was still close but perhaps not constantly reminded of lying attached to you feeding every time he wakes?

Finally, is he getting plenty of close contact and quality time with you doing the day? Is he worried/insecure/scared about anything? As often the biggest need from breastfeeding in toddlers is the closeness, comfort and quality time it brings with Mummy.

The problem is at this age, going away for a couple of nights doesn't always work. That's a weaning technique that works for babies and young toddlers, because it's long enough to interrupt the pattern for them, but older children remember and expect to carry on when you get back.

The taste also won't work unless he's on the verge of stopping and just needs a nudge.

Clothing can help if combined with other techniques such as building up a lot of distraction or even swapping for a reward (similar to dummy fairy type thing) - but again if child is very attached/dependent this may be harder.

I fed DS1 until he self weaned, I thought he would never stop but he did. They do all stop by themselves. It just might be longer than you imagined.

I had to stop with DS2 as I was so fed up, I had aversion and it was really bad. But he wasn't as boob-obsessed. He barely even fed in the daytime to start with, so I was able to say no just wait until nap time, and then he dropped his nap, so it was only bedtime and during the night.

I managed to get him off the night feeds by building in a delay before he fed and cutting him off before he came off by himself, then I'd rock him so he was soothed, if he was sleepy enough, this would eventually put him back to sleep.

Children with neurodiversity (ASD, ADHD etc) anecdotally seem to rely on breastfeeding longer than their neurotypical siblings/peers. OP you mentioned frequent tantrums and sleep issues as well as the high reliance on BF - it might be something to bear in mind.

In response to BertieBotts last point:
"Children with neurodiversity (ASD, ADHD etc) anecdotally seem to rely on breastfeeding longer than their neurotypical siblings/peers. OP you mentioned frequent tantrums and sleep issues as well as the high reliance on BF - it might be something to bear in mind.",
I would add to my last post that my DS was later diagnosed as autistic. I think BF really helped our bond in those difficult years & looking back I don't regret it. However, it was tough at times and (for me) definitely needed regulating towards the end for my sanity.

This is why I weaned off breast for day feeds at 6 months. DC breastfed when she wakes up at 4-6, then bottles for rest of the day.

Personally I would just let him cry it out. Few hours of torture but he'll give in.

I know this post is old - but OP I wonder if you are still active on MN. I would love to know what you did in the end as I am in the exact same position with my 2 year old!