Mental health episode

[Dontgothereagain]

Posting here for traffic. I feel really ‘off’ today. Like something awful is going to happen. I’m at home with my baby today and it’s my day to collect my 2 other children from school today. I don’t want to leave the house. I just want to stay home and hide.
I don’t want to tell my ex(who I have a good relationship with at the moment) about this in case he holds it against me in the future.
what can I do? There’s no one else to collect the DC from school. I just want them to stay with their dad tonight so I don’t have to deal with anything ‘real’.
I know this is aibu, but please be gentle. I’ve suffered with anxiety for many, many years. I take medication for it, but I still have bad days. GP won’t increase dosage as I’m still breastfeeding

Anyone?

I get this sometimes - not sure I have much useful advice but really want to send sympathy. The way I get through it is by going on auto pilot and just constantly reassuring myself that it will pass, it will pass, it will pass.
In your shoes, I would perhaps consider lying to my ex and saying that I had a tummy bug, migraine or some other non mental health reason for him to take the kids.

@salemsongbird i have considered doing this. Hate lying though and don’t want to jinx myself

Doesn’t help that I’m absolutely broke, scared to put the heating on, need to go to the supermarket for something for dinner tonight, then cook, then tidy, then listen to them fighting, then attempt to get them to go to bed, then argue with them about getting dressed in the morning. I just can’t face it all

Sounds like you really need him to take them. I would just send even a vague message saying you are feeling really under the weather and would he mind taking them, don't even have to go into specifics. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, I hope you have some friends or family who you can chat to about it IRL xx

What if he says no?

A sense of impending doom can actually be a symptom that indicates you need a check up; if your GP isn't sympathetic then call 111.

@Thelnebriati really? I’m what way?

@Theinebriati that's really not helpful to sometime whose anxiety is already through the roof.
OP try to deal with one thing at a time. First off all yr ex to have the kids, IF he says no, you can deal with that after. But you won't know till you ask him.
Then try to get yr head round a trip to the shop. It's lovely and bright out there and a bit of fresh air might help a little bit.
Sorry you're going through this.

I meant "ask your ex" sorry

He’s said no

I've lived with anxiety and PTSD so severe that I've been hospitalised. One thing I've had to learn to do is distinguish between symptoms that can be very similar.

If your meds are not working, or you have a new symptom, either talk to your GP or 111.

Jesus Christ
Really

I'm so sorry OP. I've had a somewhat similiar issue and can really empathise. Reading your update it looks like your ex has said no to having them? (I'm pissed off on your behalf). I wish I had some really useful advice. Even if no one else can take the kids is there another mum who goes past your house who could drop them off for you? Or might a walk help? I would take literally everything off your plate that isn't urgent. Kids can have the simplest possile dinner (beans on toast, soup, cheesy bread, takeaway if you can afford it) and as much TV as they like. Don't bother with anything non-essential. Can you speak to your GP again? Have you had any therapy?

You are doing a lot of your own, it's so overwhelming to think of everything you need to do. If you can... label the anxious thoughts as unhelpful, they will not help what you've got to do. Try to go and get something easy for dinner from the shop, get yourself chocolate. Cut corners if you have to tonight skip bath, get them in pj's as soon as they get in so it's done and stick a film on (tell them movie night?) It won't address your anxiety but make things easier for yourself, you are doing amazing looking after 3 kids on your own. It's no wonder you're overwhelmed.

I’m having a day like this op and it’s absolutely shit. I’m literally just doing what I feel like (mostly lying down) with 5 minute bursts of getting bits done when I have a little bit of energy, I’ve mostly shut down. I’ve managed to make the living room look a little tidier. I couldn’t wash up but I’ve made the kitchen more presentable. I’ve only just managed to have a shower and get dressed in fresh clothes (threw on last nights clothes and put a hat on so I didn’t have to brush my hair when doing the school run this morning). I feel a little better after my shower and I’m thinking about cooking dinner now so the kids can just reheat it when they get in to save me doing it later. I’d love to have a go at the dining room floor which is minging at the moment but I think that’s a bit too ambitious for today. As for the kids, I’m making sure all devices are charged and they’re getting free rein to all iPads and consoles today to give me a break. Everything else will have to be dealt with literally one moment at a time, think too far ahead and you’ll get overwhelmed. I’ve had days so bad I’ve literally had to break them down to minute by minute. Like you, the last thing I want to do right now is go outside, but I’m actually contemplating on taking the kids to the park for 20 mins after school. I can barely be bothered most times but it does take the edge off the pestering and bickering when they come home tired, especially when I can just shove dinner in the micro afterwards (might let them loose on some Xmas chocs after). You could do similar, maybe even turn it into a Xmas movie night to keep them quiet (you don’t mention their ages I don’t think). You can make a diabolical day for you a little easier while making them thinking they’re getting a treat x