To expect DH to take time off too?

[SeenAndNot]

We’ve had a week of sickness. DC2 was off Thursday Friday with a fever. DC3 came down with it Friday evening. I came down with it Saturday midday, shakes chills, couldn’t get up. DC3 was so ill Sunday I called 111 arranged an OOH appointment (which I had to take them to despite feeling because, football) . DC3 got antibiotics and has still been unwell all week and still off school today.

I have taken every single one of these days off. I’m self employed working from home, but I was already overdue on several contracts, and now I’m a week further behind with about 3 weeks work that has to be before Christmas. I was exhausted before all of this and I’m at breakdown point. I sat in my car last night sobbing wanting to drive off. I told DH on Sunday that I needed him to cover some time.

I begged him last night to help, and he just responded he can’t take time off, he’s not his own boss, he has to get permission from his boss. (He works 9-5 typical office job)

AIBU to think he should take emergency leave to care for dependents? I can not get any work done with sick children at home.

It should be shared as equally as possible

Of course you’re not being unreasonable.

You shouldn’t be in a position where you have to beg him, he’s not your boss. Can you possibly tell him that you’re going to your mums/ hotel for a few days to get things done and he needs to step up?

Does he always make you the default parent?

We share it equally as much as possible in our house.
I'm still trying to understand why you had to take your child to the OOO GP because your DH, father of said child, couldn't possibly miss a football match???!!
Does he have any redeeming qualities?

This.

Yea I’m always the default parent. It happened after DC when I returned to work - any time they were ill I had to take time off, probably not a suprise they made me redundant. I was a SAHM briefly for a year when kids were little then before I established my own business, then as the business started (and was paused because of lockdown) I did everything for long time, but now my business has taken off I’m still left to do everything. Maybe I’ve made a rod for my own back but whilst I was a SAHM it made sense I did the lions share.

Anything like medical appointments, or arranging medical help all falls down to me. he cleans and folds laundry, but I feel like he’s still living like he was a single man.

How old are the children?

My ExH was like this, he had an ordinary 9-5 office job, whereas I was normally at work 10 hours per day as a cover cleaner within a large area.

Heaven forbid he ever took time off from his Big Important Man Job to care for unwell DC, even though I earned more than him and was more likely to lose my job through excessive time off. He just couldn't be arsed to look after the kids, and would've spent the whole day gaming anyway.

Your DH should do an equal share with you - you need to recover too! It's hellish when you're all unwell, and you have my sympathy.

If I hadn’t of taken DC he would have cancelled the appointment. He didn’t think it was bad enough. DC had fever of 40.7 and strange rash and was shaking like a leaf.

I hit post to soon, but I do hope everyone gets better soon. Keep up your fluids, your vitamin c, rest etc.

5,7,10

Sorry that was ages

He’d have left your child in a potentially life threatening situation because of the football??

I think your problems are worse than him not taking time off work, it sounds like he doesn’t really recognise you or the children as people at all.

Most couples both work 9-5 office jobs and have to work out time off between then. If you're too ill to look after them he needs to be taking time off! If you are well enough to work it might be fairer to have 50/50 time off, or even he has more off because he could use paid annual leave and you cant

It happened after DC when I returned to work - any time they were ill I had to take time off, probably not a suprise they made me redundant.

I thought this was bad until I read this

If I hadn’t of taken DC he would have cancelled the appointment. He didn’t think it was bad enough. DC had fever of 40.7 and strange rash and was shaking like a leaf.

Have you ever given him an ultimatum?

Can’t quite believe what I just read?

Football? Good grief. He needs a swift kick up the arse.

This is getting more and more typical on MN. Shit men who calls their-selves "fathers".

It's a shame! I wouldn't even have to ask mine.

I’m self employed working from home, but I was already overdue on several contracts, and now I’m a week further behind with about 3 weeks work that has to be before Christmas.

Your DH is a disgrace.

When you are feeling well enough to work again, do you have to do it at home? I wonder if you can give him an ultimatum. "I have to get to get this done by Christmas so I will be working at the weekends between now and then and I won't be at home I will be at xyz, so you will be looking after the children and doing the shopping etc." Make sure this includes Sunday 18th when the final is on.

In the New year when you are feeling better read him the riot act and insist on a fairer way of sharing childcare. Or LTV!

Yes multiple over the years. He will say stuff then sometimes it changes sometimes it won’t. He does a lot round the house, so I can’t fault him there.

He was very depressed and shouting a lot a year ago - I gave him ultimatum then and he went to dr and got antidepressants. He’s been a lot better mood wise since then, but still refuses to do the one thing that would actually help (change jobs, it’s so toxic where he works)

Your DH is a twat. It’s actually harder to take time off if you’re freelance because you don’t get parental leave, annual leave, sick pay or discretionary dependents’ leave. You’re just taking time off and not earning.