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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To try for a second baby now

9 replies

Hartshape · 06/12/2022 22:42

I have an 18m old. It took 3 miscarriages, gave birth at 39. Had an ectopic this year, before the new role (not planned). I work for a highly dominated male industry ( I’m an architect - women are prevalent at a lower level, but not well paid). I’m now in a new role with an amazing boss, same firm. It’s a senior management role, but not project based and can give me a better paid, flexible role/good progression if I work hard. The new role has not started well due to terrible illnesses with the toddler and planned holiday, but they all seem happy with me and the work I do.

Husband does a completely equal role in parenting, housework, mental load, so no complaints and is very supportive. He earns about 15% more than me.

We would like to try for a second child. Is it too soon, have only been in the role a few months? Just worried about my age, will be 41 soon. Should we start now, or leave it a bit? It’s been easy for me to get pregnant, it’s just keeping it (although the doctors have narrowed down the issues now and have the necessary treatment).

The role is only for 18m, then I get to choose where I go next, that’s why I’m cautious. I won’t have enough time to make my mark and deal with the rife toddler sickness we are having at the moment.

Also worried about trying and having more miscarriages and needing time off work - have managed to blag it so far with holidays and sickness reasons.

Just need some advice really - all appreciated!!

OP posts:
OnlyFannys · 06/12/2022 22:46

If you get pregnant now you would still have another 9 months to make your mark. With your history (which I am very sorry for btw) I'd probably want to try sooner rather than later considering your age if you plan to have another child. Hope all goes well with your next pregnancy op

DandelionPockets · 06/12/2022 22:50

If it were me and I wanted another child, I would start trying right away. As PP said, you have at least 9 months in this role to show them how good you are.
Good luck!

BabyOnBoard90 · 06/12/2022 22:53

At your age I'd waste no time. Probably would've started trying when first child was a few months.

Good luck

ratmatazz · 06/12/2022 22:53

Given your age and history you should definitely start trying right away. Best case scenario you still have 8 months to work. Your employers will be expecting it tbh anyway and if they've got any sense they'll take the long term view that once you're back after a second you'll be a loyal and valuable employee

Hartshape · 06/12/2022 22:59

Thanks everyone. I’ve worked for this company for 15yrs and I think they respect me. I’ve had a few issues where they have been shit to women and have spoken up so a bit worried about making a name for myself!

OP posts:
Hartshape · 06/12/2022 23:01

DandelionPockets · 06/12/2022 22:50

If it were me and I wanted another child, I would start trying right away. As PP said, you have at least 9 months in this role to show them how good you are.
Good luck!

Thanks, it wasn’t an option for us to try straight away as had to have a section due to previous operations on my womb and was advised to wait at least a year or two for it to be safe and the pregnancy to be able to ‘take’ due to scar tissue. Have the all clear now though!!

OP posts:
ChickenBurgers · 06/12/2022 23:03

With my youngest I had to tell my new manager I was pregnant on my first day. Wasn’t a planned baby and I’d gone for the and given the new job and found out about a week before my start date. Same organisation but a new role and a new face to me. I was terrified, she was absolutely lovely about it.

It may take a while to actually get pregnant anyway, so I would do it personally.

Hartshape · 06/12/2022 23:10

ChickenBurgers · 06/12/2022 23:03

With my youngest I had to tell my new manager I was pregnant on my first day. Wasn’t a planned baby and I’d gone for the and given the new job and found out about a week before my start date. Same organisation but a new role and a new face to me. I was terrified, she was absolutely lovely about it.

It may take a while to actually get pregnant anyway, so I would do it personally.

Thank you! I think this is the assurance I needed!!

OP posts:
StrawBeretMoose · 07/12/2022 00:11

I'd try for the baby now that you have the go ahead, and hoping that it works out, get a nanny for the return to work for the two children. If you really want to impress now and are worried about the impact of time off for sick child then you and DH (who hopefully is sharing the hit) could hire a nanny now which is less disruption for your work when routine childhood illnesses strike.

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