AIBU to be absolutely sick to the back teeth of my sister?

[GoggleboxIsBrilliant]

Hear me out, I have an older sister. She’s 45 I am 30, so there’s a big age difference.

I have two children, one has Cystic Fibrosis & Autism/ADHD my youngest has Autism & global developmental delay so it goes without saying that I am a busy bee.

My sister is a mum of 6. Her youngest is 11 & he’s in high school now, her older kids are ranging from my age to 19. They all drive & so do I. My sister though doesn’t & here’s where I’m absolutely FED UP of her.

When my nephew(her youngest) was in primary school which is the same school my kids go too she would text me most days asking if I’d drop him off or pick him up in the morning (she lives 2 minutes from the school no joke) she can see the school from her house whereas I live 15 if walking & a bit less in the car. It got that bad I said no you’re so lazy.

Now he’s in high school, she’s texting me saying can you take him to school
tomorrow, even though I’ve got to take my little one to school then drive to hospital with my son for his clinic which is 30 mins away in the car. I’ve text & said no I can’t.

AIBU? This is an ongoing issue she is unbelievably lazy & I truly mean that my patience has worn to nonexistent with her & she knows it. It’s can you give me a lift here, can you take your nephew there, will you take me to my appointments. It boils my blood & I’ve told her. I just needed to vent as I do feel bad because I’ve been really blunt with her but I’m not a taxi to her. Sorry about harping on.

Tell her you're happy to help out in an emergency, but not to do the day to day running around and unless she's in a real hole, she should stop asking.

Does she help you out? If so I’d allow it

Why does she want your to take her ds to secondary? Am assuming it’s close by?

Not particular. I know she would if I asked her but I don’t only in emergencies & even then that’s rare. But no, I won’t continue to ferry her around. I’m really busy & help her when she genuinely needs it not when she’s being lazy & asleep in bed most days 😅

Sorry that was to @RunLolaRun102

@Y7drama She actually lives closer to my nephews high school than me. She literally wakes up barely ever in the morning & when she does she goes back to bed at 9 until 12. My nephews attendance in primary school was 70% odd because she would keep him off so she could sleep in. I felt like I was responsible in getting him to school it became so overwhelming I stopped it.

Is there a reason the 11 year old can't take himself to school?!

@Justmuddlingalong I have told her I’m not doing it anymore I’m basically enabling her laziness & I’m just sick of it.

@Longtimelurkerfinallyposts He recently just got a cast off from a broken leg but other than that no, he could happily get the school bus but his friends mum takes him
to & from & my sister doesn’t even offer petrol money. That’s how hard faced she is. I love her but my god I’ve never met a lazier person before.

Why does she stay in bed? Why has she got 6 kids that she doesn't look after? So many why's....

@Itssooooocold my older nephews & niece are adults now so she really only has my younger nephew who’s 11 to deal with. All her other kids go to work full time & some have their own place. She goes back to bed purely because she’s lazy I honestly have no other reason. She’s known in the family as the lazy one so expects mostly me to ferry her around. Which I said I’m not such nice terms tonight to stop asking me now. I just feel a bit bad but I’m sticking to my guns.

In not such nice terms** sorry autocorrect.

Has she ever worked? Could she be depressed? It doesn't sound like much of a life ☹️

But no, YANBU. You've a lot on your plate. And it sounds like you're coping admirably x

I feel like you're drip feeding in order to gain sympathetic replies. Sorry if this is not the case. I can understand why your sister does not know boundaries when you let her trample all over yours but don't say anything and then just moan behind her back..

@Keyansier What exactly would I want sympathy for? 🤔For having a sister who expects me to fetch & carry her whilst she stays in bed most days? I’ve explained in detail how she’s lazy & the things she is always asking me to do.

@Fourdayweekplease Yeah, she worked in the nursing profession but she quit that. I’ve asked her if she’s got depression & she’s adamant she hasn’t. This is something she’s always done even when I was a child, anyone who knows her on a personal level knows her to be very lazy. There’s no motivation. I’ve said to her wouldn’t you feel better passing your test & she says why when you can drive me to places or her partner. X

& clearly you haven’t read anything I said. Since I mentioned in numerous posts that I feel bad for being so blunt with her & telling her to stop asking for unnecessary favours.

You come across a bit hostile tbh, IMO. If this is your general approach then i'm not surprised if your sister got angry at you. Even if you were right, by default you would have automatically lost with the aggressive approach.

I wonder what her kids think. It must be hard to have a mum who you don't look up to and who doesn't want to challenge or push herself. Achieve anything. Just exist. Maybe she's been enabled too long.

I'm in early 40s and have just started a new career after retraining. I have three kids between 7 and 13. Husband away a lot, no family nearby.

I'm busy. Mental. Feet don't touch the ground..but I'm challenged, motivated and fulfilled...I can't imagine living with such apathy. Maybe she needs a course, a life coach, something to shake her out of her fugue. It's clearly impacting on those close to her.

By your calculations she's been having kids since she was 15, so 30 years of parenting so far. I'd be going back to bed too.

Seriously though if the helping out is not reciprocated and it makes your life harder, say no.