To think this for DB is excessive

[Quinner]

To put this in context DB2 turns 40 this year. He is single and has had MH issues although has a decent job and his own flat now so has a reasonable disposable income.

Myself and other DB1 have good jobs, nice homes , holidays but are not what anyone would think of as wealthy.

Over the years we have helped out DB2 as DM reared us mostly alone and needed the support.

DM is kind but expects a lot, particularly when it comes to gifts.

DB1 and I decided to get him a gift of a trip away that would amount to about 250- 300 each.

DM has come in to say she thinks we should all get him a gift that would amount to about 500 each,

We conceivably could afford it but it seems quite excessive - myself and DB1 have children, mortgages etc

AIBU to begrudge this

That's an awful lot of money. It's not up to your DM to decide for you, however well meaning she may be.

That is ridiculous. You say your mother is kind, but this isn't showing kindness towards you or your DB1.
I have a big birthday approaching and I'd be mortified if my siblings spent that much on me.

She is kind @Bronnau but she is very OTT on gifts. It puts a lot of pressure on

What is it with people expecting such high value gifts? I will turn 40 soon snd I expect nothing from anybody. Inevitably I will receive gifts; flowers, books, maybe a meal out, and I shall truly value these, dare I say it ought to be ‘the thought that counts’?

I think what you've already spent is insane. Presumably he will be spending the same on you?

My frame of reference is DH's family. All very well off but gifts even for a big birthday wouldn't go past £20-30 for a sibling.

Your DM can be as generous as she likes with her own money, she doesn't get to spend yours. You already have a plan that is beyond what most would spend.

Say No.
Your original gift was more than generous.

£1500 on an adults present?

Ignore your mum, she doesn't get to decide what other people spend their money on. If she wants to make up the shortfall then let her go ahead. You and your brother are already being incredibly generous!

My partner is like this with his brother. It drives me fucking mental. He lays out hundreds and hundreds of pounds on him on every single birthday and Christmas and in return what does he get us? He gets us a box of chocolates or cheap wine. I tell my DP not to buy him presents but he always does. I agree with you, I would not increase the budget, the mother can make up the shortfall if she so feels the need.

Why is it your mum's business how much you spend on your brother? Your original amount is way more than I've ever spent on a sibling...

That's an enormous amount. £100 each is plenty generous in my opinion, but £500 is bonkers

She can be kind with her own money

Bonkers. If everyone has £500 for a present surely they can buy themselves what they want throughout the year, sack off the presents.

Sorry but that’s a ridiculous amount to spend on a sibling for Christmas! Unless you spend £500 on gifts for every person you buy for.

I’d only splash out on my sibling for special moments for them, passing driving test, graduation, engagement/marriage, special achievements etc but not Christmas that comes around every year. And even then I wouldn’t really spend £500 on them

DM is not being kind to you and your family, is she op?

@knittingaddict She’s not trying to be unkind - she just has some weird thing about excessive gifting. I genuinely don’t know why as she doesn’t have it

It’s a 40th so a big round birthday but still excessive I think

Don't give in to this OP or you will be asked to pay more each time

Utterly ridiculous. The brother would probably be really embarrassed z Not sure what his MH issues have got to do with it though - is this just to add the context that he has in the past needed more support?

Is she pressuring your DB to spend a grand on you and DB1?

No?

Then she can go and whistle with her expectations.

Just say no, that’s more than we can spend. End of.

Your Mum can spend what she likes, but your contribution is your own business.

I would consider a very generous gift to be near the 100 mark...... you have already been extremely thoughtful and g sepia in my opinion x