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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say university has been the worst experience ever

11 replies

Finaldestitution · 06/12/2022 15:41

Due to coming from a dysfunctional home and needing to earn money etc I started uni late . As did most of the class to be fair so that wasn’t awkward. Due to covid first year was done online - brilliant . That was fine. Second year , hated it , continued to work from home and not go in because I didn’t like being there . I felt too anxious and panicky to be on site so I was far more productive at home. Sort of made friends with a couple people . Year 3 , this year. Complete disaster . Just found out I probably have a very serious life threatening illness , probably not a long life expectancy, all I wanted to do was attend an exhibition and show off the work I’ve sat doing week after week , night after night and the space they promised me is now unavailable so I can’t even do that I’ve told them I shan’t bother now , I’ve spent so much money and put hundreds of hours into it and it’ll likely just rot in my shed or go in the bin now . Also the person I sort of made friends with is now ghosting me and I feel too awkward to be there. I’m good at the subject and grade high and will probably get a reasonable grade but now I’m going to be dead before I manage a career and all I’ve done is stress and suffer for three years doing something I thought was my dream but wasn’t .and I still don’t have a friend in the world . My poor kids practically lived at the childminders too.
total. Fucking .waste. Of .precious .life.

just that really .

OP posts:
Calmdown14 · 06/12/2022 17:42

Have you contacted your student support team? They can help advocate for you given the circumstances.

You should have the opportunity to display your work and I'm sure it can be arranged.

Do you want to continue? They will also be able to help you with options that may be open to you such as taking a diploma rather than full degree.

Please access the services available. It is what they are there for. If you are on campus it can also be worth visiting the chaplaincy. You don't need to be religious and it's often a nice place for a chat and a hot chocolate

Dittosaw · 06/12/2022 17:56

I am so sorry for you. I think you need a grief counsellor. I would also speak to the Uni so that your work and your life means something. It’s so tempting to curl into a ball and cry but I really think you would regret it down the line. It’s the shock, the pain and the effort needed making it all seem overwhelming.

You matter and your work matters. If it helps there are probably lots of places that would love to exhibit it.

You want someone to believe in you and help you and nobody is. I believe in you and would love to see your work.

Stay on here and the kind mumsnetters will give you support. Don’t give up. Please.

Keyansier · 06/12/2022 18:03

Aw OP, I am so sorry for you. I really felt your heartache reading that.

Please don't give up. DEMAND that the space is available. Why is it 'suddenly' unavailable after they promised it to you? I would ask why and then ask what they are going to sort out as an alternative, not give them a 'no' option.

Cosmos123 · 06/12/2022 18:08

Get that space you deserve to show your work.

Pray all will be well.

RandomMess · 06/12/2022 18:13
Flowers

My heart goes out to you, please speak to student support.

NosyNeighbour22 · 06/12/2022 18:16

I this won’t really help but I feel exactly the same so you’re not the I only one that feels like this. I started a degree when dc no 3 was 8 months old and it was the worst decision I ever made. Since I started it there’s been covid/ trying to homeschool my 3 kids and keep up with my degree. Then the next year one of my kids as seriously ill and spent months in and out of hospital. I ended up redoing the year as I couldn’t catch up, then my sister suddenly died and I fell behind again. This year I got a job in a field relevant to my degree and I planned to finish my degree while I worked but then I discovered that the job was completely incompatible with the childcare I had available so I had to leave.

I still haven’t finished the degree I’ve spent 5 years and thousands of pounds on, I’ve set up my own business doing something completely unrelated. I feel like an absolute failure, my confidence is at rock bottom and I’ve ruined my dcs childhood with all the stress I’ve been under. Wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to do it!

CarefreeMe · 06/12/2022 18:47

You are blaming the uni when it’s your illness you are angry with.

If you’ve got a life limiting illness then stop stressing about things that are completely irrelevant.

Email your mentor and explain how you would like a space and how to get one.

If you are so miserable then give it up and get a PT job so you can spend some time with your kids and enjoy life again.

Igmum · 06/12/2022 19:50

Sending hugs and a handhold Flowers. Please speak to someone irl. PPs are right, there are so many University services there. Please use them.

Cosmos123 · 06/12/2022 21:24

NosyNeighbour22 · 06/12/2022 18:16

I this won’t really help but I feel exactly the same so you’re not the I only one that feels like this. I started a degree when dc no 3 was 8 months old and it was the worst decision I ever made. Since I started it there’s been covid/ trying to homeschool my 3 kids and keep up with my degree. Then the next year one of my kids as seriously ill and spent months in and out of hospital. I ended up redoing the year as I couldn’t catch up, then my sister suddenly died and I fell behind again. This year I got a job in a field relevant to my degree and I planned to finish my degree while I worked but then I discovered that the job was completely incompatible with the childcare I had available so I had to leave.

I still haven’t finished the degree I’ve spent 5 years and thousands of pounds on, I’ve set up my own business doing something completely unrelated. I feel like an absolute failure, my confidence is at rock bottom and I’ve ruined my dcs childhood with all the stress I’ve been under. Wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to do it!

But your here.

It was your journey. We learn from our past but should not look back but look forward.

Redkettle · 06/12/2022 21:27

You ever need a chat sweetheart PM me x

Finaldestitution · 06/12/2022 22:58

Thanks everyone I did contact the uni. They’ve basically said I can finish the written work from home . As for my display , it was a case of double booking the space and it was inconvenience me or 20 others . I was being fussy about the conditions I needed due to my lighting effects. Anyway…
im making do with another space and if I’m well enough will have the space I want when I finish the degree in spring. I’m just going to finish all the written tasks ready from submission and then I will graduate in a few months. Not sure why it matters so much to me but it does . It’s hard because no one apart from DS’s Dad knows how bad things are and my weirdness and introverted personality make it that I don’t have any friends ( never have). I gave up a high paying , highly professional job to chase this dream and it all feels a bit stupid now but I don’t want to waste what I’ve done . I’ll just be delighted when it’s over that’s all.
It doesn’t help that the full facts about my illness remain unknown for another couple of weeks . I haven’t slept for ages worrying about all this so I’m a mess .

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