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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

EXTREME stress

29 replies

camdenn · 06/12/2022 03:53

Posting for traffic, has anyone gone through an incredibly stressful situation in life? How have you recovered and how long did it take you to feel normal?

I’m not going to bore you with my life but it’s a combination of bereavement of a parent involving police/court action, financial difficulties, weight gain, family issues etc. I feel like I’ll get through the worst of it in a month. But until then my heart is racing 24/7

OP posts:
sunnydayhereandnow · 06/12/2022 04:07

So sorry to hear. Hang in there. One thing that has helped me at stressful times include describing to myself out loud what I’m feeling stressed about and how exactly I feel about it (if you drive on your own it’s a great opportunity to shout it all out). Somehow naming everything out loud helps to feel a bit more in control. When I feel overwhelmed with all the issues it also helps me to think about what, if anything, I can actually do anything about or need to do. Then I break it down into smaller tasks so that I can feel like I’m moving forward even if it’s just with one small thing. And don’t forget self care. Look after your mental health even if it means taking a sick day off work. For me it helps to be outdoors or read a book/go to a museum: something that reconnects me to natural beauty or the long history of humankind, or art, or whatever, to take me out of the here and now for an hour or so.

SeasonaIVag · 06/12/2022 04:19

I’m going through this right now with the bereavement and family stuff.

My sister and I are trying to get through it with good humour and booze

a number of family members have let us down or been really aggressive over funeral arrangements and we feel totally destroyed

i feel for you

camdenn · 06/12/2022 04:25

SeasonaIVag · 06/12/2022 04:19

I’m going through this right now with the bereavement and family stuff.

My sister and I are trying to get through it with good humour and booze

a number of family members have let us down or been really aggressive over funeral arrangements and we feel totally destroyed

i feel for you

This is it! It’s really brought out the worst in some people that we thought would be supportive. Sorry you’re going through similar. Life almost doesn’t feel real right now.

OP posts:
camdenn · 06/12/2022 04:27

@sunnydayhereandnow thank you for the practical advice. I’ve had 2 weeks off work. Work isn’t stressful but I’m having difficulty sleeping. I work with the public, many whom have complex needs so it’s not really a distraction as just reminds me of home😂 I’m just going through the motions.

OP posts:
BlueyDragon · 06/12/2022 05:15

I’m so sorry for your loss, @camdenn.

We usually get through stressful times here with black humour, but I have also taken to doing progressive muscle relaxation. I’m not particularly alternative and I find meditation/mindfulness not necessarily helpful, but PMR is a physical activity with a physiological effect that relieves stress and anxiety. Takes 10-15 minutes and you do it sitting or lying down - if you look on YouTube there are lots, good ones from the University of Utah, the Epworth Institute in Australia and US war veterans support.

Can’t help with the strangeness of others, sorry, people are odd at the worst times.

lifeinthehills · 06/12/2022 05:18

It's taken me years and it will probably continue to take years more. I just prioritise self-care and am careful what I commit to. I don't need more pressure.

OTOH, the stressful times have also opened doors which are truly a gift.

FrogsHiccups · 06/12/2022 05:22

firstly, I’m so sorry for you loss.

it sounds a bit airy fairy (and I’m not an airy fairy person) but for me guided meditation works brilliantly - I started using it when I had a couple of close bereavements and all the stuff that comes with it. If you have Spotify or Amazon music search for The Honest Guys, they have specific ones for stress. Just press play, lie down and close your eyes.

Jackie246 · 06/12/2022 05:51

I’m so sorry you are going through such a hard time, my family went through something similar a few years ago and it was just terrible, my mum was hospitalised with stress. When I went through the most extreme stress of my life earlier this year, my GP medicated me. It numbed me a lot, but also allowed me to keep physically functioning which is what I needed at the time. I’m still on one of the medications and I’m in therapy trying to now deal with the aftermath of it all, but on the whole I’m doing a lot better than I was. Speak to your GP, even if you don’t want medication they may be able to recommend things to help, and sign you off work so you don’t need to worry about that.

Roundandnour · 06/12/2022 06:06

Yes. Four years later and I’m still medicated.

Anyone looking at doing meditation please look further into and the research around it. It really can do more harm than good.

hadenoughforever · 06/12/2022 06:15

Sorry for your loss and to hear how bad you are feeling. I won’t go into my situation that caused extreme stress but I had to see GP (who was wonderful) and go on medication to get through.
Hope you feel better soon 🌷🌷

Fuuuuuckit · 06/12/2022 06:45

The whole of 2022 has been an utter shit show for me. Work (constructive dismissal), chronic illness, new job, unexpected death of a parent (hospital admitted errors, going through complaints process), house sale, family readjustment.

I've found I've really had to compartmentalise stuff - today I only have the headspace for X, and vocalise that to myself and others.

There are times when I'm clinging on by a thread, but it's literally one foot in front of the other some days.

DivorcingEU · 06/12/2022 06:50

Very sorry for your loss and the people making it all worse.

Different situation but I've been under extreme stress for a few years, to the point I have been unable to walk at time (body kind of just shut down).

Don't let yourself get to that point!

I can't do guided (or unguided) meditation as I just feel worse. If it doesn't work for you, bow's unlikely the time to try and push ahead. If it works, go for it!

Prioritise anything that makes you feel good - that isn't unhealthy. So chocolate and crisps have a place, but the more limited the better.

I go for massage when I can, or I go floating (cheaper than massage). Meet up with anybody who cares about me. Watch crap TV (watched so much Below Deck I can probably run a super yacht now) which passes time and is a distraction. I sometimes write it all out to get whatever particular part it is off my chest that day without moaning to a friend.

I haven't gone on medication because I know about the side effects. I maybe would have benefitted at some point but I didn't ever want to. I have a friend who did and it worked well for her.

Get outside for a walk every day (if poss) and best is somewhere with green.

Go to the gym and lift weights. It's good for releasing frustration but I also feel stronger afterwards. U.K. not because I don't do it enough, but the feeling is a nice one!

Oh and don't beat yourself up for doing none of it. Just try one small thing the next day.

The idea is to take the edge off every day (or every few days 😉). It's not really possible to change the situation wholesale.

Differentnamedifferentplace · 06/12/2022 06:59

If you are that stressed, don't do meditation without help. It can make it worse. I learned Transcendental meditation with a teacher, which really helped. When I was at my worst I would go for a walk and just say out loud one foot, now the next, one step at a time, one step. Focusing on the here and now helped.

greenacrylicpaint · 06/12/2022 07:03

it's tough.
sorry you are going through this op

try to schedule 10 min mornings and evenings just for you.
Brew on a park bench. short walk round the block or just sitting by the window watching people go past. concentrate on your breathing.

Findingmypurposeinlife · 06/12/2022 07:05

Baby steps. Give yourself goals for even the smallest of things. And congratulate yourself when you achieve them!
Try and get regular walks to clear your head.

Sometimes you will feel disorientated. It's normal and it will pass.

If you have a lot of things happening at once, try writing things down in a journal. At the end of the day, reflect on the positive things you have achieved for that day. Be kind to yourself.

However difficult this is right now, have some comfort in the fact that ultimately you will come out stronger. It might not feel that way now, but you will. I promise. The fact that you have given yourself a month's timeline is fighting talk! You've got this!

BarrelOfOtters · 06/12/2022 07:06

medication can really help.

failing that a drowsy antihistamine helps you sleep.

I found walking, endless hour long walks ….got me out of the house and away.

dark humour.

smile and nod at the difficult ones while you sit behind invisible bubble wrap so their negativity can’t get to you. Or actively avoiding as far as humanly possible anyone who isn’t supportive or helpful.

look after yourself. Coffee with a friend who’ll listen, or just let you cry, whatever you need.

BarrelOfOtters · 06/12/2022 07:07

And yes it’s shit now, but it will pass.

BeesAndBirds · 06/12/2022 07:10

Counselling was transformational for me. It was a safe space that I could process everything in.

maudesvagina · 06/12/2022 07:23

Stress is in the body governed by the vagus nerve and parts of your brain. Somatic therapies can help as can vague nerve "hacks" and anything that makes you feel grounded and safe. Lots of people on Instagram FB etc with info. Shaking the body/ dancing also can help.

Jellycatspyjamas · 06/12/2022 07:31

Counselling can be great for just giving you space to honestly talk about how you’re feeling and to cry if you need to with a non-judgemental other.

Journaling can also be good for just getting stuff out of your head - you can write about the stuff of the day, the situations that are causing the stress or how you’re feeling. Or draw, or write song lyrics that seem to fit how you’re feeling (I found writing lyrics that fit then trying to write a response really helpful).

This will sound a bit “woo” but try writing the facts of what’s happening with your dominant hand, then write about your feelings with your non-dominant hand - it taps into a different part of your brain and can be really interesting.

I don’t find mindfulness at all helpful but doing something your are fully focussed on can give the same headspace. So make a hot drink and really pay attention to how it smells, the heat of the cup in your hands, how it tastes, what you can hear as you sit and drink.

Sensory things help too, so a shower with scented soap, shampoo etc, really nice scented hand cream, a minty or strong sweet to suck. Basically things that help keep you in your body.

If you’re worried about your heart rate speak to your GP about prescribing propranolol, it has no psychological function but will help with physical symptoms of stress like heart rate, shaking hands etc.

With sleep try to rest whenever you can, you may not sleep but just lying down and stopping can help. Slow everything down, keep your days less busy where you can. Try to space out meetings and difficult people so you have time to process what’s happening rather than running from one thing to another.

Stay off work for now, it may not be the cause of the stress but it’s the one thing you can set aside until you feel a bit stronger. I’ve so been there and it was a slow road back, but there is a road back if you give yourself time.

Shitfather · 06/12/2022 07:34

I’m sorry for your loss and for the tough time you are going through. I’ve had the year from hell. I’ve just resolved the issue, yet my body hadn’t caught up with that - heart pounding and still anxious. What helped me was daily yoga. It got me into the studio where I saw familiar faces, focus on myself and allowed me to work my stress through exerting my body. I really think movement is important. I’ve been an absolute mess, but having the one thing I looked forward to made the days a bit easier. Try to take a daily walk if you can. Wishing you well.

yellowbananasinjuly · 06/12/2022 07:40

@Roundandnour Im interested in how meditation can do more harm than good? (Or did you mean medication ?)

ItsNotReallyChaos · 06/12/2022 07:43

It sounds as though you've had far too much to deal with.

My immediate way of taking some control over mystress is to walk. A stompy march over the hills. It makes a big difference and does good stuff for your brain chemicals that help your mental state too.

And talk. Speaking to a therapist can be helpful as you can say everything in your head to them.

If your stress doesn't seem to be subsiding at all, speak to your GP.

Roundandnour · 06/12/2022 08:06

@yellowbananasinjuly yes I meant meditation

. Studies over the decades have shown for some it can bring in depression, psychosis, suicidal thought, sleep problems, relive negative memories and more.

Not everyone will have these experiences and will find it beneficial.

Just do your homework first.

Jellycatspyjamas · 06/12/2022 08:13

@yellowbananasinjuly because of the way we hold and process trauma physiologically meditation can retraumatise if not taught in a trauma aware way. It’s helpful for many people but not in every circumstance or for everyone, I’ve never found it helpful tbh.

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