Do yiu put your teen children's wishes first always

[Whoknewitwasthishard]

I'm turning down expectation to spend time with my parents and brother this xmas , they treat be poorly, I have been receiving
therapy for depression and beginning to understand the dysfunction in my family , however my teenage sons are sad not to be seeing cousins and grandparents
Am I being unreasonable , they have good childhood memories of family xmas's but this year I can't cope. Even my niece was cruel and critical towards me last xmas. It Seem the line of ill-treatment is being passed down the generations , my feelings have always been discounted . But what do I say to my teen children so they don't think badly of me

You need to look after yourself.

Can you drop your teens off to your parents house for a couple of hours or arrange a meet-up in public somewhere for a later date x

Teenagers have to learn empathy too. I would just tell them that you know they'd prefer to go, but you've been for x number of years and this year, you want and need a quiet Christmas at home, so that's what you're doing. Tell them you really need a break and just can't handle it this year.

I might tell them why, depending on ages and maturity, but chances are they have already noticed. It's also important to set a role model of not allowing people to treat you badly.

Sometimes we need to accommodate others. Life reality.

Be honest about your mental health and your inability to be with other people at Christmas this year/ that you need their love and support this time/ no need to say anything negative about extended family but just that you need them to be positive and supportive about the time you will have together. You matter too and it will do them good to see it and to take steps to support yoi.

'teen sons- as you know I've been a bit low this year and I'm taking step to improve my mental health. One of those is to take a break from the wider family gathering this Christmas, so we'll plan something else nice, let's make a plan.'

Fine that they're disappointed, but it's good for them that you're getting help, so think of it that way and good luck OP. Also, you can talk it over with your therapist too.

Be honest with them and have a really lovely Christmas at home xx

I’d offer to drop them off and pick them up (or arrange for this), but would say I’m not staying. Do they know you are treated poorly? Or is it all kicks under the table and stuff done behind their backs? If so, might be a good time to give them your reason with a few illustrative examples.