His weekend away

[Imagineit]

DP brother has booked a weekend away for them to celebrate his birthday. Nobody asked me about dates and it's the same weekend I'd already planned (and checked with DP) a day out for my friends birthday. Getting childcare is really difficult as we live away from family and I feel annoyed that everyone just assumes I'll sort all this out/ change my plans. AIBU that someone should've checked with me first? I feel annoyed that there is an assumption DP doesn't have any real responsibilities and that the buck stops with me?

I'd say that I've booked my thing first. You either amend yours or sort childcare

Just tell him too bad he already agreed to do the childcare that day and you are busy.

He isn’t more important so don’t act like he is.

If he wants to go, it’s his responsibility to arrange childcare isn’t it? You booked first.

My DH used to do that then once he was in the same situation and I said no my plans were made first, you need to sort it out and since then he always checks with me as it caused him a lot of issues. Stand firm on this or he’ll assume it forever

“He isn’t more important so don’t ac t like he is.”

Love that. Exactly, exactly.

Yours was planned first. That's all there is to it.

Enjoy your day out

In fact if he creates, tell him exactly that.

”You’re not more important than me and you don’t get priority. Why do you think you do?”

He won’t have an answer for that so he might kick off and turn it back on you (just my experience) - don’t be browbeaten down by what a dreadful person he makes you out to be. You aren’t. This is his problem to solve. It really is.

He'll need to rearrange or organise appropriate childcare won't he. Enjoy your day out and don't be a mug!

So does your DH just assume you'll cancel your plans? How did that conversation go? Him - Oh, DP, my DB has booked a weekend away for his birthday and I'm going.
You - But that's the day I'm going out for XX's birthday and you're looking after DC!
Him - ????

Your DH needs to organise childcare. You booked your event first, that takes priority.

Ha! Exactly. Thanks everyone! I'm not having it, he can sort it.

Ah DH, that's not going to work, you've got the kids that day because I'm away with X.

And leave them to sort that logistical conundrum out using their big manbrains.

I can imagine it will now be ''oh, but this is my BROTHER'S birthday and it's a weekend away, your's is just for a FRIEND and it's only a day out'.

I really hope you do stand firm. Otherwise you're giving him the message that his needs are more important than yours, ergo, he is more important than you. And we've all seen on MN how well that goes...

This

Thing is op, everyone's right and you're right. This shouldn't even be a thing should it? You booked yours first. End of. Really this should have been your dh either saying 'bummer, db, I can't make it' or maybe phoning his friend Bob who's children are friends with your children to see if he can have them. And, if that didn't happen, why not?

Yep stick to your guns. My DH used to do this sort of thing all the time. I'd arrange to go somewhere and write it on the calendar on the wall. He'd announce a few days before that he's got X important event he has to go to. The phrase "if it's not on the calendar, it's not happening " soon sorted the issue. Our child care was complicated by the fact we needed a qualified nurse plus a carer to look after DD. All available as long as you booked well in advance. The day I made him find out who to ring at the agency and organise care was the last time he assumed I would stay in because he'd failed to write something on the calendar!

”You’re not more important than me and you don’t get priority. Why do you think you do?”

^^
This! He needs to sort childcare or change his plans. You don’t need to do anything, as yours was already booked in.