Feeling trapped in a successful job

[Katsushika]

I’m early 30s, currently living in the city, earning a great wage and seeing all of the luxuries that come with it. But deep down I’m completely unfulfilled in a corporate job that is mentally draining and in a complex/technical (but boring) specialism that is not easily transferable to other fields. Every day when I log on for work I think, “surely this is not my life”? Due to my level, the slightest mistake could cost the company both financially and reputationally, not to mention the fact my career would be over. I’m always feeling the burden of responsibility and stress.

I so often day dream about other jobs I’d love to do, would be less ‘responsibility‘ but so much more rewarding and fulfilling…working with children for instance. But sadly the huge salary cut I’d have to take would result in losing my home which I own with my partner, having to leave the city and probably worrying about money given the current climate.
The thought of taking such a salary cut feels unimaginable, but then again so is spending the rest of my life working in the field I’m in. I’d be so interested to hear from anyone else who is or has been in my boat and what you ended up doing?! Or even just to know I’m not alone!

What does your partner think?

If you are truly unhappy and can't do this for another 30 years then surely you and your partner need to come up with an escape plan together.

Is the next rung on the ladder more interesting when you get there?

Downsizing and moving out of the city for a lower salary doesn't sound too bad to me, if you're happier. But would you be? The grass isn't always greener and few people love their jobs. Could you consider this as an option in, say, five years?

Are we in the 1950's? 🙄

I'd say make the change now and reset your life to be happy. I didn't and another ten years on I'm still in the same dreary job I don't really like but now have a mortgage, husband and two kids dependant on my salary. I wish I'd made a career change before I was 30 but I wasn't brave enough.

You aren't alone. I have been with the same firm for 20+ years, and worked my way up to a management position. At the moment I would give anything to go back a few years and not apply for any management or supervisory position.

I do feel trapped by the salary. I have a young family, and anything I would actually be interested in doing would involve taking a major pay cut.

Sorry - not helpful in the slightest, but I share your pain!

I agree to look at long term plan - maybe stick with this role until economy stabilises a bit, so probably a year or two, and then alternatives will be less anxiety inducing.

You've 30 more years of working ahead of you. Now is the time to take a risk. You've plenty of time to retrain.

Are we in the 1950's?

No - but if the couple jointly own a property, a conversation about options seems sensible.

Have some babies and spend a few years on mat leave, you may well have a different outlook afterwards.

I’m only half joking.

Btw I retained at 32 with a dh and dc. It was hard taking the financial cut to go back to uni (it was a bursaried doctorate- but not very much). Best thing I ever did. I love my job, I now outearn my dh by 30%, but I work less and term time only.

Thank you for sharing. It’s the worst feeling isn’t it and I’m sorry that you’re in the same boat!

Life is too short to be unhappy somewhere you spend so much time. That being said don't romanticise other roles too much, less responsibility and money doesn't always mean less stress. Also working with children can be rewarding but can also be extremely difficult depending in what capacity you are thinking of working with them.

Wow this sounds fantastic! May I ask was it a completely different career or linked to what you were doing previously?

Stick to your job for now but work out what you think would bring more enjoyment and add that to your life. Working with children, volunteer at Brownies, scouts, cadets or a sports team.
Working with animals, volunteer to walk dogs at a shelter or walk dogs for people who are ill.
Working with people in crisis volunteer at a food bank, food kitchen etc many churches offer these type of community hub volunteer positions and you don't need to attend the church.
See if your local care home has briender sessions and go in and have tea and chat to some older people.

If you find these things enjoyable then as you earn more money you put a flexi working request to drop a day a week so you can do volunteer work. That way you get the positive aspects without taking a massive pay cut.

I earned a load of money up to 35 then got an easier job. Mind, I've never been a big spender. If you are, earning less might be more of an issue.

You sound like me except I now have DC and am the biggest earner in the household. The costs of retraining are huge (mainly due to drop in income for several years, not the course costs).

Essentially, I've 'quietly quit'. My work gets done - well and on time. But I give work very little thought and try to focus on pleasures outside of it. It pays the bills very comfortably and I have no interest in progressing further. My only slight niggle in that people tend to presume that you do want to progress further when you've come this far...I.e senior leadership/exec/board. I do not!

Yanbu to feel how you feel but I can assure you working with children, the elderly, whatever is extremely tedious, high-level responsibility and all the stressors that come with that for pittance. The grass almost always looks greener.

You have time on your side and you should certainly think about how you can change your day-to-day to have more of a 'balance' but don't jack in the job or do anything in haste. I was in one period a high-earner who felt like a sense that meaning/purpose was missing so I made some adjustments. I'd rather be miserable knowing I don't have to worry about the bills than feel a sense of 'fulfilment' while anxiously hoping my card doesn't get declined at Tesco.

Oh FFS - they own a house together, they’ll have to discuss it if they’re going to downsize.

@Katsushika
Broadly in the same field. Youth co-ordinator to chartered psychologist.

This was me. I did it for 20 years and I cannot express how much I hated the job but I was a victim of my own success and I didn't really have a clear idea of what else I would like to do. That is really really important if you do decide to ditch your current role.
I will say though, money is the best manure. It just makes life a lot easier and while you may prefer another job, you would want to really really love it to make up for a massive pay cut.
Everything in life is a trade off. I now work pretty sporadically and have lots of time to enjoy my money. In an ideal world I would have done something I loved while also being paid a lot but a lot of people hate their job and get paid peanuts for it so...

I had one of those jobs and not the personality to be happy or super successful in it. I eventually left and retrained. I earn 1/4 (if that) of my previous salary but I’m as happy as a clam.

But - I only did this when we had reached our financial goals. This was important to me.

So I would advise you to make a plan and work your hardest to reach it as soon as possible. It might mean living well below your means for a while but it will be worth it.

Have you considered booking a session with a career coach? My husband was in the same boat as you and it really helped him to assess both his wants and needs career wise. She helped to reframe his CV and to consider new opportunities. Worth every penny. He’s so much happier.

Before you quit this and become something like a teacher, I can tell you,the grass is not always greener sadly. It looks rewarding, but the system is broken and people are drained.

I hear you but there's a lot to be said for financial stability at the moment

Make a 5 year plan.

Decide what would make you feel fulfilled and then work out how to achieve that.

Maybe you stick in your current job, cut back on all the luxuries, save like a demon and move into a lesser paid role with a nice financial cushion.

OR stay in your current role but cut back to 3 or 4 days per week and use the other days to volunteer in something that makes your heart sing.

OR stay in your current role, plough every penny into paying off your mortgage early and then enjoy something more fulfilling in your later years...

Or work hard and play hard. Look at the kind of roles you could hold in a more rewarding environment - Finance Director of a Charity, Chief Executive of a charity. Look at what skills and experience you might need to get you there. Gain insight from volunteering at weekends. You might still end up doing the same kind of boring tasks, but the context might make it more rewarding.