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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Difficult Inlaws and oblivious DH

8 replies

Newe1 · 05/12/2022 12:52

I’m really trying to see things from DH perspective but failing. I’m hoping people on here can either relate to what I’m going through or agree with DH.

been married for over 10 years. Inlaws in particular his siblings have never bothered with me. MIL is very difficult and overbearing. She thinks everyone’s way of doing things is wrong and isn’t shy of telling people! I found her behaviour very difficult as in the beginning I thought it was just towards me. I realise now she has mental health issues after 10+ years of butting heads with her but it doesn’t help as she has to be the centre of all our decisions and events etc. (cultural reasons).

the issue is I can deal with his mother by largely ignoring her but just for context she really affected my own mental health when I gave birth. She made me really paranoid e.g. told me under no circumstances am I to push the pram on the street so I wasn’t allowed to walk to the park pushing the pram! She told me it makes the family look common. Looking back now I realise she’s the crazy one but I got very paranoid and this comment is just the tip of the in every, I could literally write a book on things she has told me are “wrong”.

so anyways apologies for the sidetrack, the issue is DH wants his parents and sisters at all the parties I host for the kids birthdays. I have refused to invite them past the age of 3, so they’ve all gone for the 1st,2nd and third birthday but as soon as they are old enough for friends I’ve only invited friends. I have also invited my sister as she helps me plus her kids and my kids are similar ages whereas there’s a huge gap with his side.

DH not happy and fights with me constantly. Knowing how these people make me feel I would have thought a decent person would understand. For context his sisters have never invited us to their functions. Plus my own parents are never invited as it’s a kids party not adult! What would you do in my position?

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 05/12/2022 13:27

DH not happy and fights with me constantly. Knowing how these people make me feel I would have thought a decent person would understand. For context his sisters have never invited us to their functions. Plus my own parents are never invited as it’s a kids party not adult! What would you do in my position?

Nothing.

It seems that your DH doesn't concern himself with the minutiae of issuing invitations -
so anyways apologies for the sidetrack, the issue is DH wants his parents and sisters at all the parties I host for the kids birthdays. I have refused to invite them past the age of 3, so they’ve all gone for the 1st,2nd and third birthday but as soon as they are old enough for friends I’ve only invited friends.
So I would simply invite who I wanted, & leave him to do the same.
He probably won't, so the inlaws won't turn up.
If he kicks off about that, tell him he's in charge of invitations for his own family, so why is he bitching at you about his failure to include them?

If he does one day realise that it's his responsibility & actually does something about it, just Grey Rock them when they turn up.
www.e-counseling.com/articles/what-is-the-grey-rock-method/

Comtesse · 05/12/2022 13:32

When he organises the parties he can invite who he likes…..

Sprouttreesareamazing · 05/12/2022 13:33

Simple imo.
You arrange the school party.. Dh can organise one for his family...
You stand back and do nothing.

Absolutely nothing..

forrestgreen · 05/12/2022 13:39

'Dc are having a party for their little friends. Would you like to organise another party and invite your family?'

PeekAtYou · 05/12/2022 13:44

yanbu. I think that most people do a party with friends and a different gathering with family.
If he wants a family birthday then he can host it at home and organize it.

Ellie56 · 05/12/2022 13:53

Yep. Carry on doing what you are doing. If he wants to host his family he can get on with it.

2bazookas · 05/12/2022 14:13

I'd let DH arrange and host the next kid birthday party, of course. By himself/with his family.

Newe1 · 06/12/2022 09:29

Thank you everyone for your replies.

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