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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it name calling?

10 replies

showertree · 05/12/2022 12:16

My husband admits he can act fairly immaturely at times but when I call him out on it he doesn't like it and says it's emotional/mental abuse!

I'm in no way trying to abuse him and was shocked at this.

Example today, he is painting in the house. He hasn't put a sheet down to protect the carpet or moved toys out the way first. I asked him to put a sheet down to protect, he said no, I asked again and mentioned last time he had paint on the carpet so it saves any issues. He went in the huff then and said he didn't have paint on the carpet, I pointed out the paint still on the carpet and said you did, it was everywhere he said no I didn't, and kept saying it over and over.

I said ok keep acting 5 then - I didn't know what else to say or do?! He just kept saying "no I didn't" when I reminded him he did or asked to put a sheet down this time.

He's asked me not to call him a child or say he's behaving immaturely but he is so what do I say when he acts like that?!

OP posts:
Wakk · 05/12/2022 12:39

Yes. You called him a 5 year old.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 05/12/2022 12:43

Put the sheet down yourself. Or do the painting yourself. And yes, you were rude

steppemum · 05/12/2022 12:44

well yes, you said he was a 5 year old.

But I understand your frustration. I cannot imagine doing decorating without a dust sheet on a carpeted floor!

OoooohMatron · 05/12/2022 12:45

YANBU. Act like a 5 year old, expect to be treated like one.

showertree · 05/12/2022 14:30

Thanks for the replies - conflicting opinions!

I never stoop so low as to name call but I genuinely don't know how to react when someone is saying 'no I didn't' to each thing I say and shouting it from the other room when Iv walked away!

He is acting like our five year old so I felt the need to say it but he can't deal with it at all and is now stonewalling me

So what's the best course of action when someone is behaving immaturely but doesn't want to hear the words immature/child/act like an adult???

OP posts:
Stressedmum2017 · 05/12/2022 14:35

If he doesn't want to be called a 5 year old the answer is to simply not act like one. Anyone who considers this abuse is pathetic and is a slap in the face to real victims.

showertree · 05/12/2022 14:37

I agree @Stressedmum2017 he throws the word abuse about a bit too freely for my liking and does it purely for point scoring

OP posts:
ImustLearn2Cook · 05/12/2022 14:42

It sounds like you were describing his behaviour not actually name calling. I think there is a big difference.

xsquared · 05/12/2022 14:49

Your dh is behaving in a very childish way.

What does he have against covering the carpet for goodness sake? It's common sense and it's also very odd that he refuses to accept responsibility for getting paint on it last time.

He has an ego issue for sure as he's refusing to take up on your suggestion to protect the carpet and wanting to "win".

I hope he's not like this a lot.

Stressedmum2017 · 05/12/2022 14:52

showertree · 05/12/2022 14:37

I agree @Stressedmum2017 he throws the word abuse about a bit too freely for my liking and does it purely for point scoring

I would tell him that telling you he didn't get paint on the carpet when he blatantly did is gaslighting you, a tactic used by narcissistic and sociopathic abusers. See how he likes the shoe being on the other foot.

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