To wonder if you would take my stance or my partner's?

[malificent7]

Dp is on good terms with several people who have hurt him deeply in the past and has forgiven them. This includes an ex who has cheated to coparent which is fair but In my view it opens yourself up to more of the same rubbish.

I am in the process of distancing myself from a. few "friends" and family members. He thinks I will be isolated...I am not feeling isolated....i feel liberated.

Is there an in-between? Which approach works best for you?

It depends what people did. Most people piss me off sometimes. If I cut off everyone for that I'd be pretty lonely.

I think generally it depends who they are and what they did.

generally I am willing to try to move on around what has happened but there are some people that I have moved on from and never want contact with again.

it’s not black and white

There is no right answer here, only what's right for you.
there are people who choose not to tolerate anyone who even slightly irritates them, and acknowledge that that could leave them without many social interactions.
Others get treated badly yet continue to ignore the situation for fear of being alone.
Most people are somewhere in the middle.

Yabu regarding the ex. How does him co parenting with his ex maturely 'open himself up to more of the same rubbish'? You are with him now so unless you believe that gives you grounds to cheat on him that doesn't really make sense. Bit jealous they get on perhaps?

I think there is a happy medium, cut off toxic people that you can, sure but everyone makes mistakes, life is too short to hold grudges when none of us are perfect anyway.

Totally depends on who, the relationship you currently have, and what has happened. I have reduced contact with a lot of toxic people in my life, but then I am close with some family members who have caused terrible hurt in my life. It was a very long time ago and there comes a point you forgive and you move on because if you don't then you regret it. I may add that those I am close to now have changed and what they did was forgiveable. Some things are so serious that they are not.

Life's too short to waste it on people I don't like. Usually I just never bother again with people who "have hurt me deeply", but I don't have any children. If you do and you are co-parenting while apart, there's no way to avoid speaking to your ex.

Well, there is one way, I suppose.

It depends really, with your dp’s ex then it makes sense to be amicable for childcare co-parenting if nothing else. I do tend to cut people off though if they upset me

What works for you doesn't work for everyone.

A wise person does both at times, it is all contextual.

You really wouldn't want your DP still angry p

With his ex, they have a child together so need to be able to be civil and if possible friendly. It’s good for the children to see that. I wouldn’t forgive that person or like them but I could play along for my children.

For me, in terms of others, I don’t put up with any crap. If people care about you, they treat you well. I don’t have any contact with my parents or sibling. I’ve cut others out when they’ve done shit things. My life is better for it. People definitely think I’m quite hard though. I don’t know how people have others around them if they can’t trust them.

I have a lovely partner and kids and a great group of friends I’ve had for years. I can’t imagine any of them doing anything to hurt me.

Generally speaking, I'm with your DP. Forgive and forget. Maybe accept that the relationship isn't quite what you thought it was, and adjust your expectations accordingly, but basically move on. Unless they've done something really bad of course!