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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel hurt and invisible

18 replies

Wdib78 · 05/12/2022 06:24

I'm currently on maternity leave from a company I have worked for for MANY years.

Every December the girls/ ladies organise a meal out in a local restaurant.

It was mentioned to me a few weeks ago by a Co-worker / friend about this years meal, I said let me know I'd still love to come, she knows how lonely I've been feeling and isolated.

Anyway this weekend I saw a post on Facebook from another Coworker / friend about how they'd really enjoyed the night out this year blah blah.

Tbh it hit me l like a brick, some of these Co-workers I have known for 15+ years, it's like I mean nothing to anyone, buy they're all happy to ask for things ordering from a catalogue or borrow money. Im feeling low enough as it is and this has made me feel worse.

I'd thought of these people as friends and now I'm not even sure I'd want to return to work!

Hence the reason I have put Co-worker instead of just friend, seems like I don't exist anymore.

OP posts:

IAmTi · 05/12/2022 06:26

This happened to me on maternity leave. It absolutely sucks. But yes from now on friendly coworkers. It's a good reminder that if you die your workplace won't really care so don't worry about them if you need a new job.

Redkettle · 05/12/2022 07:05

Ah yes we usually become invisible when on ML and then when you go back it's the same until you get in swing of things again in ky experience anyway. People only see what's in front of their faces .

Snnowflake · 05/12/2022 07:16

Can you look at nearby pregnancy based groups - eg yoga for pregnant mums. Being pregnant is a bigger event in people's lives - try to find others in the same boat.

Original poster

Wdib78 · 05/12/2022 07:34

Snnowflake · 05/12/2022 07:16

Can you look at nearby pregnancy based groups - eg yoga for pregnant mums. Being pregnant is a bigger event in people's lives - try to find others in the same boat.

Baby is 4 months old, I'm no longer pregnant

OP posts:

Mummieslncorporated · 05/12/2022 07:52

I think it's pretty normal for people on maternity leave to miss out on invitations for works do's. I don't think it's because you aren't valued while you are there.

Don't take it personally. It's really not. It's just that you aren't there when the plans are being made.

In the years that you have been there, have you invited people off on maternity to the works do, or at least made sure they were invited? I'm sure in all those years there must have been at least one or two.

AWaferThinMint · 05/12/2022 07:55

I don't think you are unreasonable in the slightest. You are still employed there, just on leave, and they checked in with you and you showed interest.

They may not have missed up unintentionally but it just shows a lack of consideration on their part.

FWIW when we have people on mat leave or similar they still get invited to social events for the business because they are still part of the business and we see them that way.

katmarie · 05/12/2022 08:00

I had exactly the same experience while on maternity leave, I even put my name down for the Xmas do before I started my mat leave, and the next I heard of it was when I saw the pictures of it the next morning on Facebook. Tbh it was one of the reasons I left that company,

Original poster

Wdib78 · 05/12/2022 08:02

I'm in contact with 3 people regularly, at least once a,we 1 of them being the main organiser, no ones been on maternity leave for over 15 years and there's 3 of us currently on maternity, 1 of these would not have gone anyway, she never does but the other girl would have, I'd be interested to know if she was invited.
People who are on sick short or long term are invited.

OP posts:

LovelyDaaling · 05/12/2022 08:09

It's hurtful especially as you specifically asked one of your coworkers to be included.

It brings it home that colleagues aren't friends, they are people brought together by a mutual circumstance - the job. Usually, that 'friendship' withers when you are no longer around. Sad but true.

WollyMammothJumper · 05/12/2022 08:12

I'd be really upset, especially as you're so friendly with these colleagues.

I'm also on maternity leave and have had invites to every team night out, including the Xmas party.

If I were you I'd ask why you weren't invited as you'd told someone you wanted to go.

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 08:24

I’d ask why you weren’t invited. I’d ask if everyone on ML was left out, and why. And I don’t think I’d be particularly subtle about it.

maras3 · 05/12/2022 08:40

So sorry that this happened.
It's just bloody mean.
Have these from me
Mx.

billy1966 · 05/12/2022 09:31

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 08:24

I’d ask why you weren’t invited. I’d ask if everyone on ML was left out, and why. And I don’t think I’d be particularly subtle about it.

Absolutely ask.

Particularly as you specifically said you would attend.

Stop with the favours.

Very poor form.

Definitely look around for baby/toddler groups.

You can meet some lovely people there.

Original poster

Wdib78 · 05/12/2022 10:04

Sorry, been a bit busy this morning, I have a little etsy side business, I have an update when I'm not typing one handed while feeding baby 😉

OP posts:

Original poster

Wdib78 · 05/12/2022 16:24

Apparently only certain departments went out at the weekend not mine, however someone from my department commented that it was a great night too 🤔.

There is a do organised for the last day at a pub, I had an email this morning an hour after I'd message her, inviting me to bring little one along.
Yeah, loud music and rowdiness is just what he needs, the other 2 girls on ml have babies younger than mine.
I think I'll be there an hour before he decides he's tired and can't sleep for the noise and we'll have to leave 😅

OP posts:

OneFrenchEgg · 05/12/2022 16:48

It's an offer not an order - get a babysitter if you want to stay longer, at least they've makes it ok for you to go if you can't get one. Sounds like they've corrected their initial forgetfulness.

Mary46 · 05/12/2022 17:13

Yes not nice being excluded. Op maybe meet them after xmas things quieter then. Sometimes its hard get babysitters

Original poster

Wdib78 · 05/12/2022 18:57

OneFrenchEgg · 05/12/2022 16:48

It's an offer not an order - get a babysitter if you want to stay longer, at least they've makes it ok for you to go if you can't get one. Sounds like they've corrected their initial forgetfulness.

Did I say it was an order? He's 4 months old and I've no one to look after him, I'll shall go for as long as,he can cope with

OP posts:

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