To think home ownership changes people?

[Lilaone]

Over the past few years, many of me and DP's friends have gradually bought their first homes We rent and have no chance of buying.

We've realised that every time some long time friends buy a home, we gradually have less and less contact with them. We put effort in, they don't. And some have disappeared from our lives.

But this hasn't happened with any of our friends who rent, even a few who have moved much further away in recent times for lower rental costs. Is there some sort of house owner/rented housing social divide going on here? This isn't to do with income, as most of our friends have similar household incomes and were only able to buy thanks to inheritances or an injection of cash from the Bank of Mum and Dad.

Do you have any actual basis for this notion? People aren’t that shallow in the main!

Perhaps they're all busy fixing stuff that their landlords used to do for them but now they have to pay for themselves? Or busy decorating, saving up for furniture or improvements? Or maybe they've just always been closet snobs?

I think they may now want to add to their home and use spare cash to decorate or buy furniture - £50 meal could buy new curtains or paint -

Maybe change the way you see them and invite them round for a few beers and some snacks, play some bored games instead. It’s what we used to do a few years ago.

Don't be silly, I don't think homeowners suddenly decide they are too good to hang out with renters. I could say I knew whether my friends rent or own their houses!

More likely that people buy a house at a point they are thinking about settling down a bit.

Yeah, I think that’s a bit of a silly conclusion, even if I understand where it comes from. When we bought, all of a sudden all of our money went onto buying stuff/fixing up the house. We got used to not really going out. And now we’re buying a bigger house so it’s starting again. Social life just kinda dwindled. I still love my friends but if I see any of them more than a handful of times a year, I’d be shocked. It’s just what happens.

When you see a correlation, you have to remember that there could be a third variable impacting both your correlated variables.

• become home owners
• don’t go out as much

Potential third variable? Age.

Maybe they’re just getting older - hence being in position to buy and less interested in socialising. Getting older means more deposit saved, more motivation to get on with buying. Even if the money is coming from inheritance or parental gift, these things are more likely with age.

I don't think it is a social divide but when you buy a property you are in for endless years of maintenance. Your money and time are tied up, you have less available time for friends because you are grouting the bathroom :-), doing the garden and cannot afford to go out often. It does ease up as time goes on and you can afford to pay others to mend and renovate.

Don't worry about it op, that is how life is for most ordinary people who are not rich.

Enjoy your life.

I would have thought its more associated with hitting a life stage where people are often also getting married, settling down, planning kids etc

Owning a home means a lot more work on your days off doing diy, gardening etc. you don't have to do that when you rent so you have more free time.

All they funds are stretched paying for house stuff....luxury of social life is low priority.

It's not a social divide, I think it's financial or work on the home. When I rented, I remember lots of conversations like 'If I owned this place, I would'.

Where I do think there is a before an after is marriage. The bigger wedding the less the are likely to hang out with the single ones afterwards

Yes, it’s about money and time. I’ve noticed this with myself . We were actually the last one renting and I was feeling the same as you often. Now I know what it’s the problem! Before our landlord was fixing the fence/ sorting boiler check / arranging the gardener etc Also we couldn’t change anything before so had more free time.

I do agree with you. I am a homeowner now but was the last one of my friendship circle by a long way to buy somewhere. I did notice a change in my friendship dynamic when others became homeowners.
For me, when I bought my home there was a significant change in financial circumstances meaning I had less available funding for socialising, plus the cost of getting my home in shape. But also there was the novelty of the new home, it was mine and I just wanted to be in it a lot.
I don't think this change is unique to buying homes though, but happens with all life milestones. I noticed the same change when friends got married or had children.