To hate holidays?

[AstroAl]

Can I be the only person who hates going on holiday?
I’m on holiday right now (a place people would consider a lovely, tropical location) and I loathe every second of it.

The whole time I’m on holiday I go between being depressed or spending my time thinking about cool and interesting places to visit at that destination and they never live up to the hype. I never find the places with the incredible food and culture people talk about and generally just find them a wash out.

Some of it is definitely down to my complete lack of self worth (working on that in therapy) whereby I’m convinced I don’t deserve nice things so sabotage them and make them miserable experiences.

But honestly as soon as I land somewhere I am in a total funk, get massively depressed and hate every part of it. We arrived two days ago and I haven’t even left our room once.

I have been on holidays where I actively try not to be this way (and I’m not like this during my “normal” day to day life) but always within 24 hours I’m depressed and miserable. It’s not that I miss home, it’s just like a switch flicks the second I step off the plane and BOOM I am depressed.

I feel so my bad because my husband deserves a good holiday and to have fun. But so far I’m wrapped up in the bedroom watching Netflix.

Has anyone overcome this?

I've never had this. It sounds like you need to plan holidays with things you would like to do and places you would like to visit.

Does your DH know you feel like this? There is no point of going OP.

I mean I don’t get it personally, why even go if you hate it so much?
But you are in good company, about 80% of mumsnet seem to hate holidays.

Have a look on Viator and book yourself some amazing trips.

I go because my husband wouldn’t go if I didn’t go with him and he really needs to relax.

This holiday was supposed to be some time to relax and rest after a miscarriage but I just feel awful and I feel worse for making it miserable for him too.

No matter how hard I try I can’t shake it.

Is your Husband getting out and about? I couldn't bear being cooped up in the room.

I'm sorry you feel this way op.

If you need time to rest then that's what you need. Nobody can force you to get involved. Hopefully your partner is getting out to do things.

I hope you feel better soon op

Yes he has gone out and about and I’ve encouraged him to do so.

I’m not the kind of person to shut myself away but it’s as though when I’m on holiday a thousand barriers go up and I can’t go out or allow myself to enjoy one second.

I wish I knew how to overcome it.

Would a cocktail or two
help?
Could you day to yourself in a weeks time or whatever you’ll be back home but for now it’s about helping your DH enjoy his holiday.
Deep breaths, you can do it.

You're getting into a bit of cycle whereby not only are you quite low and sabotaging as you say, but you're also berating yourself and disatisfied with yourself that you dont enjoy it and are sabotaging it

So theres a lot of self blame and shaming going on

The first thing to do is to really try to think about any positives you can get from the trip at all, perhaps the fact taht you're just away from work, or you dont have to do the washing up, or dinner is cooked for you, or you look nice in your new dress or whatever it is

Second thing to do is to accept how you feel rather than being annoyed at how you feel and focus on valuing the things about you that you can learn to do.

Compassion based therapy is very good for this, see if you can find a therapist near you that uses this model

I understand what you mean because I am the same. I've done a lot of travelling in my time and have been on lots of different types of holidays. I just don't seem to really enjoy it and I really try. I become anxious and just want to go home. I don't suffer from any anxiety in the course of my 'normal' life and generally enjoy my work and social life. It's really quite strange. Since kids came along I've only done holidays in the UK. I would still prefer not to go at all but try to make the most of it for the sake of my family. I was like this when I was little too. i didn't even really like day outs away from home. Odd.

No answers but you're not alone.

Give yourself a massive, enormous break.

You've had a miscarriage and are thinking about your DH to take him away. Chilling out in a nice hotel room watching Netflix is fine if it's what you need. If it's not what you need, and you'd rather do something, can you plan and pick something. I used to do weird things like run at 6am or go for a really late swim alone. Something just for you.

Sorry, just read your other message about a miscarriage after I posted my message with the line "when kids came along". I feel it may come across as insensitive.

I hope you manage to find some time to really relax and take things easy, whatever that looks like for you.

Your poor DH!