AIBU to ask if your child has adhd what behavioural techniques helped them?

[ajarintennessee]

I suppose the AIBU bit is that I don’t think my ds has adhd but I do think if it’s a spectrum he is close to it but wouldn’t get diagnosed, if that makes sense. I’ve ummed and ahhed about seeing a psychologist or similar for years and have decided to pursue a referral.
He’s 7. He’s healthy, happy, funny, smart, tall and strong and very very active. Can run all day long, it’s a struggle to get him to bed before 9. He is I think great at school, but at home he has very poor impulse control. A recent example is I went to my parents, he leaped on the kitchen bench and I snatched him back before he knocked a bowl off. Grandma reminded him we don’t climb on kitchen benches. Seconds later he jumps on top of the other one, knocking a glass of water off. His justification was he didn’t realise it’s a kitchen bench because it’s a different height. We had lunch, and after I called him to help clean up. I called 8 times then went to get him. Which instantly made it a game and he went to run away.
He started clearing salad dressing and instead of putting the bottle away shook it. The lid wasn’t on tight so some dressing shook over several cupboards and floor so we had to clean that up.

I have lots of these. I just think his and our life could be easier if he could improve his ability to think before he acts? So I’m very interested in what has helped other people?

Mine all take medication for adhd. Homework and school wouldn't be possible other wise.

I would be wary about going down the route of coffee. Research has been largely anecdotal. The wear off can be pretty hairy. DH found self-medicating with coffee and then energy drinks - he kept increasing the amount to get the same effect. The ended up with stomach problems and migraines. Its one of the reason he advocated heavily for our kids to be diagnosed and try medication.

We have had some success with Equazen fish oils.

Yes! It does work - but it’s also an indicator for ADHD. DD before meds got through school exams with a thermos of coffee ( this was secondary…)

My son was 10 when we discovered that coffee helped but it's still not something he has daily but I offer and he chooses whether to take up the offer or not.
It's probably worth a try because the side effects are very minimal.

One of the problems with meds is that my child is small bordering on underweight so there was only one medication his psychiatrist was willing to prescribe and other health issues were also a consideration.

DS is 16. Primary school tried to no avail. Secondary school had clear boundaries and fair consequences but again there were still continuous issues. When they finished school in June he was just out all the time and has not been going to college. Tried numerous meds but all have had spectacularly bad side effects.
Currently unmedicated and NEET

Also, meditation. You can do mindfulness meditation. Also, walks in the woods, any sort of greenery. My kid with ADHD says walks in the woods are essential to his mental health and really help him feel calmer and happier.

If he has adhd then you could beat him black and blue and it wouldn’t stop

It is the equivalent of giving someone who can’t walk consequences for not getting up and walking

Adhd is a physical disability.

i wish someone had to it me on meds as a child.

I had loads of consequences.
I got the cane so many times at school and even when it was taken off as a punishment if the parents requested it mine said to continue with the cane as I had to learn not to do stuff.

I never learned and you are just wasting your breath trying to bring someone in line who needs medication.

If you have high cholesterol or high blood pressure you would take a pill because otherwise it would knock years off your life.
If your child can take the meds why wouldn’t you give it to them as untreated adhd can not similar amounts of time off their lifespan

Fwiw even as a child in primary school I would mainline coffee

10 or 12 cups per day

Always had a coffee on the go

Medication. Ds takes long-acting meds that wear off mid-afternoon. Attempting anything after it is out of his system ends badly. Mistakes, illegible, incomplete, and then tantrums.

visuals outlining bedtime routine, possibly something he could tick off

social stories about good behaviour at granny’s

timers and 5 minute warnings.

now and next and then planning. Simple but effective.

set Alexa up with prompts and reminders

Build in windows of physical activity and free play between short periods of concentrating.

For example playing catch with juggling balls, going for a walk, colouring in, water play

Single step instructions, prompts, reminders, now and next board and meds.

Things have definitely settled down a fair bit since the meds but the other things helped.

@Kennykenkencat

I did clarify I wasn't suggesting such action. I wrote a badly worded question, that's all.

@yoshiblue Can you please tell me a bit more about what the meds have helped with? I’m considering them for my ds but he also has autism and professionals seem to think meds won’t help much with his outbursts or impulse control.

Also same question to @Tomatoeplantpants

@Freshstarts22 its been amazing for his impulse control. He’s much less emotional, one of his friends told his mum he’s a lot calmer too! It’s massively helped with his friendships, he’s gone from playing on his own to being in a group of friends, I presume as he’s easier to be around.

(Massively helped with his concentration and fidgeting too, it’s done wonders for him overall)

@yoshiblue Thats wonderful, what a relief for you.
My ds’s main problem (as perceived by others) is his anger/emotional outburst. They seem to think concentration is not the issue and that’s why medication won’t help.
He doesn’t do much school work, but his teacher says this is due to poor self esteem and thinking he can’t do things rather than concentration problems.
Every single medical professional has told me the same thing, but anecdotally everything I read online posted by parents seems to contradict this.
His Autism is definitely the cause of many of his difficulties, but he is extremely quick to anger and acts without thinking.
They did suggest antipsychotic meds for his autism but I was not on board with that at all.

Mayne we should revisit the idea of adhd meds.

sorry for hijacking thread.

My ds has benefited so much from ADHD meds and I have a thread running on starting in SN children. Come and hang out there if you fancy a look op

@Freshstarts22 I mentioned you to my DH (who is a clinical psychologist) He suggested you can only try the medication and often it really depends on what professional you get.

More than happy to chat further if you DM me, so we can rerail the thread ;-)

I have a 9 year old with adhd.

I try to be relentlessly upbeat. Praise for minor good behaviour (to make up for feeling like I’m moaning the rest of the time!).

I have adhd too and can generally tell when he’s overwhelmed and so stick up for him and don’t tell off and when he’s just frankly being a shit. Learning the difference has been very helpful

.

Seconding using timers for everything, so they can see how long they have doing something or how long until they have to stop, plus clear and simple verbal planning (“at 1.30 we’ll put our coat and shoes on, so we’ll be at the cinema for 2”) along with possible plans that might change. I wish I had those as a kid and it makes a huge difference with mine.

I know those don’t help with the shaking bottle/climbing bench thing, but it helps to keep their moods (and mine) calmer and thus more able to keep control of body and mind.

Thanks @Bergmum. I'll keep thinking about the coffee. She has tried a bit of decaff and said she liked it so I might try a very weak real one at some point.