Trigger Warning - child abuse

[Catwoman300]

Not going into my own experience, just to say this has happened to me,, not long term ..but... I haven't told many people.

About 2 months ago a lifelong friend and I were having in a usy coffee shop. She had been using a phrase while talking about someone that inferred child molestation.... Now I ABSOLUTELY HATE this well known phrase. She was sort of joking about, but kept saying this phrase, so in the end I asked her to stop saying it, explained why, as this phrase just makes me want to heave.

She was shocked about my abuse experience and stopped using the phrase.....BUT ...her first conversation after this was about a person who had been abused who then became an abuser. I was stunned, but didn't say anything, as the coffee shop was very busy. I don't particularly want to keep talking about it so I haven't revisited the conversation since. In a way I'm sorry I said anything.

So I had conversation with another person when the documentary came out about Michael Jackson a few years ago. ...I didn't watch it , i didnt elaborate on any personal detail but just said that abuse was more common than people realised and she went on to recount a story about someone who became an abuser due to their own experience of being abused.

I went to relate once after the end of a long term relationship and the 'counsellor' asked me about myself and alluded to any previous life event/abuse that may have happened to me. So I told her about my abuse, she then went on to heap a load of guilt on me for not pursuing the perpetrator.
A ...I didn't/don't know his name and
B ....I was about 4 or 5 when it happened.
I was in a very bad way at the time, serial cheater and rubbing my nose in it situation. I've always regretted not reporting this person but at the time I was a mess and honestly didn't really process it correctly, just left the session with alot more grief than what I went in with. It wasn't until much later i realised how totally inappropriate this was.

But really why im here is to ask to please stop with this assumption that all the abused become abusers, if you are of a similar mindset. I know parents are cautious with their children and rightly so, but please be mindful about the assumptions made about the victims of abuse.I don't need any more assumptions or guilt. I am grateful it wasn't long term abuse but none the less. I will in time speak to my friend but I need to be calmer about it so I don't sound so 'angry' about it.

Sorry just needed to vent !

I think it's a line.

A line that gets them sympathy and gives them excuses and plays along with amateur psychology about things like this.

It can also never be disproven in the vast majority of cases.

The fact is, loads of decent ppl who've been abused dint become abusers. The empathetic, responsible, decent ones don't because a. it's not in their nature and b. they have empathy and would never want another person to feel how they did and do.

Generally parroted by naive and dumb people.

Your friend is some combo of naive and dumb

I find blokes caught abusing kids will often claim they were abused; I'm very skeptical.

On MJ, I believe he was abused physically and emotionally/verbally; but I'm not aware that he was sexually abused

MJ appeared to be a "true" paedophile i.e. not what we called paedophile but is actually a child sex abuser who is basically an opportunistic, exploitative, low integrity, low empathy predator who will have sex with both adults and kids if they can make the opportunity. They are usually in relationships with adult women and often have kids.

Whereas MJs "relationships" with adult women were staged, he never appeared to have a real relationship with an adult woman. (or man for that matter), and he appeared to pretty much exclusively be sexually and emotionally attracted to children (& youths). That seems like more of a true paedophile profile; they are exclusively emotionally and sexually attracted to kids and often don't really pursue relationships with adults .. . It has been found that their brains are different, a part of their brain is not developed or not functioning properly or something to that effect.

What I'm trying to say in a long winded way is that MJ was a true paedophile and very possibly had those brain differences.

(Just to add that doesn't make me think it's excusable, just that it's got a physical explanation agd they are defective abd they are dangerous just like eg a psychopath with frontal lobe malfunction is dangerous).

In short, he may have been abused as a child (not sexually AFAIK?) but I wouldn't say that's why he became a paedophile and child sex abuser.

She had been using a phrase while talking about someone that inferred child molestation.

Kiddy fddlng?

If it was that (or any humourous, minimising phrase) again it shows dyes not the sharpest knife in the drawer or the most switched on.