Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To tell my brother to stop complaining to me about work

13 replies

Bedazzled22 · 04/12/2022 11:32

My DB lives alone, has mild learning difficulties and has never enjoyed work. This year has been particularly bad with him going from a permanent job to another, losing it then going from one temp contract to another, my elderly parents and me having to give him money to help him out when he was in between jobs. Its a really worry for them.

He has been depressed in the past but he’s quite happy outside of work just doesn’t like work and has a poor attitude to it.

I have tried to help him help himself by trying to offer support and ideas to make him feel better. But he takes no notice. This morning
I sent him a link to ideas for thinking more positively at work , being friendly, practising gratitude for what he has etc. I put a lot of effort into researching ideas and things I thought might help him. His reply was “6 weeks til contract ends”.

I’ve tried and tried over the years and now told him I wont try and help him any more and I dont want to hear any more that work is rubbish etc. Its so draining. Aibu?

OP posts:

Feef83 · 04/12/2022 11:35

I sent him a link to ideas for thinking more positively at work , being friendly, practising gratitude for what he has etc. I put a lot of effort into researching ideas and things I thought might help him. His reply was “6 weeks til contract ends”.

I could have told you that would have been his response without even knowing him.

mild learning difficulties, up and down employment this year and hates his job which is ending shortly.

what on earth did you expect?!

Luckingfovely · 04/12/2022 11:35

Well... I understand how frustrating it must be. But you must know that messaging him that wasn't a terribly mature or helpful thing to do.

Maybe take a step back a bit, or ask for advice on how to practically help him, but sending text ultimatums in the heat of the moment? Yup, always unreasonable.

Tillylime · 04/12/2022 11:38

Some people, I have a friend like this, don’t want help and advice they just want to complain.
Leave him to sort himself out.
Don't give him money.
It’s sink or swim and he needs to realise that he has to take responsibility for his own life.
Can you get your parents to be firm too?

Original poster

Bedazzled22 · 04/12/2022 11:45

Yes, you are right, I don’t really know how to handle him.

All my efforts to offer support are always in vain and I wont do it anymore.

thank you for taking the time to reply

OP posts:

Original poster

Bedazzled22 · 04/12/2022 11:46

I just don’t want him to lose his home for not being able to hold down a job.

OP posts:

Alertthecorgis · 04/12/2022 11:49

Some people just want to sound off and rant. They don’t necessarily want advice. It sounds like you’ve been trying to help your brother. But maybe take a step back, if he needs to offload and then wait until he asks for advice?

jeaux90 · 04/12/2022 12:01

It's a tough one. Is there anything he really loves that he could work towards employment in?

Keyansier · 04/12/2022 12:06

What is with this expectation that people need to 'enjoy' work? We are human beings. We were not made to work, work is just a societal agreement. We don't have to enjoy it and are allowed to moan about doing it.

You sound very spiteful and harsh towards your brother's situation IMO.

HollyJollyNovember · 04/12/2022 12:21

He's got learning difficulties.. does he have any support outside of you and your parents

glamourousindierockandroll · 04/12/2022 12:27

Keyansier · 04/12/2022 12:06

You sound very spiteful and harsh towards your brother's situation IMO.

He's not 'just moaning' about work though: he's jacking in these jobs left right and centre and the family are worried about him ending up unemployed.

Lots of people hate their job but do it because they can't afford not to. Lots of people hate their job so channel their energy into finding something else that will be suitable. He isn't doing either of these things and I would be concerned about him too.

Original poster

Bedazzled22 · 04/12/2022 12:34

@Keyansier I’m not spiteful and harsh, I am a good sister but I am drained. I do loads for him, help him when he asks for it, give him money, cook meals for him, family holiday every year. But it’s a strain for my elderly parents, and I worry about that. But I can’t do anything about it.

OP posts:

Cw112 · 04/12/2022 12:48

Hi op, does your brother have a support worker? There's some really good organisations that can support people with employment when they have a disability or learning difficulty and will work with the employer to help them understand any extra support the individual might need. Something like that might help take pressure off you and your parents and they might be able to help get adjustments in place so your brother might find work a better experience?

Original poster

Bedazzled22 · 04/12/2022 12:57

@Cw112 Thank you for your message. No, he has no support worker. His mild learning difficulty has never been diagnosed - he is early 50’s. His issues have never even been acknowledged in the family. I guess this makes it harder. He has had talking therapy a few times. I’m not sure it’s made any difference really.

OP posts:

Flip