I lost my nan who I loved so so much beginning of the year, my ex of 3.5 years who only recently said how much he was in love with me etc has been sleeping with others, says im unlovable and worthless etc, our relationship had good times but he hurt me alot physically and mentally would make pig noises at me and call me a fat pig and make me lie on the floor an pour water on me, smashed my things, I ripped some of his in retaliation but didn't like that trait so I stopped, strangled kicked punched me, talk to other women, he was stringing me along all summer I told him I knew he wasn't in love with me he now admitted he wasn't and that he's now happy and with someone and I was just a stepping stone and i wish i was as good as the woman hes with to be loved, I have a neighbour who gets stroppy if I don't do favours and asks for so many things I've started saying no I thought she was my friend but barely speaks to me now, I can't visit my dad as his partner likes it just them two but he will spend time with her family and their kids they call him grandad which is nice but I'm not invited to anything, I live alone and have had leaks and kitchen damages, my car is on its way out, I am in debt after my ex, I am in so much pain emotionally and alone and scared of life, I used to love my skincare work but the Dr I worked for very kindly said to me to take a break from work in 2019 as it wasn't good for clients to see my face as it was swollen were my ex punched my jaw, and I stayed with him and he did get better but got a bit bad again so I feel I wasted all that time and havent worked since 2019 totally lost my confidence.
In my heart I love home life, and Christmas etc but this year I'm alone I'm so loyal and legit. And I just feel like my heart is on fire.
Why is everything going wrong? Am I wrong to feel down?