So long story short I come from at least 3 generations of repeated abusive marriages of families. The normalcy of abuse (physical, psychological, spiritual and sexual) is very deeply ingrained into the minds of the people in my family especially the women. I have two sisters. The eldest (I will call her DOS) was the first to speak out and begin detangling the spiderweb. I who is the youngest was the second. We were both estranged from many members of our family because of this.
My mother left my father when I was 14. She was devastated but was backed into a corner because he was quite literally trying to murder her. Our entire family unit was cut off from all extended relatives because divorce and completely not tolerated because it is considered an unforgivable sin and now everyone thinks my mother is going to burn in hell.
My middle sister (DMS) has now married and divorced two abusive men. She was always treated differently by our family for some reason though. Maybe because she says all the right things and she is still very openly religious? Who knows? 🫤
Either way DMS’s last husband was very violent. His mother died while she was pregnant with his child and he completely escalated. He pushed her down the stairs while pregnant and bashed her skull into the wall, still while pregnant, and tried to do everything to get her nursing license removed including making false accusations about her to the police. She literally had part of her skull cracked open. My niece (who is not his biological child. I will call her DON) confessed to me that he would punish her while spanking her while she was completely naked starting at 8 years old, told her that her period was proof that she was a sl**ty dirty sinner and would not allow her mother to buy her panties for years even though the ones she had were far too small. She actually started manufacturing underwear out of old shirts in secret. When she confessed all this to me I tried to bring it up with the family to have an intervention but they all threatened me to keep quiet because my sister might lose her license! Anyways I reported it anonymously to CPS anyways because I couldn’t ignore what my niece told me. They never found out. Apparently they had a loud screaming match that night (surprise surprise) and she assumed it was the neighbours who called. Nothing came of it though sadly.
Well in the end they divorced because she reached her breaking point finally. She gave birth to a healthy young girl despite her injuries. I will call her DYN. She is 4 now. Anyways DMS is starting to talk to her ex again and he has visitation rights. DOS is upset and thinks she should apply for full custody and cut him off, but DM goes on and on about how this would break DYN’s heart and he’s her father and he loves her and it’s not right to keep them apart because we can’t erase her memory of him.
She did this with our father. We suffered his violent wrath for years because she went on and on about how he loves us. She told us that he beat us and called us names because he really just loves us and doesn’t want us to burn in hell. Somehow it’s like she suffers from full blown amnesia about all this horrible violence. I mentioned that I agreed with DOS. And I was accused of being a man hating feminist. I mean I’m married to a man and I don’t feel like a man hating feminist. She thinks he would NEVER hurt his own daughter. But I feel like if he is capable of hurting his wife who was carrying said daughter then he would certainly be capable of abusing his daughter regardless of whether or not she is biologically related.
I don’t know but I would rather be a man hating feminist then tolerate this… this I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO CALL IT BUT IT’S SO F**KED.
My mother is encouraging my sister to stay in touch with this sorry excuse of a man and I can’t help but feel like he’s trying to suck her back into his world.
I would also like to mention that he regularly addresses women as slts, whes and bches and tells DYN that her mommy is carrying another man’s baby because she’s a dirty sinning slt and she goes around repeating this foul language.
She also runs around screaming DADDY HATES YOU MOMMY. When she gets in trouble. And sometimes comes home crying saying “why won’t you get married to daddy again? he was crying on the couch for days saying he still loves you.”
But I don’t know. As I write this all down I feel silly for even having to ask but… am I the unreasonable one here? 😂 Somehow I still doubt myself.
Sorry for the long story. I just need another opinion outside of the family insanity.