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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wandering away from rest of group

19 replies

Wanderingoff · 03/12/2022 22:43

Okay so there is a hige context and back story to this.

but as a stand alone issue - if you were out with a group of people sight seeing - on a schedule - why would you deliberately keep disappearing into shops and not keeping up with people?

eg group has just gone for a walk on the beach then walking through town centre to a restaurant booked for a particular time.

relatively leisurely pace but do have to keep up a certain pace to make the booking.

why would someone do this?

aibu to think it’s just making a point?

is there any reason that would make understand and not me massively annoyed by this?

i was the one in charge of arranging the day….

OP posts:
Poppins2016 · 03/12/2022 22:53

Did the person have any input into the schedule and/or did they disagree with the schedule in any way?

I don't generally like being 'hurried along' or being rigidly railroaded into things (I like flexibility and spontaneity during leisure time) but happy to stick to a schedule if it's been agreed on fairly as a group.

I can imagine there must be a back story (as you allude to) which probably sheds more light on the issue.

Stichintime · 03/12/2022 22:55

Bloody annoying when time managing for a group when some seem to have no sense of time. If they knew the address of the venue I would have carried on and let them arrive late.

StickyCricket · 03/12/2022 22:58

As long as they know what time they need to be at the restaurant the rest of you should just crack on without this person - they’ll either turn up at the restaurant or not.

I do know Simone just like this, she has PTSD, social anxiety and panic attacks and sometimes just needs to take herself off on her own, even if that’s in the middle of an organised group meet up. But we all know about it and understand what she’s doing and why.

I guess the backstory that you haven’t included is hugely relevant.

StickyCricket · 03/12/2022 22:59

*someone, not Simone. Sorry Simone!

thelobsterquadrille · 03/12/2022 22:59

Maybe they didn't want to follow a strict schedule?

Original poster
Wanderingoff · 03/12/2022 23:00

Yeah back story hugely relevant- it’s my sister and I think it’s a power thing

upon reflection and boring the comments I think probably can’t really be considered out of context….

i am RAGING 😁

thanka for comments!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wanderingoff · 03/12/2022 23:01

Noting the comments

comments not boring!

OP posts:
forrestgreen · 03/12/2022 23:02

If you think it's on purpose just carry on, she can catch up. Just send her a chipper text to let her know where you are meeting up. Then she can't be arsy

gbconfused · 03/12/2022 23:02

I'd find it annoying. My sister did this when we were on a tight schedule. (With my kids). I said we needed to keep going and she had a tantrum. I wish I'd just left her in hindsight.

Doyoumind · 03/12/2022 23:03

Wanderingoff · 03/12/2022 23:00

Yeah back story hugely relevant- it’s my sister and I think it’s a power thing

upon reflection and boring the comments I think probably can’t really be considered out of context….

i am RAGING 😁

thanka for comments!

And yet you have let her win by becoming enraged.

Original poster
Wanderingoff · 03/12/2022 23:04

@Doyoumind im also currently googling how not to enraged by disordered relatives 😁

OP posts:
Mushroo · 03/12/2022 23:05

StickyCricket · 03/12/2022 22:58

As long as they know what time they need to be at the restaurant the rest of you should just crack on without this person - they’ll either turn up at the restaurant or not.

I do know Simone just like this, she has PTSD, social anxiety and panic attacks and sometimes just needs to take herself off on her own, even if that’s in the middle of an organised group meet up. But we all know about it and understand what she’s doing and why.

I guess the backstory that you haven’t included is hugely relevant.

Agree with this. You don’t need to babysit the entire day.

As long as they know what time they need to be at the restaurant it’s up to them how they get there.
if they are late, it’s on them, don’t wait to order.

Some people struggle with large group activities - the walk can be a chance to decompress a bit.

KrisAkabusi · 03/12/2022 23:05

Why does it enrage you, and why does it matter? Let her off and meet at the restaurant.

WhatHappenedToYoyos · 03/12/2022 23:07

Some people have no concept of time. What they think takes 2 minutes is actually closer to 15 minutes. Perhaps they didn't grasp how late they were making you?

Some people genuinely don't care and will turn up late somewhere on purpose if other things have been prioritised. In this case, shopping was more important and food could wait.

Some people are inconsiderate of others or selfish. It seems like you're currently edging towards this answer.

There are loads of reasons they've chosen to go in shops instead of head directly to the restaurant. I'd suggest waiting until you've calmed down, slept and had a chance to get over your anger then decide if you need to have a chat and tell them their behaviour upset you or whether to just let it go.

Honeyroar · 03/12/2022 23:07

I find when there’s a group it’s practically impossible to get everyone doing the same thing. Last time I organised a weekend away I gave everyone their individual tickets, room bookings at the start, gave them addresses and postcodes of where we were staying and going and times of any restaurant bookings (which were paid for up front anyway). That way it was up to them if they wandered off and didn’t keep up with the group.

Original poster
Wanderingoff · 03/12/2022 23:08

if I went on and left her she would kick off big time

its a long time since I’ve spent time with her like this and I forgot what it was like to deal with…

OP posts:
Original poster
Wanderingoff · 03/12/2022 23:09

Sorry - I should have given way more context to this

not a big sightseeing group

four of us

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 03/12/2022 23:10

What do the others think?

Original poster
Wanderingoff · 03/12/2022 23:11

The others are her kids…we were all annoyed but also all used to it…

OP posts:
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