Page 2 | To join DH on work Xmas night out?

Geog · 2022-12-03T18:42:26+00:00

My DH is on his work Christmas night out tonight. He's asked whether I'd like to join him after the meal for some drinks. Aibu to think I'll look like a clingon? I'm happy to leave him to it but it would be nice to get out for a bit. I wfh and don't have many opportunities to go out for drinks. I also don't have any colleagues. I'm not sure if this is why he's asked me. I also don't know if any other partners will be there.

MintChocCornetto · 03/12/2022 19:10

I'd go. The main bit is over after the meal, I bet lots of people will leave at that point & anyone left will be happy to have a few drinks and chat. It's not like you're gate-crashing the dinner.

Georgyporky · 03/12/2022 19:14

I'd go.

I appreciate that some "works' dos" exclude partners, but I'd be itching to get out of the house after their dinner.

AccioChocolate · 03/12/2022 19:18

Oblomov22 · 03/12/2022 19:07

No. Don't do it. It's cringeworthy.

Would you really cringe because someone brought a partner? Are you 15?

puddleduck234 · 03/12/2022 19:20

Oblomov22 · 03/12/2022 19:07

No. Don't do it. It's cringeworthy.

Why?

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 03/12/2022 19:21

Is he looking to have a get out before things get messy?

ExtraOnions · 03/12/2022 19:23

I’ve done it … and we have done it the other way round. I don’t see the problem, it’s not as if you are turning up unannounced

MysteryBelle · 03/12/2022 19:38

If there are other partners, yes.

Ramble0n · 03/12/2022 19:43

I wouldn't go. I'd feel like a spare part.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/12/2022 19:51

Oblomov22 · 03/12/2022 19:07

No. Don't do it. It's cringeworthy.

Assuming they're not going to be slobbering kissy faces over each all night, making out on the dance floor or having a screaming row cos he said hi to Amber from Accounts, in what way is it cringey?

luxxlisbon · 03/12/2022 20:20

AccioChocolate · 03/12/2022 19:18

Would you really cringe because someone brought a partner? Are you 15?

Show quote history

I would too, it just comes across as they can’t be separated from their spouse. It’s not a plus one party since OP wasn’t invited to the meal, if it was the done thing her DH would have been able to say all the partner come later but he hasn’t.
It’s would be weird even for your partner to tag along to a friend thing they weren’t invite too never mind a work Christmas do.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/12/2022 20:22

I’d go.

stuntbubbles · 03/12/2022 20:33

Work nights out are bad enough when it’s your own, why would you want to go to someone else’s?! Just go out with your DH another night.

funrunning · 03/12/2022 20:34

Depends on your workplace. The only people that have ever invited their other halves to our work parties are either desperately under the thumb or think their partner is super interesting and we are stuck making small talk to someone we don’t know. Surely you are able to spend time apart for one evening.

Original poster

Geog · 03/12/2022 20:34

Yeah I've decided not to go.

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 03/12/2022 20:39

Good choice. I wouldn't either. If it was out there as "all partners welcome" then no problem.
But it does tend to look like "we cant spend a night apart" if a partner just shows up and doesn't know anybody else there.

Indigoo03 · 03/12/2022 20:39

I wouldn't. Make your own plans and go out with mates

Oblomov22 · 03/12/2022 21:21

@AccioChocolate
@puddleduck234
@SleepingStandingUp

Fortunately Lisbon and Running have explained it perfectly.

DH works for a very big company and they very occasionally have a do where partners are invited and I've met most peoples partners and they're perfectly pleasant.

But this wasn't what op explained. I'm glad she didn't go. It's worrying that she even needed to ask.

Because as Lisbon and Running explained well, why would you even want to go.

When colleagues work together for a long time and they know all the history of the company, and they know each other, and they know what jobs they all do and how the company ticks. they know each other's personalities and the the funny things have happened. Only they know about it, it bonds them.

So if they go out, they socialise in a different way to normal group of friends.

Why on earth would op even want to go. It absolutely reeks of desperation, for someone who can't let their husband go out on their own. and it would change the whole dynamic of the group, because people will be talking to her - someone they don't even know instead of the 8 or 10 people who they do know well. it changes the whole dynamics of the evening. so why would you do that to not just your husband, but all the other people who are part of that group?

5128gap · 03/12/2022 21:26

Geog · 03/12/2022 20:34

Yeah I've decided not to go.

I hope that's because you didn't want to OP and you haven't missed out because of some of the responses on here. Fact is, there is only one person in a position to know if this would be OK, the one who invited you.

Blubell1981 · 03/12/2022 21:34

Oblomov22 · 03/12/2022 21:21

@AccioChocolate
@puddleduck234
@SleepingStandingUp

Fortunately Lisbon and Running have explained it perfectly.

DH works for a very big company and they very occasionally have a do where partners are invited and I've met most peoples partners and they're perfectly pleasant.

But this wasn't what op explained. I'm glad she didn't go. It's worrying that she even needed to ask.

Because as Lisbon and Running explained well, why would you even want to go.

When colleagues work together for a long time and they know all the history of the company, and they know each other, and they know what jobs they all do and how the company ticks. they know each other's personalities and the the funny things have happened. Only they know about it, it bonds them.

So if they go out, they socialise in a different way to normal group of friends.

Why on earth would op even want to go. It absolutely reeks of desperation, for someone who can't let their husband go out on their own. and it would change the whole dynamic of the group, because people will be talking to her - someone they don't even know instead of the 8 or 10 people who they do know well. it changes the whole dynamics of the evening. so why would you do that to not just your husband, but all the other people who are part of that group?

Oh come on, it's hardly worrying.

Maybe the people I work with are just nicer people. Nobody would ever think it was desperate.

NextPrimeMinister · 03/12/2022 22:07

If I worked with your DH I'd imagine you didnt trust him and assume you had a joint FB account, 'JillandMikeSmith'......

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/12/2022 22:12

I would go! He asked you, you didn’t push yourself in.