To be fed up having to feign excitement for birthday gifts

[Butterlover1]

DSis got me a cookery training day as a birthday gift - go to a fancy hotel, learn how to make lots of food, eat and drink, it's a group of 20, voucher is only for me

It's just not my thing at all, I've never expressed an interest in cooking, my cooking isn't bad and the idea of making small talk with 19 other stranger for a day sounds like a lot of hard work.

I was really clear I wasn't after anything for my birthday, just said for DSis and her kids to come over for lunch and some cake and the kids could put the Xmas decorations up.

I tried to be enthusiastic and I am grateful for the gesture but she's seen through my feigned enthusiasm and taken the hump. Says I'm so difficult to buy for and I should put more effort into thinking about what people can get me for gifts.

AIBU to think it's my fucking birthday and it's not about you feeling good about buying me something it's about me getting what I'd like - a nice lunch and a bit of cake!

Even my 9yo says to say thank you for a well intentioned gift even if it doesn't quite hit the mark.

If you would have been happy with no gift, you are no worse off with a gift you don't want to use. Pass it on to someone who will enjoy it.

*knows to say thank you

Says I'm so difficult to buy for and I should put more effort into thinking about what people can get me for gifts.

Did she ask you what you wanted for your birthday?

Tell her you aren’t doing gifts in future, would be lots easier.

OP told her what she would like and said thank you for the gift. What else would people have her do?

So glad someone else thinks this!

I’m autistic and am FED up of having to arrange my face to stroke other people’s egos.

I spent my childhood being told, “You don’t look pleased.” “You don’t look enthusiastic.” “You didn’t look at it properly.”

FUCK OFF!!

It’s utterly exhausting.

Yes and I said

"honestly nothing, you know what it's like these days, we all just buy stuff we need as we go along, I really can't think of anything that I need or want, thanks though. Why don't you and the kids come over on my birthday and we can have a nice lunch and I'll get some cake and candles and the kids can put up the decorations afterwards, it'd be great to see them getting all excited for Christmas"

And I said thank for the gift, I'm not ungrateful, I just didn't manage convincing levels of enthusiasm for it when I realised what it was.

I think if you're buying a gift where the recipient is required to 'do' something or go somewhere then you need to be quite certain it's something they would like.

I'd probably pretend to be grateful then pass it on to someone else. Though not easy when your sister managed to see through your lack of enthusiasm.

Exactly this and it leaves me with a distinct feeling that the gift isn't about me receiving something lovely but more about you feeling good about giving me something

My autistic child finds receiving surprise/ unknown gifts stressful and anxious too.

Oh yeah I missed that bit.

Yeah you've done nothing wrong. My ex used to do this.

If your sister says one more thing about it ask her why she asked you what you wanted for your birthday.

So you said you didn’t want anything and she’s interpreted that (reasonably) as you not wanting any stuff, so she chose an experience. Something that’s often recommended for people who don’t want to buy “stuff” as presents! A cookery course isn’t just for people who can’t cook, either. In fact usually they’re for people who enjoy cooking and the food and drink part of it sounds like fun.

Or do the same back to her. Next time ask her what SHE wants, get her somthing else and as she's opening your gift, stare at her intently and say "are you sure you like it? are you positive? you seem a bit unenthralled should I have got you something else? Are you sure it's ok?

Seriously do it back to her.

Having an early December birthday then Christmas I actually dread the relentless "what you want for your birthday" "you need to tell me what you want for Christmas" questions.

I just find the stress of having to think of stuff on behalf of other people shit.

Honestly, surprise “experience “ gifts are super high risk. I keep seeing people suggest them and it’s such a terrible idea- at least with a poorly chosen object you can give it to Oxfam or put it in the back of a cupboard.

I wish I had this problem - people relentlessly asking me what they could give me!

Why is it relentless? How many times are they asking you? Surely they just say "what do you want for your birthday" and you answer "I'd like X thank you". If they repeat themselves ask them why they keep asking the same question over and over again, that normally shuts them up.

YANBU