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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is DH gaslighting me?

2 replies

PineapplePrincess · 03/12/2022 15:15

Sitting with DH chatting, and he casually mentioned that I just got my nails done (I did, just yesterday which I told him about). Thinking he’s going to say they’re nice or something…. No he asks how much they cost, I said £25 and that I paid for it out of my money from my account.

He then said I’m always getting my nails done. I pointed out I go every 4-6 weeks or so, that I didn’t think that was excessive (it’s one of the few treats I have and can often be really difficult to arrange between working full time in a senior role and looking after two kids).

He then said I go every week. I stated that I don’t. He goes onto say, “well you tell me that you’re going out to get your nails done every week - if you’re not, where are you going…?”

I didn’t know what to say. I don’t get my nails done every week, I don’t go out on a weekly basis and use that as an excuse. So I tried to explain that, and point out maybe he thinks the last time I went was sooner than it actually was (it was 9th November btw, and was only shorter this time as one of my nails had broke).

He insisted that I did last week. I have no recollection or understanding of what he’s talking about. I showed him my diary and explained each ‘outing’ from going into work (I usually WFH), to taking the kids to soft play and to going to a nursery Xmas event. Each activity I have told him about both before and then discussed after the event.

He just kept insisting he was right and I was wrong. This e scaled into an argument and we are now not talking.

I feel like I’m going mad as he’s so convinced he’s right. I’m also not quite sure what I’m being accused of. But I haven’t lied, I’m not having an affair (and he has no reason to think I am!) and I don’t think I’m being overly indulgent to get my nails done every so often.

OP posts:
DenholmElliot11 · 03/12/2022 15:18

He may have been doing this for a while and this is the first time you've noticed.

the only way to check if someone is gaslighting you is to make notes of what was said. It was only when I started to do this that I saw how prevalent my ex husbands gaslighting was.

VioletLemon · 03/12/2022 15:19

You're in an abusive relationship that will only get worse. Get out now while you can build a new life for yourself. You know deep down and I'm sure you could have said much more. How dare a man speak to you and bully you in this way. Feck him.

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