Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want my dad to introduce this woman yet?

25 replies

JungleBellss · 03/12/2022 11:15

My dad looks after my young DC two days a week for which I'm very grateful!

He's been dating a woman now for about 2-3 months and he's asked me if he can take DC out with her somewhere next week when he's looking after them.

My husband thinks this is fine, I want to say no, not yet, AIBU?

OP posts:
notdaddycool · 03/12/2022 11:24

Just describe her as a friend and ask that it’s only occasional for a god while yet.

Joyfuljolly · 03/12/2022 11:27

Of course it’s fine why wouldn’t it be?

Chamomileteaplease · 03/12/2022 11:29

I suppose there are a few things to consider:

Firstly, is this woman sane, safe and sensible!! Do you know anything about her? She could be on her own with your child while your dad is in the loo, paying for something, or whatever and you need to be able to trust her.

He has only known her a short time, can he tell if she is trustworthy?

How often does he want to include her? Because it will change the whole dynamic of the days. But then that could possibly be in a good way.

Also, what if she's lovely and then they split up and your child misses her!

Have you met this woman and how old is your child?

TheyreOnlyNoodlesMichael · 03/12/2022 11:31

Why would it be an issue?

You either trust his judgement enough to accept his childcare 2 days a week, or you don't.

Joyfuljolly · 03/12/2022 11:33

Agree you are letting him do childcare so you must trust his judgement. She’s clearly not an ow so I don’t think you can dictate he’s not allowed to see her when he does childcare

what’s the back story why do you want to say no?

plusk · 03/12/2022 11:34

Let him introduce her as friend

clpsmum · 03/12/2022 11:47

Of course it's ok. He doesn't have to introduce her as anything but a friend. If he is doing childcare for you you can't really dictate if he sees friends and has extra help in those hours I'm afraid. Maybe look for alternative childcare if you don't like it

TidyDancer · 03/12/2022 11:52

I can understand your hesitancy but I'm not sure there is a lot you can really do here. I think I'd be inclined to find a way of saying yes but only if she isn't left alone with them. It's a very short amount of time he's known her so it's reasonable that you're skittish about it.

YellowTreeHouse · 03/12/2022 11:53

TheyreOnlyNoodlesMichael · 03/12/2022 11:31

Why would it be an issue?

You either trust his judgement enough to accept his childcare 2 days a week, or you don't.

This.

butterfliedtwo · 03/12/2022 11:53

TheyreOnlyNoodlesMichael · 03/12/2022 11:31

Why would it be an issue?

You either trust his judgement enough to accept his childcare 2 days a week, or you don't.

Pretty much.

TrashyPanda · 03/12/2022 11:58

Are you able to say what is making you feel like this?

Onnabugeisha · 03/12/2022 12:00

Are your DC old enough to understand if something is off and be able to tell you? Eg, if this woman helps them go to the toilet and insists on wiping their privates or touches them in a pervy way…would they be able to tell you?

crussont · 03/12/2022 12:03

TheyreOnlyNoodlesMichael · 03/12/2022 11:31

Why would it be an issue?

You either trust his judgement enough to accept his childcare 2 days a week, or you don't.

Agreed. It was very nice of him to have asked tbh

ChessieDarling · 03/12/2022 12:03

TheyreOnlyNoodlesMichael · 03/12/2022 11:31

Why would it be an issue?

You either trust his judgement enough to accept his childcare 2 days a week, or you don't.

Exactly this. Your reaction is based, I expect, on an emotional response, but it’s illogical and I think, with a moment or two to rationally think about it, you’ll see that.

crussont · 03/12/2022 12:04

Onnabugeisha · 03/12/2022 12:00

Are your DC old enough to understand if something is off and be able to tell you? Eg, if this woman helps them go to the toilet and insists on wiping their privates or touches them in a pervy way…would they be able to tell you?

The DC will be with the person who OP trusts to do all that

Joyfuljolly · 03/12/2022 12:43

I also think it was nice of him to ask. It’s also nice of him to do two days child care weekly that’s a lot.

im guessing there is a back story, have you met the woman? Has your mother passed, I’m sorry if she has, and you’re struggling with him dating?

softpilllow · 03/12/2022 12:44

My husband thinks this is fine, I want to say no, not yet, AIBU?

It really depends on why you're oh want to say no?

MoreSleepPleasee · 03/12/2022 12:56

Yabu. You could get another free babysitter I suppose.

Ellessdee · 03/12/2022 13:02

If he wanted to take your DC out for a walk with one of his friends would you be OK with that? Kids don't need to know they're in a relationship. My dad has a new partner of 3 months and she's staying at my dad's house this weekend. We're all going for a takeaway later. It's nice.

SpaceOP · 03/12/2022 13:20

Unless he is thr type to insist the dc call her Granny, I am struggling to see the problem.

Are you struggling with him seeing a new woman?

Original poster
JungleBellss · 03/12/2022 13:28

Hi, thanks. DC are only little one a baby the other a toddler.

I'm not bothered about him dating but the last partner he had was absolutely horrid, truly an absolutely awful woman, I'm not going to go into everything here but yeah it's the reason they separated eventually. It's made me a bit hesitant.

No I have never met her, he only told me about her a few weeks ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
JungleBellss · 03/12/2022 13:30

My parents have been separated for ages so it's nothing to do with my mum or being upset about that. I just think it's too soon and I'd prefer to meet her myself at some point first.

I appreciate he's very very kindly looking after DC for us I am so grateful for this and it was never an expectation, it's something he wanted to do and seems to enjoy as much as our DC do being with him.

OP posts:
forrestgreen · 03/12/2022 13:45

I'd say please wait until we've all met her

Joyfuljolly · 03/12/2022 13:46

Invite her round then for dinner or coffee?

MarshaMelrose · 03/12/2022 13:49

Would you be OK him going for a walk with anyone you hadn't met? A mate, a neighbour, the Princess of Wales. Or is it specifically women he dates?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread