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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be furious at being called a money obsessed penny pinching hag?

21 replies

FatBellyJones · 31/01/2008 22:11

Just because I asked dp if the people he lent my money to had paid him back yet, he said they had so I asked for the money. You would think I'd asked him to donate a kidney to the local wino! It's my fucking money!!! He knows I'm saving up for something so I am being careful but I was good enough to let his friends borrow £250 and I don't think it's unreasonable to want it back rather than it go into his pocket!

Bit of background.. he's a really crappy money manager so I've always had to bail him out halfway through the month but now because I'm saving up for this thing I've told him he needs to look after his money and watch his spending because I'm not willing to do it anymore. I even offered to help him. FGS he gets to keep £800 a month just for himself so it's not like he has to scrimp and he doesn't have to pay bills out of that or anything. That sum is his own personal allowance!

He's resentful because he knows I'm saving up and I've managed to save a fair bit so far.. I'm about halfway there and it's killing him that there's a chunk of money in the bank that I won't let him fritter away.

Arrgghhhh

OP posts:

NoBiggy · 31/01/2008 22:13

YANBU, that's outrageous! (Did he let them think it was his money?)

Habbibu · 31/01/2008 22:14

YANBU. Even if the background bit wasn't so extreme, it's a horrible thing to say. Could it have been partly in jest?

Original poster

FatBellyJones · 31/01/2008 22:15

yes, he did. I stupidly let him borrow my cashcard and he swanned around using it willy nilly. (I've taken all but the bare minimum out of that account now so he can't do it again)

OP posts:

Original poster

FatBellyJones · 31/01/2008 22:16

No, he wasn't joking at all.. he's gone off muttering under his breath. He's actually got the cheek to be angry!

OP posts:

controlfreakyagain · 31/01/2008 22:17

he is being a complete and utter arse... and freaking ungrateful with it!

dirtygertiefromnumber30 · 31/01/2008 22:18

how long have you been with this man?

Jackstini · 31/01/2008 22:19

YA def NBU and you need to sit him down and tell him.
Maybe ask him point blank why he is angry - he can hardly say "because you want what is rightfully yours and I only have 800 quid a month to play with"
Can he...?
Do you earn quite a bit more than he does? Is the 800 out of his wages or yours?

NoBiggy · 31/01/2008 22:20

That sounds very...wrong. People who are like that tend to be just like that, I think!

Nightmare

Original poster

FatBellyJones · 31/01/2008 22:22

yep he is
he's pissed off because I've asked for him to manage on his own money until the end of April which is when I'll have finished saving and have more income anyway. What really pisses me off is that my income pays all the bills, food, clothes etc for me and the kids. He contributes at the beginning of the month and has most of it back by the end.

and he's acting as if it's only this month I've tried to address his poor management, it's not, we do it every bloody month!

OP posts:

Desiderata · 31/01/2008 22:24

Where does the £800.00 a month come from that he doesn't have to spend from?

Is he a drug addict?

Original poster

FatBellyJones · 31/01/2008 22:28

We;ve been together three years. Over that time we've roughly shared our income. Now however he has a job with a goodish salary and once he's paid his bankloan etc he's left with 14-1500, he gives me 500.

My income is student loan and a scholarship plus child benefit and tax credits for two children. it's not great but having been a single parent for years I've learned how to budget and how to make it stretch. The reason I'm a bit flusher than usual is because the october instalment of my student loan wasn't paid until 20th december and then I got the january instalment two weeks later. and the scholarship was awarded late too so I got basically 6 months money in two weeks and was able to put quite a lot of it away and that's what he resents I think.

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 31/01/2008 22:30

Why are you with him? He sounds very disrespectful and immature.

Original poster

FatBellyJones · 31/01/2008 22:31

desiderata, he spends about £30 a week on weed.. the rest on fancy lunches and gadgets and crap

OP posts:

Desiderata · 31/01/2008 22:32

I would like to wax lyrical, but I'd rather just say that he's a twunt.

There's nothing more unattractive than a man who doesn't pay his way. You need to speak to him, or eventually you will leave him.

dirtygertiefromnumber30 · 31/01/2008 22:34

do you have children with him?

i wouldnt want to be in a relationship with a man like that.

handlemecarefully · 31/01/2008 22:36

Blimey! He is in the wrong

Jackstini · 31/01/2008 22:39

Are they his kids or is that where he is getting resentful?
Does the 500 he gives you each month cover food/bills etc?

Original poster

FatBellyJones · 31/01/2008 22:44

every other aspect of our relationship is great, it's just getting him to be sensible about money that's the problem. Maybe it's because he's so much younger than me and came straight from his mum's house to mine, I dunno.

He's fine with the kids, he does buy them the odd game and stuff too. The £500 would be enough if he didn't borrow it back.

He's resentful of the fact that I've got quite a big chunk of money in the bank that is not to be spent.

OP posts:

Jackstini · 31/01/2008 22:55

Does he (mistakenly) think some of your chunk in the bank comes from his 500 quid?
Maybe he thinks you are saving the housekeeping and miraculously feeding and clothing all of you on a pittance?
Or does he not approve of the thing you are saving up for?
Definitely think you need to sit down and discuss finances moving forward or you are going to hit this mess everytime one of you wants to buy something big.

nametaken · 31/01/2008 22:57

YANBU - and whatever you do don't give him the money he wants so badly and that you have scrimped and saved for.

Could you move your money into a different account and keep it hidden from it. If he ask's where it is you can say you spent it on weed

Original poster

FatBellyJones · 31/01/2008 23:06

he knows exactly where the money has come from.

He just came down and said he knows he's crap with money and offered to get his salary paid into my account and then I just transfer bits over for him

he's supportive of what i want the money for.. (cosmetic surgery) as it will boost my confidence no end which will benefit him too He just seems to be having trouble separating the fact that the money has a purpose from the fact that it is available.

I have moved the bulk of it into a savings account now with just our living expense money in the current account that he doesn't have access to.

OP posts:

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