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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler saying she doesn’t like me..

30 replies

Woahhh · 02/12/2022 23:36

My DD is 3.5 and when she has a tantrum or I ask her to do something that she does not want too she kicks and screams and shouts. She has started saying ‘I don’t like you mummy’ when she is upset. It’s really started to upset me. I picked her up the other day after pre school and she didn’t want to go in her car seat so I lifted her up and she started kicking her legs and screaming, kicking me in the face in the process. Is this just a phase, will it pass?

OP posts:
notdaddycool · 02/12/2022 23:37

It will pass, think of it as I don’t like doing what you’re telling me mummy but with limited words.

Beamur · 02/12/2022 23:40

She doesn't mean it and it will pass.
It's almost worth replying that you still love her, however she is behaving.
Good point above, she's cross but has limited language to express it.

Labraradabrador · 02/12/2022 23:42

Yes, it will pass. They will move on to more subtle forms of manipulation. My husband travels a lot, and has minimal childcare responsibilities when he is here, but ‘I miss daddy’ becomes a common refrain when I am disciplining while he is away. One daughter has started telling me all the things she will do differently when she’s a mommy (she will always say yes to her children, will let them have unlimited desserts, will let them stay up late, etc.)

Notimeforaname · 02/12/2022 23:42

Normal.
Worked in a nursery for a time, I routinely watched parents pick up their children and run into each other arms one day...then the next day they're pulled out kicking and screaming 'I hate you"

Colourmehappy26 · 02/12/2022 23:43

It’s a phase, she’s frustrated and angry but doesn’t know exactly how to express it, she’s probably learnt this somewhere and is a way to communicate she doesn’t like what’s happening. It’s so tough to hear sometimes but she doesn’t mean it Flowers

Blocked · 02/12/2022 23:44

Normal! Wait til she uninvites you to her birthday party Grin

Orangesare · 02/12/2022 23:44

Normal
My mostly delightful 2 year old likes to call me a bad mummy very loudly at the worst possible moments. She also bites, kicks and pinches when she is feeling out of sorts.

stuntbubbles · 03/12/2022 00:12

Oh, my daughter dislikes me every day at the moment. I’m too pregnant to play on the floor with her so it’s: boring mummy, I only like daddy cos he sits on the floor, I don’t like you and you never carry me; I’ll like you again when the baby goes away.

I just say never mind, I love you, cucumber sticks or rounds? Or whatever we’re doing.

sjpkgp1 · 03/12/2022 01:14

stuntbubbles · 03/12/2022 00:12

Oh, my daughter dislikes me every day at the moment. I’m too pregnant to play on the floor with her so it’s: boring mummy, I only like daddy cos he sits on the floor, I don’t like you and you never carry me; I’ll like you again when the baby goes away.

I just say never mind, I love you, cucumber sticks or rounds? Or whatever we’re doing.

Love this, and so right when they are so young too - defo don't take it personally - and almost for forever ! My four constantly made reference to why they didn't like me (for some stupid reason) I've got a 17yo (the last of the four) when I was giving him a lift to school this morning, after making him the perfect "all the things he likes" lunch and on the journey he dropped his phone down the side of the car which frustrated him, and he then said /shouted "Don't speak to me, stop speaking". Got there in silence and before he went I gaily wished him a happy day in school, and told him I loved him. Text at lunchtime "the sandwich was lovely mum, best ever xxx". It wasn't quite the "I am sorry I was so unreasonable this morning" I would have hoped for, but it sort of counts. They say these things, but they really don't mean them. Yes, it's a phase, and yes it will pass, only to be replaced by something else, but boundaries are best for you and them.

ZiggyAndChanelle · 03/12/2022 01:17

toughen up

NoSquirrels · 03/12/2022 01:23

when she has a tantrum or I ask her to do something that she does not want to

That’s all it is - she doesn’t mean she doesn’t like/love you, she means I don’t like what you’re asking me to do.

It will pass - or rather, it will go in phases and you will learn to not be hurt so much by it.

NoSquirrels · 03/12/2022 01:24

Text at lunchtime "the sandwich was lovely mum, best ever xxx". It wasn't quite the "I am sorry I was so unreasonable this morning" I would have hoped for, but it sort of counts.

😍

Ginseng1 · 03/12/2022 01:59

You'll need to toughen up. Wait til teenagers, the insults get progressively worse no matter what you do.

BigCheeseSandwich · 03/12/2022 02:40

"Toughen up" really isn't helpful. 🙄

As others have said, it's simply they can't express themselves property at this age. If they could, they'd say "Mum, I'm really displeased that you've cut my cucumbers in this particular shape. I'd rather have sticks than circles next time."

But they can't, so they say "I hate you".

Moraxella · 03/12/2022 03:09

@sjpkgp1
💔
oh I miss my mum

jumperoozles · 03/12/2022 06:44

Very healthy for them to express their emotions. Let her without getting cross with her. It hurts but they have limited language and big feelings. She loves you to death really.

MissMogwai · 03/12/2022 06:51

Blocked · 02/12/2022 23:44

Normal! Wait til she uninvites you to her birthday party Grin

🤣 my youngest DD used to say this when she was the same age. It was the worst punishment she could think of!

It was year round too, not just a threat near her birthday 🤣 she's almost 19 now but I still remember her cross little face and the stamp of her foot as my judgement was passed.

Both of my daughters would also throw in "you're not my best friend mummy" - harsh!

emmetgirl · 03/12/2022 07:00

Wait until she's a teenager and tells you she hates you.

JennyForeigner · 03/12/2022 07:12

Yes, ours says I'm a naughty mummy and he's going to get a NEW mummy.

He told my husband to go into the garden for 100 YEARS and the newts can EAT YOU UP. We give him points for creativity.

Numbat2022 · 03/12/2022 07:12

Yes, mine doesn't like me at the moment either. He also does the 'I want Daddy ' thing when I tell him off or won't let him do something. It's completely normal, they can't express themselves like adults.

He'll like me again this evening as I'm out all day and daddy will be doing all the discipline 😂

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 03/12/2022 07:15

Ignore it. But there must be a tough consequence for the screaming and kicking !

HungryandIknowit · 03/12/2022 07:19

Normal. Try not to let it affect you - it's not personal, she's 3! Good luck.

stuntbubbles · 03/12/2022 07:35

JennyForeigner · 03/12/2022 07:12

Yes, ours says I'm a naughty mummy and he's going to get a NEW mummy.

He told my husband to go into the garden for 100 YEARS and the newts can EAT YOU UP. We give him points for creativity.

Grin Mine told me to ask the binmen to take me away. Note I had to do the asking myself – I suggested she do it and it only infuriated her more.

Whingingwingers · 03/12/2022 07:42

Normal.

dh always hated picking ds2 up from nursery as he never wanted to go and would should ‘help, help’ as he tried to get him in the car. DH would arrive home convinced someone had called the police to report a child abduction.

TheConstantPhase · 03/12/2022 07:55

Aged 3 Ds told me furiously “I hope a space rocket comes down from the sky and lands on your head and burns you with its flames” because I wouldn’t let him use his toy fire extinguisher with real water in the kitchen.

He has grown up into a very loving young adult.

I would focus on the kicking. At 3.5 she needs to know that kicking at people is not OK. “Use your words not your feet” (so don’t take it personally!) “I know you are cross but however cross you are it is never ok to kick someone” etc.

It’s ok for her to express her emotions in the heat of the moment, but not ok to kick you.

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