Not to go to goddaughter's birthday party?

[Create10]

She's turning five next week, and her party is at my friend's, her DM's, house.

I always make an effort to attend her parties when I'm invited, because I feel obliged as her DGM.

I really don't want to go to this one. Every year I arrive, alone, and everyone else is seated with their families. I do know people there, and have done for many years, and I'm not shy, but it's excruciating.

DF is understanding preoccupied organising the party. I know her family well and have done since we were kids, so I go and say hello etc, make small talk, then they'll turn back to the conversation at 'their' table and I'm once again looking around for someone to talk to.

Last year I saw an ex there, who I still get on very well with, and stood with his family for 20 minutes, but the conversation runs dry and I just hate it. I'm attending 'alone' whereas everyone else arrives in couples, with their kids etc, and I feel like Billy no mates wandering about.

AIBU not to go?

YANBU obviously. Don’t bother, no one will mind if you have other things to do.

Is the party on her actual birthday?

If so, I'd pop in for half an hour then make your excuses.
If not, say you'll pop her present round on her birthday as she'll want to spend her party with her friends now she's a bit older.

No, it's not. I'll definitely still get her present to her.

I only stayed about half an hour last year but I had a legitimate excuse to escape.

It sounds more like a wedding than a young child's birthday party. Families at tables? You bumped into an ex? This is not what my 5 year old's party looks like. It sounds like there will be plenty of people there so you don't have to feel bad about not going. Just say you can't make it.

You need another legitimate excuse.

I understand. I'm often invited to friend's children's birthday parties. And there is a level of expectation that I have to go.
Eveytime, I only stay for a short time as I have another thing to do.

I think its a win win. My friend is happy I came and I'm happy that I only have to be there for a short time

It sounds a really weird set up. Who clutters up a children’s party with their child free adult friends? The parents need to focus on their child and running the party for the other 5 year olds - how do they have the band width to basically host an adult party at the same time? Unless the adults s are other parents mucking in to help their attendance is pointless

My ex is DGD's godfather. I see him quite regularly at events involving DF - he's her DH's good friend.

It isn't just my DGD's playmates who are invited (obviously, as I am not one). It's her parents' family, their children, friends and their children etc. They're not always sat around physical tables (although they have been when DF has held the parties at pubs instead of at home), but sit together on sofas, in the kitchen etc.

Either say sorry you can't make it but you'll pop round on her birthday with her present.
Or go but arrive late and just stay for 30-40 minutes. Depends on the type of party but if it's really busy with kids running around no-one will notice you've gone.

They don't host the adult side. The adults are left to their own devices having handed over a gift.

I stayed for about half an hour last year and it felt like a lot, lot longer.

Pop round with her card/present and say " I'm just dropping it off early because I can't get here on party day".

I'd be tempted to be honest with your DGD,s mother with what you've said in your original post. It's fully understandable how you feel that way. It will either nudge them to make sure you're not feeling awkward, or help them understand why you're only popping in and leaving rather than an excuse every year

Thank you, I might just do this. Just say that it's a bit of a pain attending a party alone so I'll drop her present in another time.