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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Christmas isn’t a competition

29 replies

Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 01/12/2022 22:44

Seeing a lot of nasty competitive comments towards people on many different social media sights. Since when was Christmas competitive. My belief has always been - you do Christmas how you want, there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Christmas is what you make it. Why do people have to belittle others for what they can or can not buy?
im seeing people getting ridiculed because they buy certain things for THIER kids for Christmas, they only spend a certain amount, they spend too much.
ive personally been victimised because I spend more on my dc than another mum could spend on hers. Apparently it’s not fair on those who can’t afford too..

I work hard for my money, I save all year long to ensure my kids have the best Christmas, I have a budget and yes to some it may be a bit high £250 for each DC) but It’s not my fault or problem if others can not. I’ll be damned if I stop treating my kids because some people can’t afford to spend that much on thier own kids. I’m not gonna be made to feel guilty for money I have earnt and spent on my own dc.

both kids were told to not mention where thier presents come from to friends, I told them because some people aren’t as fortunate, and so far they’ve not broken that rule.

OP posts:
SeenAndNot · 01/12/2022 22:47

Of course it’s not a competition. Spend what you like, but keep it quiet, keep it to yourself. No one need to know what you’re spending/getting.

gemloving · 01/12/2022 22:47

It seems like you're making it a competition. Why would you even tell anyone on social media how much you spend on your children. I'm confused here.

upfucked · 01/12/2022 22:49

This is what happens when people but their private information on social media. I can’t understand why you would need to share this information.

KitchiHuritAngeni · 01/12/2022 22:49

If you're not competitive then why are you telling anyone what you spend?

Not one person knows if I've spent a tenner or a thousand and it will stay that way.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 01/12/2022 22:50

If it's not a competition why are you going round telling others what you spend/do for Christmas? You're completely contradicting.
Yourself.

FurElsie · 01/12/2022 22:51

The social media part is obviously the problem. Spend what you can afford, keep it to yourself.

Lou670 · 01/12/2022 22:53

Unreasonable for spelling 'their' wrong and unreasonable for disclosing the amount that you spend. If it's not a competition, then why do we need to know this?

RobinRobinMouse · 01/12/2022 22:55

I sort of agree, but it's not so much that I'd say it's like a competition, more like some people have decided there are certain rules that must be followed and if you don't you are an awful person - amount spent, number of gifts, who the gifts are from, what the gifts are, what else you do during the Christmas period, what you put in the stocking, what you say about Father Christmas etc. I'm finding that this year people are almost aggressive with their opinions on this and are unable to accept that different people do things differently and have their own traditions.

Original poster
Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 01/12/2022 23:00

gemloving · 01/12/2022 22:47

It seems like you're making it a competition. Why would you even tell anyone on social media how much you spend on your children. I'm confused here.

sorry For the confusion, we were in a group setting and discussing budgets. I didn’t share on social media until in this post.... although it shouldn’t matter if I did mention it, that’s my choice of budget, I’m not in a competition with others, but people make it to a competition. I see people getting slated on like for just mentioning they brought thier kids pants and socks for a stocking. It shouldn’t matter to people what others are buying.

OP posts:
FurElsie · 01/12/2022 23:01

RobinRobinMouse · 01/12/2022 22:55

I sort of agree, but it's not so much that I'd say it's like a competition, more like some people have decided there are certain rules that must be followed and if you don't you are an awful person - amount spent, number of gifts, who the gifts are from, what the gifts are, what else you do during the Christmas period, what you put in the stocking, what you say about Father Christmas etc. I'm finding that this year people are almost aggressive with their opinions on this and are unable to accept that different people do things differently and have their own traditions.

But again, isn't this just to do with the type of people who are posting stuff on social media? Why worry about strangers, have a lovely Christmas however you do it in your own family 🙂

RobinRobinMouse · 01/12/2022 23:05

@FurElsie Thank you, the same to you :-)
I only use Mumsnet so not sure about other social media, but sometimes you.can be commenting or trying to help with something and can feel almost under attack if you happen to mentions that you do something for Christmas in a way that someone deems 'wrong, e.g. main present from Father Christmas.

Original poster
Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 01/12/2022 23:05

RobinRobinMouse · 01/12/2022 22:55

I sort of agree, but it's not so much that I'd say it's like a competition, more like some people have decided there are certain rules that must be followed and if you don't you are an awful person - amount spent, number of gifts, who the gifts are from, what the gifts are, what else you do during the Christmas period, what you put in the stocking, what you say about Father Christmas etc. I'm finding that this year people are almost aggressive with their opinions on this and are unable to accept that different people do things differently and have their own traditions.

This is exactly what I mean, like it doesn’t matter what I spend, or what I buy, it doesn’t matter wether I disclose my budget, if someone asks me I will tell them, I’m not ashamed, I don’t feel guilty for spending that much, it’s how I do Christmas. If I want to share that, I shouldn’t be ridiculed. This insane notion to follow some arbitrary rules that are not even real. Everyone has their own way of doing Christmas and that’s it. Why do they have to get trashed because they’ve given a few ideas, it’s crazy.

OP posts:
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 01/12/2022 23:09

YANBU.

Sick of posts like “think about other kids when you buy your children presents”. Er, no. I barely have the headspace and time to sort presents for my lot I’m not sitting there thinking if it will upset anyone else.

DD is in year 5 and hasn’t believed in Santa in 2 years. I’ve told her to not tell her brother, who’s nearly 6, but the fucking fuss and aggro about ‘keeping the magic alive’ on her class WhatsApp group is ridiculous. No I’m not going to tell DD to join in with the Santa speculation, she’s almost 10, it’s time they knew!

But I also put nothing about presents on Facebook so no one should know what I get my kids unless I told them

ladydimitrescu · 01/12/2022 23:12

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 01/12/2022 23:09

YANBU.

Sick of posts like “think about other kids when you buy your children presents”. Er, no. I barely have the headspace and time to sort presents for my lot I’m not sitting there thinking if it will upset anyone else.

DD is in year 5 and hasn’t believed in Santa in 2 years. I’ve told her to not tell her brother, who’s nearly 6, but the fucking fuss and aggro about ‘keeping the magic alive’ on her class WhatsApp group is ridiculous. No I’m not going to tell DD to join in with the Santa speculation, she’s almost 10, it’s time they knew!

But I also put nothing about presents on Facebook so no one should know what I get my kids unless I told them

It's not up to you when other children stop believing - you'd be a prize dickhead to encourage her to tell other kids because you think it's time they knew.

Bllueblazerblack · 01/12/2022 23:13

It just comes across a humble bragging. Your assertion that you can afford it because you "work hard" would be a kick in the teeth to those who work just as hard but are really struggling.
Finances should be a private matter. Just be tactful. No-one us forcing you to reveal the amounts spent.

Luredbyapomegranate · 01/12/2022 23:14

Just don’t tell people what you spend then

Although I can’t imagine anyone else gives a shit you do for Christmas

gemloving · 01/12/2022 23:14

Yes but you're saying, I've worked hard, I've done this and good for you. I wouldn't care and don't. My family are very privileged but I would always be very careful to not make others feel bad because they might not be able to spend as you seem to say £250 on each child despite the fact they work hard for their money too. Some might love to give their children just as much but simply cannot, that's why it's a sensitive topic. It's not a competition but simply a sensitive topic.

gemloving · 01/12/2022 23:23

One last thing, when anyone wants to discuss budgets, why don't you just say. It really doesn't matter, our children are lucky to grow up in a safe home & have parents that love them unconditionally. The Christmas magic isn't necessarily just about the presents but about who you spend it with, the people you love most, the wonderful traditions in your house etc.

Creameggs223 · 01/12/2022 23:45

Spend what you like just don't tell everyone how much no one needs to know or cares. Just like know one needs to see a picture of all the presents they have bought for little john.
I don't do Social media anymore its for people to show off about how much they spend on their dc or how many fancy days out they have, when in reality they only do these things to post pictures an say look at me look what a great mum I am quite sad really.

StarManDan · 01/12/2022 23:50

You lost me at the point where you not only quoted your budget, but the fact that you also quoted this on social media. Why the need? I might be extremely proud of what I've managed to budget this year, I also might be worried sick about how I am going to give my kids a nice Christmas in comparison to all of their friends. But either way, I wouldn't be posting that information.....

Allsnotwell · 01/12/2022 23:59

Some people work hard to pay the bills, others have £££ in the bank - one of DD’s friend was gifted a £34K car as her Christmas gift.

Her other friend didn’t have any family to spend Christmas with as his mum was in hospital and his sisters father didn’t have room. He wasn’t concerned about gifts and just wanted a hot meal (of coarse we invited him)

Everyone is different - no need to discuss costs at all.

WindyKnickers · 02/12/2022 00:09

I think you are reading too much into it. No one really cares what you spend on your kid. Personally I like to make sure each of mine have something that they really like and then a couple of extras like books or clothes. I think buying piles of stuff up to a maximum budget level is tacky and pointless. I hate seeing those huge piles of presents on social media. No one cares if you "worked hard" for it.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 02/12/2022 00:29

Yanbu to say it’s not a competition, but how does anyone find out how much you spend?

UWhatNow · 02/12/2022 00:34

“DD is in year 5 and hasn’t believed in Santa in 2 years. I’ve told her to not tell her brother, who’s nearly 6, but the fucking fuss and aggro about ‘keeping the magic alive’ on her class WhatsApp group is ridiculous. No I’m not going to tell DD to join in with the Santa speculation, she’s almost 10, it’s time they knew!”

Time they knew what? That you’re a joyless misery? My kids are in their twenties and we still keep the magic alive. Santa still visits. Don’t be one of those brutal arseholes who ruins other kids’ Christmases just because you cba putting yourself out for your own kids. I feel very sorry for them.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 02/12/2022 00:36

ladydimitrescu · 01/12/2022 23:12

It's not up to you when other children stop believing - you'd be a prize dickhead to encourage her to tell other kids because you think it's time they knew.

Show quote history

<peers at own post>

When did I tell her to encourage others not to believe?!

I really hate it when people make things up on here. Especially when it’s SO off the mark 🙄

Ive just said I’m not going to force her to pretend to peers her age that she’s excited about Santa. I’ve told her not to blab the truth but that doesn’t mean she has to merrily lie and says she believes.