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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not leaving work early

26 replies

moolady1977 · 01/12/2022 22:21

Kids have money in a bank account that only me and their dad can access but has to be done jointly . Son has messaged me tonight wanting some money from the account for getting Xmas stuff and he wants it tomorrow , now here's the aibu he wants me to finish work early to go to bank for it and when I said no I'll go Saturday I'm told I'm selfish and town will be rammed then because it's close to Xmas so aibu to say it's Saturday or you don't get it full stop , Monday to Friday job 7-3 or 8-4 shifts

OP posts:
Everydaywheniwakeup · 01/12/2022 22:24

How old is he? If he's old enough to do his own shopping, I'd say he's old enough to be pissed off he can't have instant access to his own money.

Hellocatshome · 01/12/2022 22:25

Why can't he have access to his own money? Even if its a smller amount than the total balance if they have a lot if money in the account.

TheFlis12345 · 01/12/2022 22:27

Can’t you just give him the money from your account and get it paid back from his account another time?

CombatBarbie · 01/12/2022 22:28

Can you not give him the money and he gives it back Saturday 🤔, he's not wrong though, town's are getting rather busy on weekends

I don't understand why he needs both parents signatures, or is it an inheritance trust style account?

EL8888 · 01/12/2022 22:28

He’s (want to be) controlling and entitled. It’s not an emergency. It’s hardly as if Saturday is Christmas Eve. If it was that important he should have asked earlier.

It does make me laugh when accusations of being selfish are bandied around. When people actually mean: you aren’t doing exactly what l want and you have boundaries

UsingChangeofName · 01/12/2022 22:44

I don't think you should leave work early, but surely there are other options ?

He's not wrong about the shops being packed on Saturdays in the run up to Christmas.

As others have said, could you not just get something out of the cashpoint from your own account tonight and then transfer it from his account / get it out and repay yourself on Saturday ?

But I also can't understand why, if he is old enough to go shopping on his own, he doesn't have access to some money of his own. If this is some large amount you don't want him to be able to access, fair enough, but surely he could have a small amount of it in an account to spend as he needs / wants.

CombatBarbie · 01/12/2022 22:51

EL8888 · 01/12/2022 22:28

He’s (want to be) controlling and entitled. It’s not an emergency. It’s hardly as if Saturday is Christmas Eve. If it was that important he should have asked earlier.

It does make me laugh when accusations of being selfish are bandied around. When people actually mean: you aren’t doing exactly what l want and you have boundaries

Context is key here..... How old is he, why does it need 2 parental signatures, why doesn't he have access to some of the money if its a trust account.

Its not selfish to ask for your OWN money, thoughtless to not have asked earlier perhaps.

NoSquirrels · 01/12/2022 22:53

He probably wants it for purposes other than Christmas shopping, if it’s time sensitive.

He can ask his dad, eh?

How old is he? Why hasn’t he got a bank account he can access?

EL8888 · 01/12/2022 22:54

@CombatBarbie reasonable to ask for your own money l agree. Not to demand someone leaves work early to do it, it’s not an emergency and most likely work colleagues / manager won’t see it that way

Original poster
moolady1977 · 01/12/2022 22:55

I have just started work again after having my granddaughter so I don't have the sort of money he wants sat in my bank account. It is an inheritance style account hence both parents signature and also he does have money of his own which he got on the 28th and has blown already . Both my son and his dad are playing the you are selfish card because I won't dance to their tune .
I know the shops with be mega busy on Saturday and it's the last place I want to be but I work all week so unlike those two it's the only time I will be able to do it

OP posts:
5foot5 · 01/12/2022 23:12

Just throwing this in as a random thought.

It sounds like the account has been set up as it is so that your DS can't get free access to the money until he is old enough to be deemed responsible. If he has had money on 28th and already run through it then he is not showing signs of being very financially responsible. So maybe you would be not only reasonable, but actually correctly fulfilling the brief, to say you will not sign at all until you know exactly what the money is going on. If people think that is controlling, well yes, that is surely the entire reason the inheritance is set up like that, so there is parental control.

Hellocatshome · 02/12/2022 08:17

5foot5 · 01/12/2022 23:12

Just throwing this in as a random thought.

It sounds like the account has been set up as it is so that your DS can't get free access to the money until he is old enough to be deemed responsible. If he has had money on 28th and already run through it then he is not showing signs of being very financially responsible. So maybe you would be not only reasonable, but actually correctly fulfilling the brief, to say you will not sign at all until you know exactly what the money is going on. If people think that is controlling, well yes, that is surely the entire reason the inheritance is set up like that, so there is parental control.

Depends how old the child is though surely and if the money was left in trust with OP being a trustee or wether that arrangement should now have ended with the child reaching a certain age.

Sonyrecording · 02/12/2022 08:35

If he's old enough to have access to this money then he's old enough to give reasonable notice to get some taken out. YANBU

Oooooooooooooh · 02/12/2022 08:36

Have I missed how old he is ?
If it needs two signatures isn't it meant to be saved until he reaches 18, 21 etc ?
I wouldn't leave work early

RedHelenB · 02/12/2022 08:37

I think yabu. He's old enough to go into town shopping by himself so he should behave to access HIS money.I'd lend him it until I could get it out of his account .

LIZS · 02/12/2022 08:43

They will just have to wait. But maybe you can transfer some into a more accessible account with him having card access. How old is he that he does not have access to his own money?

milkysmum · 02/12/2022 09:18

Two separate things really, the immediate - if you can't finish work early, you can't finish work early, and he'll have to wait till Saturday end of.
Then there is the question of how old your ds is, and whether it might be reasonable for him to have an account that has some money in that is easier to access.

tealandteal · 02/12/2022 09:23

If he’s allowed to draw it out whenever just take it all out onSaturday and he can put it in a normal bank account. Don’t leave work early.

5foot5 · 02/12/2022 09:25

RedHelenB · 02/12/2022 08:37

I think yabu. He's old enough to go into town shopping by himself so he should behave to access HIS money.I'd lend him it until I could get it out of his account .

We don't know enough to say that.

My DD and her friends were old enough to go in to the local town from 11 or 12. But if she had had a lot of money left in a trusr for her I wouldn't necessarily want her accessing it or just dipping in to the funds without good reason. Hell I would not have let her dip in to her building society account at that age unless it was for something special.

Dragonskin · 02/12/2022 09:26

He should have asked for it early then shouldn't he

purplemama1990 · 02/12/2022 09:47

If he already had money on the 28th (4 days ago!) and already blown through it, then surely this is a life lesson to him that he shouldn't spend all his money at once? If he knows when he next getting some cash, he needs to make his money last until then. Unfortunately, once he's working, he can't just go say to his work that he'd like his salary early this month because he's already spent all of last month's. He needs to learn to manage his finances better, and waiting until Saturday when he wants it earlier is a very small lesson in this.

CombatBarbie · 02/12/2022 14:51

moolady1977 · 01/12/2022 22:55

I have just started work again after having my granddaughter so I don't have the sort of money he wants sat in my bank account. It is an inheritance style account hence both parents signature and also he does have money of his own which he got on the 28th and has blown already . Both my son and his dad are playing the you are selfish card because I won't dance to their tune .
I know the shops with be mega busy on Saturday and it's the last place I want to be but I work all week so unlike those two it's the only time I will be able to do it

Most would class this as a drip feed. I retract my previous post. If he's already had money that he's blown then yes he should wait until its suitable for you.

UsingChangeofName · 02/12/2022 15:34

What @purplemama1990 and @CombatBarbie have said in the last two posts.

Initially I (and I presume others) were thinking this was perhaps a 14yr old who wanted £30. Your drip feed suggests differently.

Original poster
moolady1977 · 02/12/2022 16:42

I do apologise for the drip feed I was tired when I wrote the post and have only just got in from work to reply , he is 18 and wants to get his gf something nice for Xmas and use the rest to do his Xmas shopping which is why he wanted the money straight away . I didn't finish work eàrly and I'm just waiting for a reply as to what time his dad will meet me in the morning at the bank

OP posts:
Theraffarian · 02/12/2022 16:45

Are you sure your bank has a cashier service on a Saturday still , many if not most don’t nowadays.