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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you get the teacher an Xmas gift..

110 replies

twohomesneeded · 01/12/2022 21:31

... that you don't forget the TA?

It doesn't have to be another gift, just a card from your child (or you) saying how much their support is appreciated.

Being a TA can sometimes be a thankless (and occasionally challenging) task and this one small thing could just make your child's TA smile and count themselves lucky to have great kids and parents at their school.

OP posts:
clpsmum · 03/12/2022 11:44

I think people should or shouldn't buy presents for whoever they want to and not just because they think they should

Unicorn2022 · 03/12/2022 11:59

I always used to get the teacher and TA the same gifts through primary school. They don't have TAs in our secondary schools and my children refuse to take gifts in for their teachers nowadays.

NorthStarRising · 03/12/2022 12:06

I love a card telling me I’ve done a good job, or saying I’ve made a difference.
I have some I’ve kept for decades.

crussont · 03/12/2022 12:06

twohomesneeded · 01/12/2022 21:31

... that you don't forget the TA?

It doesn't have to be another gift, just a card from your child (or you) saying how much their support is appreciated.

Being a TA can sometimes be a thankless (and occasionally challenging) task and this one small thing could just make your child's TA smile and count themselves lucky to have great kids and parents at their school.

No ffs stop making it a competition

crussont · 03/12/2022 12:07

girlmom21 · 01/12/2022 22:08

Well it depends how much interaction the child has with the TA and their relationship, surely?

Working in the same room as someone who's being given a gift doesn't entitle you to a gift.

Yes this. There's enough social pressure to get the teacher a gift without having to get one for the TA too.

crussont · 03/12/2022 12:08

JanglyBeads · 01/12/2022 23:41

So the (I'm guessing primary) teacher gets a gift, but the much lower paid TA will be gushingly grateful for a small card, right.....

Show quote history

They should both be grateful for anything they are given!

crussont · 03/12/2022 12:09

Managinggenzoclock · 02/12/2022 08:55

We have a class rep and money collected is always divided between the teacher, ta and other staff who contribute to the class (e.g 1:1 LSA)

Sounds a bloody nightmare. I'd hate that.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/12/2022 12:49

I agree with the op!

Pumperthepumper · 03/12/2022 13:06

I really think we need to stop saintifying people who work in schools. It’s a job - TA aren’t in it for the love of it, they’re in it to make money and get school holidays. If you want to support them, forget this ‘a smile goes a long way!’ nonsense and start campaigning for more money into education.

summers2016 · 03/12/2022 13:14

Totally agree Pumperthepumper.

Abraxan · 03/12/2022 13:51

earsup · 01/12/2022 22:36

Is buying for teachers etc a new thing....??...in 27 years i got a few cards from students....nothing else....in fact it was very rare to get a card or a gift...!!

No it's not a new thing.
It's happened for many years.
Certainly when 20y dd was at school.
Was happening when I first started teaching in the mid 90s.
I re her primary school teachers receiving gifts at Christmas when I was at school in the 70s - very average comprehensive primary schools in fairly deprived council estate areas too, not leafy green wealthy places.

Survey99 · 03/12/2022 14:24

TAs aren't in it for the money, there's not exactly career progression for them in this role; they do it to support children.

Jeez, it is not an altruistic career. They are in it because it is a job that pays them, with hours and benefits that suit them and the stage they are at in their lives and they chose the jobs because they (hopefully) enjoy working with children.

Just because someone chose a job because they enjoy working with children doesn't mean everyone needs to give a gift or thank you at Christmas, and asking for one as if it should be given is ridiculous. If a TA truly does the job to support children the pleasure they get is seeing the day to day results of their support.

If someone has a positive influence on a child the time to thank them is as part of their job, either when a particular incident happens or at parents evening, perhaps at the end of the year when they move onto another teacher/TA, not at Christmas.

thingumybob · 03/12/2022 21:59

Pumperthepumper · 03/12/2022 13:06

I really think we need to stop saintifying people who work in schools. It’s a job - TA aren’t in it for the love of it, they’re in it to make money and get school holidays. If you want to support them, forget this ‘a smile goes a long way!’ nonsense and start campaigning for more money into education.

Trust me, nobody is a TA for the money. The money is shit. I'm on a pretty good rate for a TA and I'll make around £13k this year. I could definitely earn more elsewhere but I actually love working with children. 25 years ago I was earning more than twice as much in a different job but I didn't enjoy it at all.

I'm not really bothered about presents but it is nice to be appreciated. It can be very hard work and feels rather thankless at times.

Whee · 04/12/2022 07:05

No TA anywhere is in it for the money anymore. And that's why soon the only TAs that schools can recruit will not be suitable for the job. Recruitment is a nightmare at present (as I appreciate is the case in many sectors).

IAmTi · 04/12/2022 07:16

No I can't be bothered with that. It's just a Christmas gift the TA can do without one. Why place more pressure on people at christmas to buy buy buy. The TA chose to do their job so o sympathy for them really there's loads of other jobs they could have done. I don't give the person I see every day in the local shop a gift. Literally just a £10 for the postie coz I feel bad this time of year all the parcels and they dont get paid enough and that's it.

IAmTi · 04/12/2022 07:17

thingumybob · 03/12/2022 21:59

Trust me, nobody is a TA for the money. The money is shit. I'm on a pretty good rate for a TA and I'll make around £13k this year. I could definitely earn more elsewhere but I actually love working with children. 25 years ago I was earning more than twice as much in a different job but I didn't enjoy it at all.

I'm not really bothered about presents but it is nice to be appreciated. It can be very hard work and feels rather thankless at times.

Show quote history

I think that's the same with a lot of jobs at the moment. People aren't thankful for anyone anymore

DontSpeakLatinInFrontOfTheBooks · 04/12/2022 07:34

My youngest has 2 teachers, 3 TAs, a taxi driver, a drivers escort and a therapist. They all get something, usually nice chocolate. I reason that if they’re not keen they can share with family/friends. They’re all brilliant and we’d be lost without them.

Thank god my older child is in mainstream high school and it’s not expected to give staff there presents, even the ones who deserve them.

Lollipop999 · 04/12/2022 07:56

In previous years I have bought for the teacher and the ta, but this year my do’s class seem to have 3 ta’s, all allocated to help a specific child each with sen, so I probably won’t bother this year as my ds is not one of them. With 32 in the class and a large number with sen, to be honest he could do with some support as he tends to fly under the radar and can struggle to understand what he should be doing, but is “meeting targets as expected “ so doesn’t qualify for any 1-1 or extra help.

I was annoyed with the ta the other week as my ds said they were doing a practical science experiment and one of the dcs with sen was loudly pleading to do it all himself, and the ta let him (presumably for an easy life). My ds came home fuming that he’d not had a turn and felt it wasn’t fair.

Wisenotboring · 04/12/2022 08:02

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 01/12/2022 23:21

If they are working with a group of children, as opposed to a 1:1, then yes , those children would be lower ability in whatever aspect of work they were engaging in and in need of TA assistance. Otherwise they wouldn't need TA assistance!

God good, are we really claiming children don't have differing abilities now? I bet no-one is objecting if their child is referred to as higher ability in maths, for example.

The reporting on attainment is literally based on expected ability in regards to age related expectations.

My dad can't tell me the the names of the TAs in her class. One is working 1:1 with a child who is working 3 years below his age related expectations and the other is working with a group of children who are lower in academic performance than the rest of the class - is that sufficiently round the houses for you?

Where I work interventions are to give children the opportunity to stretch a little further in attainment. Some of those are for children who are struggling, but others are to stretch and challenge high achieving children who would benefit from a push at that end. In most classes, whatever the formal remit of the TA most are engaged in all he class in a wide range of interactions. You aren't required to buy anyone a present but it is possible that you have an inaccurate understanding of the TA role.

HellsBells87 · 04/12/2022 08:12

I do usually when it's a TA who takes the whole class. This year though, they seem to have part time classroom assistants, I've seen 3 in one of my kid's class and I don't know their names. I've got 4 kids ( 3 in primary) so if I was to buy a gift for all their teachers and TAs I would have about 9 gifts to buy. I can't afford to do that so I will only be buying a gift for the teacher.

Rainallnight · 04/12/2022 08:16

The TAs in both my DC’s classes work their arses off. I’ve seen it when I go in for reading etc. And I know they benefit they whole class, so I find the attitude of ‘my child has nothing to do with them’ very odd.

I’ve bought small Christmas presents for DC’s teachers and TAs. We are lucky not to be struggling at the moment. I get it’s a different issue entirely if you are.

Like a PP mentioned, I do struggle with where to stop, though. Their music teacher is brilliant, there’s a PE teacher.

I always buy a big tub of chocolate for the office staff and another one for the kitchen staff. Both sets of people are so brilliant and work so hard.

ElmoNeedsThePotty · 04/12/2022 08:23

DS17 is in his final year at his amazing SEN school where he has been since reception.

There is one Teacher, 5 TA's and 6 other pupils, so 12 in all.

We buy them all a gift, send a card and write a lettter to the head outlining just how grateful we are for all they have done for us over the years.

We also buy for the receptionist and school secretary who are now more like old friends.

We can afford to do it and enjoy it. DS is an only child and we have no other family that we buy for.

Hashtagihearya · 04/12/2022 08:40

We have always split vouchers and presents between teacher and TA for the last 10 years.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 04/12/2022 09:09

I always got something for both the teacher and TA in primary. Now my child's in secondary he's got so many teachers, so I'm going to buy some tubs of chocolates and drop them off to reception for the staff. Along with a thank you card.

notdaddycool · 04/12/2022 09:10

In reception / Y1 maybe but after that the TA is focused on a small group. It’s difficult but with Josh’ multiple kids and join share teachers it’s a lot.