Another evening, another time where I’ve lost my temper with my son.
ive had some health issues lately - to do with fracturing my leg - which have meant it’s hard to do normal things. I pretty much do 99% of the childcare and also work - I have had to ask for help doing the school runs even though I feel awful for doing so. DP works long hours, is first one out in the morning and last one in at night so misses most of what’s going on at home.
My son who’s just turned 8 - is a usually a very lovely boy and sometimes showers me with kisses and tells me he loves me. But seems completely devoid of any empathy this last week. When I’ve had to walk slower than normal to the school there’s a lot of tutting and rolling his eyes in his head. When I’ve taken longer than normal to get dinner ready he’s whining and moaning at me. I’ve asked him to help feed the dog and is very defiant that’s my job and I should be doing it. , not him. Why does he have to do it, etc.
This morning, before he left for work, DP arranged my sons advent calendar so he would find it when he came downstairs after he left. All he did was moan that the elf didn’t come and was not interested in the slightest in the calendar (I’ve had to delay the “elf” coming as I haven’t been able to get usual stuff I put with it)
I just feel completely at a loss. I’m never allowed to be ill or have an “off day” and it’s really starting to get me down! My DP always tried to help when he’s actually here but I literally have to spell it out for him otherwise I just get blamed for not asking enough. I dont feel that anyone cares about me at all or it would even matter if I wasn’t here.
My parents and inlaws know about the situation but refuse to help as “they don’t know where DS classroom is exactly” (this comment was made pre covid as to why they couldn’t take DS to school one time I was poorly. I ended up taking him myself and he was very late to class and I was sick on the way home).
My DP managed to take DS to school one morning this week and it was like it was the best thing on earth - he’d rather do it with daddy than have to go with mummy all the time I was told.
So after constantly whining and moaning that I wouldn’t help him get ready for bed I just lost it and shouted. It’s happened more and more lately, he just ends up being sad and I end up feeling guilty and he then makes it clear that his dad is his favourite parent because he doesn’t shout at him.
Not sure what I’m after here but I’m just feeling sorry for myself and a little down about everything, thought writing it down would make me feel better.