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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ExH duplicated Santa gift

16 replies

AllTheFours44 · 01/12/2022 16:07

I’m really annoyed with my exH, but am unsure if it’s warranted. How would you feel.

ExH and I have a friendly relationship and coparent 9 yo well together. Part of our arrangement includes him staying in my house from Christmas Eve onwards each year. We both get to see our DD gifts from Santa, have dinner etc. It works well.

My DD wrote her Santa Iist last month. I showed him, told him I would sort it and he could just pay me his share. This was done, no issues. He also buys a gift from his mother for her. I suggested he get one of the items off her list (LED lights, btw). All agreed.

It now transpires, after talking to my daughter that he has not bought the item we agreed, but has bought another item. An item I have already bought. I told him I had everything on the list except the lights, so he knew I had bought it. Like what the actual hell? Why would he do that?!

I have phoned him and was probably more aggressive than is warranted. He told me that our DD wasn’t sure Santa would get her what she wanted. Probably not least because I told her it wasn’t a guarantee Santa could get it (a K Pop album with photo cards). It’s the thing she most wants. I just wanted her to be extra excited upon opening it. So he decided to buy it too. After she told him even if Santa comes through, she would mind having 2.

He listened to her instead of
me. Who the fuck needs 2 albums the same??? And we still have to get the poxy LED lights (even though I thought I was done), which was another thing she really wanted.

I know in the scheme of things it’s not the end of the world. It’s just really irritating. So, AIBU?

OP posts:
WaffleIron · 01/12/2022 16:14

It just sounds like you both need better communication with each other to be honest.
You may have previously discussed the list, but you've subsequently told your daughter she might not get the give (admittedly to excite her), which she's then gone away and told her dad about. He's then bought it.

It's a case of no harm no foul all-in-all. One of you can simply return the item and get something else. To be calling him up and getting aggressive over something so minor is a bit alarming.

Teadrinkingmumofone · 01/12/2022 16:15

Meh. Just refund your version, if he won't/doesn't, and buy the other thing

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/12/2022 16:17

So you’ve bought her everything on her list bar one not very exciting sounding item, leaving him with no options and no opportunity to enjoy getting her something she really wanted and seeing her happy with it? That seems a bit off. Do you think he was trying to make that point?

Original poster
AllTheFours44 · 01/12/2022 16:24

Just to be clear, not aggressive in a “I’m going to physically hurt you”
way. More a “why the hell did you buy something I’ve already bought and not what we had agreed???” way. But yeah, I was certainly annoyed.

She highlighted the things she really wanted. The album, the lights and one other item. So it was something she really wants.

I think I’m outside the return period. I’ll see if he can. It’s stupid, I know. But he has form for buying her stuff I might have mentioned I was going to get her for her birthday, for example. Like he has no patience to wait. Weird.

OP posts:
Newwardrobe · 01/12/2022 16:26

It's just a simple misunderstanding, nothing that can't be fixed.

YellowTreeHouse · 01/12/2022 16:29

Of course YABU. Why should he have to buy off your list anyway and be told exactly what to buy?

Your anger was unnecessary and you should apologise.

StrawberryWater · 01/12/2022 16:34

One of you get a refund or she can have one for each house.

Original poster
AllTheFours44 · 01/12/2022 16:35

YellowTreeHouse · 01/12/2022 16:29

Of course YABU. Why should he have to buy off your list anyway and be told exactly what to buy?

Your anger was unnecessary and you should apologise.

It’s not a case of being told. He always buys something off the list on his mother’s behalf. This year was the lights. He could have chosen whatever he wanted. They were one of the cheaper items and I didn’t want to cost him any more than was necessary. I pay the lions share towards gifts as I’m the higher earner. I was trying to do him a favour by keeping costs down!

OP posts:
Original poster
AllTheFours44 · 01/12/2022 16:36

And it’s not my list! It’s my daughter’s wish list.

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 01/12/2022 16:40

I’m muddled, has he bought---- something from her Christmas list that he knew you’d already bought, and given it to her already?

Original poster
AllTheFours44 · 01/12/2022 16:42

No, he hasn’t given it to her. He has told her he is buying it for her from her grandmother for Christmas. She will get it Christmas morning. In fact, she’ll get two…

OP posts:
YellowTreeHouse · 01/12/2022 16:55

Mountain, meet molehill.

Original poster
AllTheFours44 · 01/12/2022 17:00

Yes, thank you for your input @YellowTreeHouse. I am aware it is not the end of the world. I said as much in my OP. My AIBU is not ascertaining if the issue is serious. It’s asking if I am unreasonable in feeling annoyed. It is asking if anyone else would find it annoying. It’s a no from you obviously. Thank you.

OP posts:
MRSDoos · 01/12/2022 17:16

I’m with you OP it obviously isn’t the end of the world but I can’t wrap my head around why he would buy your daughter a gift he already knew you bought her!

If he really wanted the kpop album to come from his mum he could of text and offered to pay you for the one you purchased and you could of got the lights

Captone · 01/12/2022 17:51

No I get it. You're organised and think it through carefully, communicate clearly - and he just does whatever he wants. And somehow people think you're the unreasonable one. I'd be annoyed by it too, OP.

Herejustforthisone · 01/12/2022 20:54

Captone · 01/12/2022 17:51

No I get it. You're organised and think it through carefully, communicate clearly - and he just does whatever he wants. And somehow people think you're the unreasonable one. I'd be annoyed by it too, OP.

Exactly this.

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