To not let see DC's dad on his milestone birthday?

[Medusawithhair]

I'm not sure if IABU.

DC will be 13 soon and his dad would like to see him on the day. I am in two minds as my ex was abusive to me- still is, and I have an non mole station order against him. In that order it states that contact should be arranged by a solicitor or a third party- I.e. his dad.

I've told the dad to attend the contact on DS birthday through his mum. But his very angry, he keeps saying that his not talking to his mum and doesn't see why he has to- tells him that I'm fucking up his relationship with his son. He calling me every single day accusing me of cheating.

It's not that I don't want him to see DC on his birthday but it's just that his dad hasn't gotten over the fact that I don't want to be with him and right now his a bit unstable. I don't know what to do.

Your post is a bit unclear -- are you saying that you communicated to your ex via your ex's mum that your ex can attend contact with your DS on your DS's birthday?

Stop communicating with him completely.

Stop communicating with him and report him for breaching the non-molestation order.

Does your some want to see his Dad? That is the only thing that matters IMO.

If he does, then arrange the contact by whatever means you have to.

your son is the most important person hear. Nobody else

Sorry his mum. Just a bit upset so my post is a bit waffly.

DC dad contacted me and said that he wants to see DC on his milestone birthday. I said that's fine but as the non molestation order says, he will have to go through his mum to arrange the contact. DC dad became very angry and said that his not talking to his mum and why does he need to do that blah...

No problem RE waffly post. Does your DS want to see his dad?

Yes he wants to see his dad. I've said that's fine but he has to go through his mum to arrange the contact.

You’ve done everything you need to do, you need to not respond to him any more, if your son wants to see his dad that’s fine but it needs to be through his mum or a different third party. Just repeat that and tell him you’re blocking him and do it.

At 13 if he wants to see it can he not arrange it with his dad?

Is there someone other than his mum through which you could go to arrange contact? I don't really know how these things work. If your DC wants to see his dad, and his dad wants to see him, and the non mol order says that it has to go through a third party, and your ex won't speak to his mum, then you could reasonably give one go to using a different third party if that is allowed.

Beyond that it starts to look as if your ex is being so obstructive as to be not terrifically reasonable.

Either stop replying or block his number. It’s pointless trying to have half a convo with him then directing him elsewhere to have the other half. Surely the point of non mol order is to avoid this?

He uses my son to get to me. He says he doesn't but he does. He keeps going on and on about me cheating on him (I'm not even with him!) but he still feels he has the right to control me.

Yes his mum or the solicitor.

The non mol order is there for a reason. Stop communicating with him completely- he’s using this occasion as a way to control you and your son. You’ve offered him a solution: sort it out with this mother. If he’s not talking to her that’s his problem, not yours. If your son doesn’t get to see his dad on his birthday that’s down to him (your ex) not you. Don’t accept responsibility for this.

Why aren't you reporting him phoning you daily? A non mol usually means no communication. You've got a go between, his Mum, so I don't know why you are allowing him to have the power he does.

I know it's not good that he is able to contact me. His allowed me to contact me about DC's- but it's also a way to know that I'm safe. The minute I go no contact, he is going to stalk me. He knows where I live. I will be moving houses in the next two months. When I've moved, then I will feel safe enough to go no contact.

DC is old enough to arrange contact with his father but ex is manipulative, bless DC, but if the dad wants certain information about me, the dad does it in a way where it's not direct but he is able to get the information from the DC. There was one time, a long time ago, that the DC- when he was younger mind, ask DC something along the gist of if I'm seeing a new man or is there a new man in the House. DC said yes and the dad got so angry that he went to my work place and was shouting all sorts at me. I wasn't even seeing anybody, we had a decorator who was doing painting our entire maisonette, to the point where he was coming in and out our home.

NO. BLOCK.