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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to tell me the first person who comes to mind when you hear the word…

94 replies

011899988I9991197253 · 01/12/2022 12:19

“Confident”?

Sorry for the cryptic ask, but I will explain my reason in a while.

OP posts:
BabyofMine · 01/12/2022 14:47

Pierce Brosnan sorry autocorrect fail.

Wisterical · 01/12/2022 14:49

Me.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/12/2022 14:53

I thought Michelle Obama but that's because I was thinking about her yesterday! On an average day I would probably mention a woman because I like to mention women when talking about positive traits, And I think it is. I know a lot of men who completely lack confidence and they don't get promoted.

And me, I'm very confident. Sometimes it's fake but over time it becomes real.

Catlitterqueen · 01/12/2022 15:02

011899988I9991197253 · 01/12/2022 12:27

Tell me a little about them.

Young, wealthy, privately educated. Used to being listened to and very well connected.

Dotjones · 01/12/2022 15:25

My first thought was Nicola Sturgeon (not in a complimentary way) and my second was Michael Schumacher (before his accident, again, not in a complimentary way). I don't agree that "confident" is sexist or only used to describe women, but I think most of the time it's derogatory when applied to someone. It's different when someone thinks they're confident themselves.

Talipesmum · 01/12/2022 15:27

I guessed you were wondering if it correlated to women. I realised when I thought of examples that I was thinking mostly of women.
I wouldn’t say it’s at all negatively used in my experience - much more of a compliment, and not with the same “poor silly female” connotations as “bossy” or “emotional”. But I do suspect it is more often used to describe women - perhaps because it’s highlighting something that people find more “notable” in women. You might be less likely to comment on a man being confident because you would perhaps expect a man to be more confident.
So I would try to be more aware of biases when using the description. If we apply words differently to men and women, it’s worth noticing. Are we more likely to comment on a man being “less confident” and a woman being “more confident”? If so, we are betraying our assumptions of the baseline.

Fink · 01/12/2022 15:30

I do think confident is used to describe women more frequently than men, although not by a huge margin, but I don't think it's always negative. Confident for me is usually a positive term (as opposed to arrogant or over confident, which are confidence taken too far) but it could be negative, if said in a snide way. Then again, most things can be used passive agressively when the word itself is generally positive.

AnyRandomName · 01/12/2022 15:31

My lovely daughter, who isn't over confidence but isn't fazed by things that I would have found daunting at her age.

I love her quiet confidence and self assurance

AnotherAppleThief · 01/12/2022 15:36

011899988I9991197253 · 01/12/2022 12:28

Oh, and I didn’t mean to enable voting.

That's because you used AIBU incorrectly.

011899988I9991197253 · 01/12/2022 15:46

AnotherAppleThief · 01/12/2022 15:36

That's because you used AIBU incorrectly.

ODFOD.

There, am I using it correctly now?

OP posts:
AgnesNaismith · 01/12/2022 16:19

Something I aspire to be. However I would call DH charismatic rather than confident, although he is evidently extremely confident.

see also: Demi Lovato

LBFseBrom · 01/12/2022 16:24

David

Bookworm20 · 01/12/2022 16:36

Actually I can kind of see it, though never thought about it like that.

When I saw the word confident, I did actually think first of women I knew who I would consider confident. But then I switched to think of men, and actually I was then thinking about not men I thought were 'confident' but men that were 'successful'.

I actually think I subconsciously consider all successful men to be 'confident'. Never thought of that before. But when I think of confident women I do not automatically associate it with the workplace. I think of much broader areas of confidence.

For example my friend with the bright red hair, and wacky dress sense, to me, ooozes confidence. Shes amazing. But she is not what I would consider 'successful' in terms of careers. I can't think of a single man I would consider confident in the same way. when I thiunk of confident men, they are all in high power jobs.
So weird.
I wouldn't consider it a put down to women though. I'd love to be thought of as confident!

maddy68 · 01/12/2022 16:37

My daughter

Whatafustercluck · 01/12/2022 16:43

My daughter.

cicatrix1 · 01/12/2022 16:43

My husband.

Hawkins001 · 01/12/2022 16:45

Lionel luthor

BeyondMyWits · 01/12/2022 16:48

Alex Polizzi, the hotel manager, she exudes an air of knowledgeable confidence

Saracen · 01/12/2022 17:06

Mick Lynch.

I speculate that your question is about gender, that people often perceive men and not women to be confident. I will now RTFT to see whether I'm right!

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