To just want to go back in time?

5 replies

VacancyAtNumber10AGAIN · 30/11/2022 23:46

I don’t acc know the purpose of this it just needs to come out I guess

Ive not long left an abusive relationship, my relationship with my mum and siblings isn’t great, we’re not falling out but we don’t really talk as much due to the isolation of my ex. I have no friends anymore, I don’t work as childcare isn’t possible. Reliant on UC.

I just want to go back in time, and take my DD with me. I lost my dad in 2015, my grandad in 2017 and my lovely granny in 2021 and I just feel so fed up. I have no friends or social life, I barely speak to anyone, I don’t go out much as a horrible side effect of the DV has been low confidence and bizarrely health anxiety. I was at uni but had to drop out

This feeling of wanting to go back in time can occur off anything, a song, a food, a drink or even those daft Facebook memories. And it breaks my heart because the person I was then wouldn’t even believe the person I am now could possibly exist. Even silly things such as tv shows from the 1990’s, mainly the royle family I can’t watch as it makes me wish I was back in 1998 despite me only being 2 at that time.

Im on an IUS coil I’ve piled the weight on, the abuse was financial and I’ve let myself go appearance wise. I am starting volunteering next month as DD will get her 30 hours of nursery. But I just want this feeling to go away. I must wish it was years ago about 40 times a day.

has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:

Sunnytwobridges · 01/12/2022 00:31

OP I totally get it. I’m in my 50s and My life hasn’t been great. I have small periods of time, esp the time i was in college, when I was really happy. I was with my first boyfriend and we had our futures planned out together. Every time I hear a song, see a tv show/movie or see the date/year, from those times I get very melancholy and sad.

Most of the years since then have been mostly unhappy for me - my parents divorced, I’ve been let go for many jobs, I was cheated on by two men and they broke my heart, my DM died, my dad stopped having contact with me, three of my dogs have died and now I’m having health issues.

i really don’t have any answers but just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone.💐

Original poster

VacancyAtNumber10AGAIN · 01/12/2022 00:48

@Sunnytwobridges that’s the exact same for me! The small periods when things have been really good and I’ve been really happy is always what I’m taken back to!

You sound incredibly strong to go through all that and you’re not alone either. Hopefully we get our happiness in the present day very soon xxx

OP posts:

Toseland · 01/12/2022 01:02

I know what you mean, and I do too, I miss my mum so much. I hope things improve for you

Original poster

VacancyAtNumber10AGAIN · 01/12/2022 02:51

@Toseland its just the worst isn’t it? I’m sorry to hear about your mum ❤️❤️❤️ Sending love and kind thoughts

OP posts:

ganggangrosey · 01/12/2022 11:29

I totally get this. I think without all the personal traumas, life just seemed better back then.

I think once you start volunteering, your world will open up slowly but surely. You will gain more confidence gradually and then start meeting people and getting more of a social life. Then hopefully you will start feeling more like the older you, but with more wisdom and squired strength. I still hanker back to the past, but I accept things change and I can do everything I can to improve the present and be grateful for it. I have met lovely people of all ages who all bring me joy.

Flip