Tooth Fairy wont come for bad behaviour

[thefairytheelfwhoelse]

Background: DD6 has been excited to lose her first tooth since about April time. Checking daily if any wobbly teeth. Finally one became wobbly and she has been really anxious about losing all week. It fell out today and she was super excited and very proud.

DD has also had covid since Monday and has not had a full night sleep with constant coughing since Monday and has not been at school. So is irritable. However, her behavior when she is tired is shocking! We are just through a very very bad month of name calling, lashing out, throwing toys, refusing to do anything that is asked of her. We were on the border of taking her to the Drs as thought there must be something wrong. As quick as it started it ended again, no known reason, it was a tough month. Only thing I can think of is she got her 4, 6 year old molars through plus her 2 bottom adult teeth in that month.
Fast forward to this evening she kicked her sister, I think in bad temper. DH told her 'that is it tooth fairy is not coming'.
I feel that the punishment of no tooth fairy is extreme. She apologised, was sent to her room etc. No tooth fairy also is not in response to the crime. Tooth fairy is to encourage brushing teeth, not for behaviour management. That is for us to manage. DH thinks tooth fairy can come a different night and DD needs to learn consequences for behaviour and that I am much to soft and not doing her any favours.

I would appreciate any thoughts. AIBU for allowing toothfairy to come. I am really beginning to question it and am happy to be told that I am in the wrong.

Ps I am not interested in if you think toothfairy should/shouldn't exist. That is not my question. I will be ignoring those posts.

I agree with you, tooth fairy can leave a note about how lovely and clean the tooth is with the coin etc. not the tooth fairy's job to monitor behaviour.

Ah well I definitely wouldn't have used tooth fairy for punishment for this.
I mean I'd probably make tooth fairy come tonight.
I mean she is the tooth fairy so how does she know she shouldn't be coming anyway 🤷‍♂️

I'm with your DH. Don't reward bad behaviour. Tooth Fairy can come another night when she's been better behaved.

The tooth fairy is not a tool for punishment, it is meant to be a bit of fun and magic.

Ah…I would rather make a parenting decision and say the you will not leave tooth out tonight for fairy because you have been naughty. Only if you can behave can you trade teeth with the fairy

It's a tricky one. I suppose you could say YOU won't allow her to put her tooth under the pillow for the tooth fairy but if she's good she can do it tomorrow. That way it's you punishing her not the tooth fairy.

Tooth fairy visiting should be about teeth and teeth alone. I'd still do it, with a note praising her well cared for tooth. She apologised so that should be it.

If you do decide to delay can you at least do something to keep the magic up a little bit as everyone knows she comes the night you lose your tooth? So say DH had a word with her or something to delay her.

Don't use the tooth fairy to punish.

DH told her 'that is it tooth fairy is not coming'.

What? How does he know? Does he have a direct line to Fairyland?

He's destroyed the tooth fairy before her job has even begun. I found that very sad, on your dd's behalf.

Also - she has covid and is exhausted surely you should be going easier on her.

Tooth fairy is for tooth cleaning. I would let her come. Maybe with a note asking her to behave well and keep brushing well too?

Poor child, suffering from Covid, coughing and lack of sleep. Very mean to use the tooth fairy as punishment especially when she’s been looking forward to it for so long. Please leave something nice under her pillow tonight!

I am a believer in natural consequences as far as possible. The tooth has no relationship to her behaviour. The tooth fairy only cares about the state of the tooth. I think it was ill considered, perhaps coming from anger or annoyance and a stupid consequence really.

Thanks everyone, it is helpful to have other peoples perspectives.

I got home from work in time to help her wrap it up and put it under her pillow. She apologised again to her sister when I asked about it. I have the fairy note written saying thank you for keeping your tooth so clean and remember to keep brushing morning and night!

I just wanted to check before I fully committed as DH is very upset with me. I just can't break her heart by following through with that punishment.

Elf's also arrived tonight, so they did leave a note saying that they have been watching and very sad to see them fighting and hitting but they know that they will be good and make Santas nice list. I was trying to compromise with DH punishment. Elfs have been forgotten about today with the excitement of tooth fairy.

Thank you for all your feedback. It is also helpful to know that a few of you agree with DH, as I know that he is not away out on his own and that this is very reasonable in some peoples view. That helps me process what he is thinking. DD does push us to the edge at times, so I understand how it could have got to this point. I also totally agree a better way to handle it would have been to say I am not allowing you to put your tooth under your pillow, so that it doesnt become the tooth fairy punishing her. She really would break her wee heart if she woke tomorrow and no tooth fairy for her first tooth.

I wouldn't be in favour of using a make believe figure as a form of discipline. It's silly and also manipulative, and I feel the same about Santa threats, Santa cams, the stupid elf on the shelf, when parents talk about the policeman telling them off etc.

If you want to do tooth fairy, that's up to you, but they shouldn't be used as discipline in my opinion.

Tooth fairy should come. That’s a huge milestone.

However, in this house, the tooth fairy lived down the road from Father Christmas and around the corner from the Easter bunny so could meet them in the street. And we all know that Father Christmas is currently making his list and checking it twice.

Personally think that's a bit harsh.

Update: Tooth fairy came DD was delighted. Money went to her money box. Her wee face was magical. Thanks for your feedback last night

Excellent!

I remember my little boy finding my Dad’s dentures and shouting “grandad you’re going to be rich!”

That’s great! Definitely the right decision.

The tooth fairy needs a continuous supply of teeth to make her fairy dust You're doing the right thing. DD will he delighted.

Out of interest, how much does The Tooth Fairy leave these days? I think I got 10p for mine, way back in the 1970s😁

This.

Your DH, rightly or wrongly, has already committed to involving the tooth fairy. You can't undermine him now.

Say you will leave out the tooth tomorrow night.

There definitely should be consequences for bad behaviour, but no tooth fairy is going a bit far. If DH is adamant could always leave a note from the 'tooth fairy' the first night to say 'please be nicer to your sister and if you are good I will come tomorrow', and therefore give her a second chance to amend her naughty behaviour.