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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DH for the money back

12 replies

Binkyl · 30/11/2022 22:01

I lent DH the deposit for his new car. We do pool money for all the household things but keep any extra money leftover in our own accounts.

Anyway it seems he's forgotten about it. Admittedly so did I until this evening but I don't know if I should ask for it back. He's a spender, including being generous with me (although I sometimes wish he wasn't, but that's another thread!) and I'm a bit more careful with my money, but I don't know if it's overly tight to ask him for the money back.

I don't need it for anything specific, it would just go back into my rainy day fund.

OP posts:

LimeTwists · 30/11/2022 22:03

Well, if you agreed as a couple it’s a loan then it’s not at all unreasonable to expect a repayment. If it was ever thought it would be ‘tight’ to loan it, he shouldn’t have agreed to it on that basis. So YANBU.

Original poster

Binkyl · 30/11/2022 22:16

Ok thanks. I know I can be a bit tight so just wanted to check!

OP posts:

Tyrozet · 30/11/2022 22:19

A deposit for a car isn't exactly small change! Tell him he needs to repay you.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/11/2022 22:19

Is it not your car, too?

Dacadactyl · 30/11/2022 22:24

I don't understsnd this way of doing finances in a marriage. Everything has always been joint for us.

HOWEVER, if I told my husband I was loaning him money, I would expect it back. But I wouldn't have married someone who wanted to keep separate finances iyswim.

OzziePopPop · 30/11/2022 22:24

How much was it? Is he likely to be able to afford it? What was the original repayment agreement?

Original poster

Binkyl · 30/11/2022 22:28

Aquamarine1029 · 30/11/2022 22:19

Is it not your car, too?

OP posts:

Sprouttreesareamazing · 30/11/2022 22:29

Me and dh have separate finances.. Last week he owed me 30 quid.
Short text about our day then I added don't forget you owe me that 30 quid. He paid up that night.. Yabu to be such a sap!! Your dh is being nice because he is smug you seem to have forgotten he owes you.

Original poster

Binkyl · 30/11/2022 22:30

OzziePopPop · 30/11/2022 22:24

How much was it? Is he likely to be able to afford it? What was the original repayment agreement?

£1000. And yes he should have the money!

OP posts:

Original poster

Binkyl · 30/11/2022 22:32

Dacadactyl · 30/11/2022 22:24

I don't understsnd this way of doing finances in a marriage. Everything has always been joint for us.

HOWEVER, if I told my husband I was loaning him money, I would expect it back. But I wouldn't have married someone who wanted to keep separate finances iyswim.

We have different priorities. I would never buy a car as expensive as the one he chose, but I don't begrudge him having it. I would probably feel differently if we only had a joint account and he was effectively taking my money to buy a fancy car

OP posts:

forgetfulbrain · 30/11/2022 22:44

I would probably feel differently if we only had a joint account and he was effectively taking my money to buy a fancy car

Well...he has taken your money to buy a car hasn't he? (Because he's conveniently 'forgotten' to pay you back!)

Dacadactyl · 01/12/2022 08:13

Binkyl · 30/11/2022 22:32

Show quote history

I understand. Maybe if my husband and I had different attitudes I would feel the same as you.

However, we have always had the same priorities and always agree on finances. Think it's cos (altho im only 37!) we grew up together and for many a year I was a SAHM, so there were times of little money. We HAD to be on the same page moneywise.

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