To just want to walk out

[Herewegoagainin2018]

I’m 48. Have 2 (very) small ones. And a teen. Neither of the little ones sleep properly. Always up at least once each at night. And properly up for the day by 5am. Neither naps. And older child not in bed until 9pm. Husband is lovely and works hard but doesn’t get just HOW MUCH I DO. I’m so, so tired. Probably peri-menopausal too. Last night was particularly brutal (up about 8 times) and I just want to cry. And I’m so, so grumpy all the time. If I didn’t love them so much, I would just walk away. If this was a job, I’d have 100% quit a long time ago. And I keep getting people telling me “how precious” this time is. What am I doing wrong? 😭😭😭

You aren't doing anything wrong. This is just life with 2 little ones.

Does your husband pull his weight when he's at home ?

Sleep deprivation is the worst.

Could you afford a sleep consultant for your little ones?

You sound shattered.

You said H is lovely, can you talk to him about this? Would it be feasible to have a night away?

You are not being unreasonable, just human - and not alone!

Could you afford a bit of part time help to give you a break? How wonderful would it be to have some time to yourself.

Sympathies @Herewegoagainin2018 - I totally get how hard it is. I have 2 DC who are exactly 2 years apart and I remember the very, very long sleepless nights - I remember looking at DH sleeping when both DC were awake and thinking I hated him. I didn’t, of course - it was the tiredness and I don’t think anyone can appreciate how crippling lack of sleep can be on both your mental and physical well-being.

Is there anyone who can help you during the day, like nursery or a grandparent who can watch them for an hour or so? My DH had a high-stress job in London when DC were little so it was important he slept so he could work and keep a roof over our heads.

It may sound cliche, but this won’t last forever x

back to basics.
is the room dark enough.
are they eating enough dinner.
bedtime routine, dinner bath bed story
have they done enough during the day to wear them out.
fresh air in the afternoon
too much liquid before bed, waking up in a sopping nappy.
bedroom, too hot, or too cold. what do they wear in bed.
background noise in the house waking them up
do they have their own bedrooms, does one alway wake the other.

you have my sympathy, lack of sleep is a killer
my mum remembers Gripe water as being good for knocking us out !

Get your DH to take over on weekends. DH puts to bed (which is awful, have a sleep fighter) we share night wake ups, I get up with her at 6-6:30 but then get a lie in on weekends as DH gets up later during the week.

It has to be shared somewhere. We with both a bit tired rather than one person having a sleep deprivation breakdown.

I also find cold room warm body helps with sleep.

Thankyou all. Really appreciate the solidarity and recognition - that it is just bloody hard. And that I’m not the only one not “adoring” the pre-school years. Thanks also for the advice. I know what we should be doing - but we’ve frankly fucked jt all up. Both still addicted to bottles - won’t go to sleep / back to sleep without them. So, yes, wet nappies a problem, not able to “self-soothe” and tummies prob too full of liquid to eat as much as they should. I wish I could press reset and do it all properly. 🙈

Thankyou ❤️

Thankyou. Yes the wanting to kill DH feeling at 3am v familiar 🙈

Just wanted to send you solidarity, I'm 45 and if one of mine (7 and 9 now!) wakes me in the night I'm totally fucking shattered the next day so you must be on your knees.

Make sure you are eating as well as you can.

Do they have dummies?? I had loads of them in the cot and once they could find one and pop it back in it really helped with night waking. Sorry if they are too little for that.

Can't you leave him on duty for a weekend and book a couple of nights away in a hotel? Then when you get back, start on a new regime with the strength of some good quality sleep to fortify you.

Just posting to offer some sympathy. I had 2 DC18 months apart - early years nearly broke me. DH consumed by stressful job and I had no outside support as family & friends too far away. It was exhausting and relentless.

It gets easier and more enjoyable - don't despair and don't feel guilty xx

Can you afford a sleep consultant or night nanny for a few nights OP?

When my 2 were small, I squashed their toddler beds into our room. Our room was just a bed. No wardrobe access, no bedside tables or anything. But they slept. So it was a win.