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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Moving 30 mins away from kids school. AIBU?

50 replies

Xmasiscomingg · 30/11/2022 09:20

we have been offered a lovely property so we are feeling very lucky! but it is further out. In a small little village lots of trees and nice places to walk. Few little shops and there is a Morrison’s too.

The house is perfect and we have the option to buy it within 3 years of living there. Which is what we wanted.

We both drive so that’s not an issue, but we are very use to jumping in the car 5 minutes up the road to the school and popping to the shops going out for lunch etc..

So every time we go out now it will be a 30 min drive into town. 40 miles a day!

The kids love there school and have said they don’t want to move. So I am stuck with what to do!

AIBU to even consider it?

OP posts:
XmasElf10 · 30/11/2022 10:28

Move schools now. Much much easier at 6 than at 10 and an hour commute twice a day to do school run is going to be very hard to sustain.

leafblowaway · 30/11/2022 10:35

We moved whilst the children were in primary but it was only a 15 minute drive to the school which I was willing and able to do. We went from walking to school to having to drive. What you may find in keeping them in the current school is that it can be seen as too far for play dates by some parents. Also if one child does an after school activity what do you do logistically with picking one up and the returning for the other one?

My advice, take the house, move schools when places become available. They are very young and can easily adapt.

Sidking · 30/11/2022 10:36

Take the new house and move schools, at 4 & 6 they will adapt quickly, and going to the local school will foster friendships with local children (not as much of an issue at this age but in a few years when they want to go out and knock for friends)

We moved 200 miles away when my now 9yo was 5, the day after his 5th birthday halfway though reception year. He has thrived and though he missed his favourite friends for a few months he quickly formed new and closer friendships.

chikp · 30/11/2022 10:37

At that age move.

TeenDivided · 30/11/2022 10:39

I'm doing a 1hr round trip 4 days a week to drop my DD to college, and DH does the pick ups. We only committed to it as it is 2 years (or maybe 3) max, and it is the only suitable college in the area (she's not well enough to use the college transport).
No way would I do that so as not to move primary school for infant age children.

PeekAtYou · 30/11/2022 10:39

I would only keep the kids at the school if they were in year 5 or 6.
You need to check the entry criteria for secondaries. If there is feeder primary preference then I'd definitely move them so that they could go up with their new local friends.
Plus the 40 miles ... how long is it in rush hour ?

underneaththeash · 30/11/2022 10:40

Sounds like an amazing opportunity.
Just move schools, you and they will make some local friends.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 30/11/2022 10:42

Children of that age don't even need consulting about the move.

CarefreeMe · 30/11/2022 14:22

You are very brave admitting you’re going to buy your new home.
MNers usually get their pitch forks out when they hear about people buying social housing 😂

I would definitely move house and move schools.
Your DCs will fit in very quickly and become part of the community whereas that’s much harder to do if they go to a different school.

I say go for it!

gogohmm · 30/11/2022 14:44

At that age do what is right for your family long term, the kids don't get an opinion on which school they attend. Ideally i would suggest they finish the term, or full year at current school then move to a nearby school.

If asked most kids say no due to the unknown, stable living arrangements are more important but 40 miles a day isn't sustainable

cantley · 01/12/2022 00:39

Move.
They'll adapt and make new friends and be fine.
The driving will drive you mental very, very quickly.
You'd be hustling kids from the moment you wake up in the morning.
Nightmare you can avoid.

Redglitter · 01/12/2022 01:13

Children don't get to decide. Course they don't want to move but they'll adapt. You'd be mad to leave them in their current school.

They'll make new friends at home & school in no time

Roselilly36 · 01/12/2022 06:07

I agree with other posters, take the house and move schools. That journey will prove to be problematic, it will make the day longer for the kids, when they are tired after school, traffic at school time is usually very busy, for yes, 30min journey may not be 30mins at school times.

And as other mums have said, if one of the children are sick and you have to pick them up and your other child later on in the day, also, what about if your car is in out of action, how would they get to school then.

your two are very young, take them to see schools local to the house, they will soon settle.

good luck with your move Op

Ibouncetothebeat · 01/12/2022 06:10

Move the school unless it is closer to your place of work

Zanatdy · 01/12/2022 06:11

You’ll quickly hate the journey. The kids are so young and will quickly settle, I wouldn’t entertain driving them that far each day at that age. Fair enough if in secondary or last year or so of primary but 4 and 6 is so young and I wouldn’t give them the choice of staying in current school. I’d definitely move, but choose a local school

SafariRushHour · 01/12/2022 06:13

they have to move, they don’t get a vote. If they were secondary age then they could use public transport to remain at same school. End of primary school I would consider lifts to bridge the gap. However your kids are young, best move them now

LegallyBlondie · 01/12/2022 06:23

My 3 yr old DD attends a private nursery 30/40 minutes away and I can absolutely confirm that the travelling is a total pain. We're expecting DC2 and they will definitely be going to a nursery which is 5 mins away from us. You will presumably end up driving 2 hours a day just for school and it has more of an impact than you'd think. Def move schools that age if you can! House sounds like a no brainer.

rippleraspberry · 01/12/2022 06:33

It will be better for the kids ultimately to go to school near where you live. They will want to be going to friends' houses, after school clubs etc. it is so much better all round if you don't have to drive an hour to facilitate that. As others have said they are going to adapt quickly at their age.

milkysmum · 01/12/2022 06:34

If you like the house and the area is going to work for you ( apart from the school issue) then 100% move school at this age.

pinkfondu · 01/12/2022 06:36

Move and move schools. At that age I would change schools

Whoopsies · 01/12/2022 06:38

At those ages they are still so quick to adapt. I work in year 1 and we've had a few children start the school this year, after a week they were just part of the class, no issues settling in at all. I would hate to drive to school each day (we love very close to ours) and no way would I want to spend an hour a day in the car.

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 01/12/2022 07:17

I live rurally and have a 30 minute commute to take the kids to school. Personally I don't mind. Even when we lived in a village (a real one, with a newsagent and a mini-market not a Morrisons and no other shops!) it was a 20 minute walk to school (for me, more like 35 with the kids) so what's the difference practically?

Of course if you hate driving then it would be different. And if the local school is nice then I'd probably move the kids at that age too.

Sidking · 01/12/2022 09:15

I adore driving, and regularly make the 200 mile journey (one way) to visit family, I've even done it as a day trip with no bother.

I used to drive 100 miles round trip 2x a week to see friends and thought nothing of it.

But for the school run, absolutely not. School mornings are already stressful, add in needing to leave 30 minutes earlier (make it 45mins if you've not driven the route during rush hour yet), needing to deice the car in winter, icey roads slowing you down, trying to park near the school etc and it becomes incredibly annoying very quick.

Before we moved we chose to send our son to a school outside the local area because we thought it would be a better fit. The drive became a complete pain in my arse

Sprouttreesareamazing · 01/12/2022 19:44

When the baby started getting car sick and dd was holding a heap of vomited banana she agreed to move school!!
They settled very quickly.. Dd2 had a party invite the first week end... I assumed a toot and pick up. But no. Invited in for coffee.

Then remembered I was wearing my Where's Wally lounge pants!!
What an entrance!
Dd still friends 7 years later.

WondrousWinger · 01/12/2022 19:52

4 and 6?! Good lord, move them.

Don't ask their opinion - a happy child will always say they want to stay at the sake school and they're too young to put the weight of this decision on. They adapt quickly.

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