Feel like a failure in life

[Ilovemycatalot]

Been feeling so down lately and don’t have many people I can vent to in real life.
I’m 43 and have achieved very little in life. I rent a house owned by my dad sounds great rent is cheap but it’s not mine. Lately I want to move to a new area but as the house is not mine I can’t and feel stuck. renting elsewhere is not an option and with my current rent so cheap I guess I just have to suck it up. I can’t drive failed 4 tests and as I suffer with dyspraxia I am awful at what is a life skill and gave up after I ran out of cash. Single parent for 15 yrs to my dd and working in a just above NMW job so never any spare cash. I dream of having the normal life , partner house together running a car things that seem unobtainable for me. Sorry for the pity party not sure what the rant is for just utterly sick of my life

Also doesn’t help seeing these constant if you can’t drive your not a proper adult threads that appear every week on mumsnet.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I think duccess is being happy in yourself really not the trappings. Not bring patronising. I would imagine things seem worse with the squeeze on your income. NMW is crap.i know. Can you perhaps focus on one thing you would like to change or improve and tackle that? Single parent for 15 years. Is your daughter doing well? If do who has contributed to that success? 🤔mm, you

I don't drive either. Though I live in London so don't have to. I can assure you I am a proper adult.
Also, all single parents have my utmost admiration.
If I met you, I wouldn't consider that you have achieved nothing at all. Often it's MW jobs that contribute the most to society.

I know peopldvsay money isn't everything,which I know it isn't. It is demoralising though when you work and hsve to struggle. Take care

Thankyou for your reply yes she is really good and probably the only thing that keeps me going tbh.

Yes I work hard with little to show for it I just regret not making more of an effort to do better when I was younger.

Then you have succeeded! Most 15 year olds are hell on earth:)

You are a single mum, raising a teen, working and keeping a house. I'd say you are superwoman

Hey. It took me 7 yes 7 attempts to pass driving test. It was nerves but then I relaxed more to pass.it does open up a new life for sure.But not essential to living a good life. It gives me freedom and independence. Best wishes

re the driving, I do think it’s a life skill and gives you more choice in life but honestly I wouldn’t think less of someone who had given it a good go and taken their tests 4 times then run out of cash . The way I see it, you were good enough to take your tests 4 times. Some people never reach the point where they are even good enough to take you their test. And you didn’t give up the first time, you kept on and on. I have so much respect do you, I really do. What can you do, you ran out of cash, life has got so expensive. What I would say is, never say never with the driving. You clearly ARE good enough to be able to pass one day so if at any time in the future you have some spare cash or a willing person who would teach you for free, then you should just bloody go for it!

re feeling like a success or failure at life. I think everyone follows their own path in life. If you find yourself on the right path you’ll be happy whether that’s working NMW on a shop or earning 2 million a year as a CEO. We have all heard if miserable rich people and contented people who haven’t got 2 pennies to rub together. You have family, a daughter, so that makes you rich in my book

you’ll be fine, you’ll find your way.

It took me years to learn to drive but I passed eventually. Don't give up on that. You aren't a failure at all, you have a daughter, somewhere to live, a job, you're coping with it all. How do you get on with your dad? Could you ask him if you could have a year with a bit lower rent so you could save? Surely worth asking? Everyone has times when everything's shit, ride it out and look on the positives of what you have, especially having an affordable house.

Does it really matter that the house isn't yours though? Home ownership isn't the be all and end all and can be the cause of so many problems. It's the same with cars and driving. You are still a 'proper' adult. Don't take any notice of people who say adulthood is dependent on meeting criteria other than being over 18, it's bollocks. People just come out with this crap because they want to make themselves appear superior and put others down.
Focus on what you can change. Would you like to meet a partner? How about online dating then? What is stopping you?
Can you get your monthly outgoings down at all, even by just a fiver? Every little helps.
Can you earn more money? There's always a way.

You're not a failure at all. You have a lovely dd, work and support yourself.

Sounds like you need a bit more happiness in your life?

Took me years to learn to drive. In a way less people should drive as our dependence on cars is killing the planet but no-one sees it that way.

I'm dyspraxic and drive trucks as part of my job. I'm good (have less bumps than most drivers I've worked with and regarded as a good driver by employers) but I wasn't a natural when I learnt to drive cars at the start.

Admittedly, that element of my dyspraxia is probably less pronounced than in some people, but I don't think driving is really so much about relfexes/coordination once you drill in the motions (clutch control etc). I feel judgement and anticipation/understanding of what's going on is the main thing.

It's hard to explain but the big part for me is anticipating what's going to happen and reading the flow of traffic etc. This comes with experience and hours spent behind the wheel. I'd say don't give up and if you struggle with nerves maybe speak to your doctor about propranolol or similar. Helped me immensely with presentations etc when I was in an office job. You'll still feel a bit nervous but the racing pulse and adrenaline response will be muted. It's almost like your head wants to panic but your body remains calm.

People talk a load of rubbish on here with the whole
If you can't drive you're not a proper adult and stuff on here.
I don't drive. But I don't care that I don't drive either.
I did try like you.
Yes ultimately you have more freedom but if you don't drive you just find ways around it really.
There's nothing at all wrong with that.
And there's nothing wrong with not owning a house either.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so down.

I am mid-30s but my life also hasn't worked out how I had hoped and I really relate. I don't have a husband/partner or kids, don't own a house, have not even had a single driving lesson and am not currently employed due to illness. I know that people have all of those things and still feel low but it does feel so hard not to get stuck constantly comparing yourself to other people!

But I am really sorry about feeling shit
Been feeling really bad today too
It's really hard ☹️
But it doesn't mean you're a failure because of those things

Know the feeling op, feel like a failure most days and it's a very hard feeling to get rid of. Hopefully you can overcome it.