Seeing dd school work when she doesn't want me to !

32 replies

lollipoprainbow · 29/11/2022 16:34

Dd10 autistic hates school etc. At the end of each term they have a 'fab finish' where parents are invited to see their child's work. Last term my dd didn't want me to go and got all upset and embarrassed. She has another one on Friday and again she doesn't want me to go. I can't bring myself not to go, I've seen other children before whose parents haven't gone and they sit there looking a bit sad and other parents look at their work instead. Do I do and embarrass and upset my dd or look like a shit parent for not bothering to go?!

OP posts:

PorridgewithQuark · 29/11/2022 18:48

BeanieTeen · 29/11/2022 18:38

I wouldn’t accept that to be honest. You are responsible for them, that includes having responsibility for their education. It’s just simple parenting to know how your child is doing academically, it’s not a private matter for them in my opinion. It’s like not wanting your parent seeing what you eat or which route you’re taking to school. But as above, is it worth the conflict? I would ask the teacher to send maybe a photo in an email or something to avoid the stress for now.

sorry BeanieTeen I somehow read the word "not" in your post without it being there and completely changed the sense! I thought you were saying that secretive behaviour was fine but not wanting to display school work in front of lots of people was the hill to die on. I see that you weren't saying that the secretive behaviour is okay! I apologise!

PorridgewithQuark · 29/11/2022 18:53

carefulcalculator · 29/11/2022 18:47

I can't bring myself not to go, I've seen other children before whose parents haven't gone and they sit there looking a bit sad and other parents look at their work instead. This makes no sense, as you are not parenting those children, you are parenting your DD, who has expressed clearly they will be unhappy if you do go.

If your DD has a diagnosis of Autism, the school can make a reasonable adjustment and either allow you a quiet look at another time (to suit the teacher) or take a couple of pics and email them to you.

I would respect my child's wishes.

I assumed the OP means that she is worried that if she takes her daughter at her word her daughter will be even more embarrassed or awkward or sad about being the only one without a parent and other parents will make it worse by attempting to compensate for the lack of parents by trying to look at her work.

All of which would be even worse than the OP showing up, having pre warned her DD, and simply sitting with her and talking about neutral topics to fend off sympathy/ awkwardness/ dd being looked at curiously.

Nottodaysausage · 29/11/2022 18:53

I think it might be one of those circumstances where you have to go and show her that it's not weird or embarrassing.
A lot of children will feel a bit shy about mum and dad coming in, not just those with ASD

Original poster

lollipoprainbow · 29/11/2022 18:54

@PorridgewithQuark that's exactly what I meant !

OP posts:

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 29/11/2022 18:58

Could she choose 2 or 3 pieces to show you? Could you come and not look at her work?

2bazookas · 29/11/2022 19:16

Tell her you understand how she feels but it's part of your job description as a parent, to keep an eye on her education. You want to have a good look at the classroom and all the evidence it contains of how well her teacher is doing her job. So, this is one of those occasions a parent can't shirk.

tiggergoesbounce · 29/11/2022 19:16

It depends if you are up to speed with how she is getting on at school or not.
If you have good communication with the school then it would notbe as important to look at her work.
If this wasnt the case, im afraid my opinion is, she is 10. If you want to go to the school you go to the school, you are the parent, she doesn't get to tell you what happens.

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