To have the telly off when the sitter is here

[SherbettingSherbert]

DD does nursery 2 mornings a week so I use the sitters.co.uk service on other days when I have a freelance project on (I'm self employed). Usually just 3 hrs at a time.

It's worked well and most sitters have been really great.
I try to be as considerate as possible, sitters are welcome to eat, drink whatever they see and I don't expect any nappy changes or meals to be made or given due to the time-slot. I'm in the house anyway and happy to take a quick break for that. DD is 2.5 and no longer naps.

She has books and toys (not a room-full, but enough) and we have a small garden with a little swing and slide if they want to get outdoors for a bit.

One thing I'm not so keen on is having the telly on. We're not against screen time and have used it but DD can get fixated so we're limiting even more now. DP and I don't have it on either unless were watching something specific in the evenings.

I don't want the sitters to get bored here so I mention they can stick it on if they need a break. It's not been a big problem and most don't at all or do for a little bit towards the end.

However, we've had a couple of sitters going straight for the telly option, on for almost 3 hrs of kids TV with DD mostly sat like a veg.

Admittedly it's only been a small number of times but I'd like to stop it happening again and take the TV option completely off the table.

So am wondering...

IABU: It's not fair to ask a sitter to be here for 3 hrs without the option

IANBU: They're there to look after DD and it's ok to expect their attention to be on her the whole time

Also, any suggestions for extra games or activities to provide so I'm not asking them to sit together in silence would be great. (silence and toddler hahahaha)
We have a little ipad and I would be happy for them to use it to stream music or the radio though.

(Apologies for the long post, I'm not always great at being concise!)

Thank you!

No definitely not being unreasonable. I am an agency nanny (although no experience with sitters.co.uk) and I would always avoid TV for toddlers unless it's absolutely the last option e.g. they're being really fussy or I need to make food and can't safely leave them around me. This is more likely to happen over a longer period, but 3 hours is a very short amount for babysitting.

The site positions the childcare offered as a bit of an exceptional/occasional service. The hourly rates are very low and more babysitting remuneration than dedicated childcare professional rates so I wouldn’t be surprised with tv watching - I’d just expect the child to be kept safe if I booked through this. If I regularly needed childcare I’d make a more structured arrangement for care with a provider covered by the early years foundation curriculum.

Yadnbu , we had the same . I am always v accommodating towards babysitters as we have three kids but usually when we got one when they were small, I timed it so the youngest would be napping, no nappy changes , the dcs would already be fed. It isn’t cheap per hr where we live either. I always said if they wanted or it was too much for them they could put on the tv for a little bit, this resulted in all of them sticking it on for hours, it pissed me off so much tbh….
I remember being their age and babysitting and I interacted with the kids and played with them, I wouldn’t have dreamt of sticking on the tv for the whole time as I got that the parents were paying me and that I should try and engage the kids. We gave up tbh and now kids are a bit older and we just swap over a lot.

I’m not a fan of tv for kids but I’d be interested to test how long we actually spend entertaining/supervising a toddler non stop without going out for a walk, doing household stuff with toddler alongside us, e.g. just putting out this washing Dd, you can help me, etc

Im very old so in no way claim to have a fresh memory of caring for a toddler in their own home. However, I do remember once being asked to care for a child who didn’t know me, while their parent worked upstairs and it was pretty hard.

I think it's a question of expectations really. Only ever used sitters.co.uk for evening when my youngest was 7ish. I seem to remember it was expected that they would be kinda ready for bed etc. Although actually they were always very happy to play/read stories and chat etc.
I think you can probably work through who clicks with what you are after and just not have again those that don't.

I tnink its a bit unreasonable expecting a young babysitter to occupy a child they dont know indoors for thst long tbh. I alwaýs found toddlers easier in the outside world

I think the “no nappy changes” is grim. Sitters should change a toddlers nappy when it is needed. I always did as a sitter. I’d scrap that right away. A minimum is surely that your child isn’t sitting in their own urine or poo for up to 3 hrs.

I think no TV is a fair rule. I’d add some activity toys they can do. Like toddler sized giant legos. Those big wooden jigsaw puzzles. Colouring books. Cars/trucks to push around with dolls for imaginative play. A play tent. Hand puppets.

As well as taking the remote away, unplug the TV.

I think you are confusing childcare with babysitting .. sitters is for babysitters in my view

Yes it's a long time to occupy a kid in one room which is often the case when the weather is bad.
As I said before, kids of that age have a very short attention span so very hard to keep them engaged in any particular activity. Looking after my friends 2 year old in a similar scenario was mindnumbing. All the activities and toys got about 5 minutes of his time and then that was it. Very tough.

YANBU, but this does seem like an odd childcare arrangement. Surely a regular childminder/nanny would be better and no more expensive? Then you would get more continuity, and they would get to know your child. Rather than a succession of random sitters?

No judgement though - I know how hard childcare can be to find. But if you have a choice of sitters, surely there must be a suitable nanny?

Why wouldn't you expect them to change their nappy?

Can't you use a childminder instead? Or a regular one or two babysitters rather than a different sitter each time. It must be a bit unsettling for your child to be looked after by a different sitter each time.

This

I think you are confusing the issue by virtually inviting them to put the TV on.

Perfectly reasonable when you are paying sitters rates, to expect the person to be able to entertain a toddler for 3 hours.
Although it would of course give more options if they were able to take them out.

2.5 year olds are often quite difficult if left with unfamiliar people. They can clam up, say very little and refuse to engage with activities, because unknown adults are frankly quite scary to them.

These can make it quite hard to use ad hoc childcare like this. The babysitters don't know your child at all and so it will be quite hard for them to key into her usual likes/dislikes to get her really engaged in play for any length of time. This is probably why the baby sitters are desperately putting the tv on.

Have you considered looking at local childminders who might have capacity to help you where your DD would have the same regular carer? This might help.

I agree it does seem an unusual/odd set up. Is it an option to increase the Nursery hours?

Yes or can't you just up her sessions at her usual nursery?

Presumably you give them a list of general information etc? Or greet and talk to them about your child and her routines/quirks/interests? Simply add "I limit her screen time to 20/30 minutes a day"

This is why I would never do day time babysitting its what, £10 an hour and its so much harder. Some families want you to look after four children for the same hourly rate. I would let them put the tv on for the last half hour its not a big deal for that rate.

Mmm I think for three hours that's fair to ask. I used to do 8 hour days (3 kids under 6 and no parent at home so no break!) as a sitter and I really needed some time in the afternoon so we'd have "cinema afternoon" whilst the youngest napped. But when I did shorter shifts I'd plan for us to do something like an hour of painting, an hour of playing and an hour in the garden etc. It would help if you suggested things but it depends what you're paying too!

I'm guessing things have changed, but when I used Sitters they were only for evening babysitting of children that had been put to bed.
We weren't very happy with them but that's another topic altogether. But surely they were never qualified nannies?

To answer the question that seems to be coming up a lot as to why I don’t just up her nursery sessions or get a regular nanny.

As I mentioned in my OP I’m self employed and work freelance. This can be very on/off. I can have a project on for 2 weeks then nothing for 1 maybe even 2 months. Work is profitable when I’ve got it but we can’t cover the extra cost of nursery when I don’t. And similar with a nanny, we can’t ride the cost when I’m not working and it’s not fair on a nanny that might need stable work and more hours.

The arrangement is indeed unorthodox but frankly it’s the only way we can afford for me to work before she turns 3 and starts getting free hours. Also, it’s only 3 hours 2 days a week for about 2-ish weeks at a time. She’s not having a revolving door of sitters 5 days a week for 6 months on the trot!

They’re not a nanny. For a sitter I’d say YABU.

I didn’t say ‘no nappy changes’ @Onnabugeisha I said I don’t expect the sitter to do it and I’m happy to take a quick break to do them myself

Sitters.co.uk are AWFUL. Use them at your own risk. I wouldn't.

I get what a lot of you are saying about expectations of a sitter vs nanny.

but they clearly advertise daytime childcare and we always book a very obvious day/afternoon slot so I’m not sure anyone is expecting to turn up to a slumbering tot

In terms of rates they set a suggested rate and we always pay more than that.