This happened years ago and it’s all water under the bridge now, but i had forgotten about it and it popped into my head last week. I hadn’t realised how much it had affected me and I still feel quite upset about it all.
as a child, I was terrified of water. I used to hide because I was so scared to go in the bath/shower and I couldn’t swim. I was taken to lessons but I wouldn’t go in the pool. My phobia was because I was scared of drowning.
my mom was the opposite, she loved the water. She loved swimming, diving, going on slides, jumping, handstands under water, etc. She never understood why I was so frightened and used to shout at me for not going in the bath or call me a baby for not going in the swimming pool.
I was brought up by my parents but also by extended family. My extended family spent a lot of time with me building my confidence around water slowly and they got me to the stage where I could go in baths, showers, go in the swimming pool and actually swim. I never liked it but they got me to the point where I could just about manage to swim which was a massive step.
One day when I was around 10, my mom took me to the pool with her and her friends. I was minding my own business and swimming about in the shallow end (I wasn’t doing anything to embarrass or upset her) and her friend (who I trusted) said she would give me a backride. I didn’t really want to because i still didn’t like the water but I knew my mom would be angry at me so I agreed. She went up to the deep end but I wasn’t scared because I trusted her. All of a sudden I saw my mom signal to her and she lent back and let go of me and dropped me straight into the water. I panicked but tried to remember my swimming and was struggling to stay afloat, then I felt a hand on my head push me down and hold me under. I’ve had some scary moments in my life but nothing will ever top that. I was struggling and fighting to get up but I was being held down. It probably wasn’t that long but it felt like forever and I honestly thought I was going to die. Eventually I managed to get up and was hysterical and saw my moms friend looking upset and shocked at my reaction and my mom laughing and shouting at me to grow up and stop being a baby. Needless to say I burst into tears and screamed the entire place down (and my moms friend realised I was still struggling to stay afloat so she pulled me out of the deep end) my mom was furious at me- she said she did it as a joke and I was a crybaby and an embarrassment and that she wished I wasn’t her daughter. Her friend was really upset- my mom told her to do it but she thought I would take it as a joke, she didn’t realise how frightened of the water I was.
I’m honestly not sure how it happened with the lifeguard etc- I think they suddenly saw what was going on and shouted over and that’s when my moms friend let me back up. I just remember the lifeguard giving my mom into trouble and telling us to leave because I was completely hysterical after it. My mom was so angry at me on the way home and called me an embarrassment, cry baby and said she hated me and just the usual sort of thing. She was absolutely furious and said I ruined everything and she wished she had my aborted.
After that, everything I had learned and built up with my extended family was gone- I was terrified of all water again and we had to start from square 1. I couldn’t even go in the shower. We got there eventually again and now as an adult I can swim but I’ll never be comfortable in water.
like I said, it was years ago and no point dwelling on it now, but I still feel so hurt and upset that my mom would do that to me. I’m probably being silly still feeling upset about it all these years later but I felt so frightened and the idea that my mom was behind it really upsets me. I’ll never forget her laughing face when I was screaming and trying to stay afloat. I know my mom tried to be a good mom to me and usually was, but I feel so angry at her for doing that to me. I don’t know what I did wrong to her- I wasn’t embarrassing her or being annoying, but I feel so upset about it even after all these years