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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to change DS's application for 2nd choice primary school because of this...

17 replies

soopermum1 · 31/01/2008 15:20

DS starts school in September. First choice is lovely Catholic school, application is no problem. Second choice is C of E school. Now, when i went to visit, the HM showed himself to be really horrible just because i asked about breakfast and after school club (made it very clear he doesn't think it should be allowed and I should just change my working patterns)However, school was lovely, kids were lovely there, it's within walking distance so I thought 'what the heck' and put it down as 2nd choice.

Now, my scatty Parish Priest at Catholic church has not filled out the Priest reference form correctly. So school secretary phoned me and said she'd pop it in the post as I said I would try to call Priest as I won't see him this Sunday as am out of town and application closing date is getting closer.

The Priest's house is a 2 minute walk from this school, so I suggested, rather innocently that it may be easier to just pop it round. Now, I can see why she may not have wanted to, fair enough, she could have just said no or suggested I pick it up. But the way she replied was as though I has asked her to jump off a cliff. She went from being very friendly to incredibly huffy.

An now having doubts about this school based on expeiences of two of it's staffmembers when I have, as they would probably say, spoken out of turn/ not said the right thing and allowed my Priest to be so damned scatty as to miss out one box on the form. Am getting a bit concerned that if my son ended up at this school then I would probably make enemies of the Headmaster and school secretary within days. I am not a confrontational person so am not sure how i have got such a reaction so am a bit scared that if my son went to this school, any tiny question or deviation from the norm would be dealt with, with a huffy, rather rude, attitude- argh!

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 31/01/2008 15:22

YAB rather U to expect the school sec to take the form to the priest sorry!

2shoes · 31/01/2008 15:24

i really wouldn't worry. i had a falling out with the head at ds's primary and it never affected him.

FlameNFurter · 31/01/2008 15:24

You want a school secretary, of a school your children aren't at, to wander round and drop in a letter for you???

Try working in a school office, then see how huffy you would get with that request.

Desiderata · 31/01/2008 15:25

First choice Catholic, second choice C of E is making me snigger a bit. Sorry

Porpoise · 31/01/2008 15:26

Hmm, think I may be able to cast a little light on their grumpiness:

Lots of HMs are huffy about 'wraparound' care at the moment because Gov is expecting all schools to prepare plans for extended hours. And it's a damn difficult job (am a school governor, so I know!)

Most school secretaries are run off their feet and many cultivate an air of formidableness to protect themselves from the more pushy parents (NOT putting you in this category by the way!)

I really wouldn't reconsider your choices just because of these two incidents.

Sort that priest out, though

princessosyth · 31/01/2008 15:28

I wouldn't reconsider, they will have forgotten about it in days.

Original poster

soopermum1 · 31/01/2008 15:30

Desiderata, not sure what the sniggering is with catholic school 1st choice and c of e school 2nd choice is. i have 3 schools within walking distance of me, one catholic, one c of e, the third non denominational. put them down on the form in that order. confused, now

OP posts:

ConnorTraceptive · 31/01/2008 15:33

I think the heads views on wrap around care are valid IMO, like porpoise said it's difficult job.

I know many school secretaries I think you would have met with similar response from most of them.

GetOrfMoiLand · 31/01/2008 15:50

Don't think you are being unreasonable regarding the after school club. However I wouldn't let the HM's attitude to that particular topic put you off what you think is a good school in other areas.

However you are unreasonable to expect someone to hand deliver something for you. It may only be around the corner but it is rather a cheek. I used to work in a school office as a bursar and they are pretty frantic places and pretty understaffed and underappreciated. You wouldn't make such a request of anyone in a similar role; imagine if you asked a secretary in the council offices to hand post your council tax bill because it was around the corner! No wonder the school secretary sounded huffy!

Anyway, if you like the school I don't think you should worry overmuch about these two incidents.

nametaken · 31/01/2008 16:06

You were v. unreasonable to ask this of the school secretary. How could you even think it was OK to ask this?

Agree with the others though, don't let it put you off either school and they will have forgotten about it in days.

Original poster

soopermum1 · 31/01/2008 16:07

OK, apologies to all those school secretaries out there, sounds like it was an unreasonable request of the school secretary. Still don't think the HM should have been so huffy though re after school club, it was a simple question, did the school have one or not, not a request to enter into the debate of the validity of them or the work involved in setting them up. and, no, am not requesting a debate on them, or their validity in this thread, just in case some of you out there were about to draw up a chair and reach for the popcorn

still confused re catholic first choice/ c of e second choice post though.

OP posts:

FlameNFurter · 31/01/2008 16:23

Out of curiosity - do they have an after school club? (Thinking if not then she might have had lots of arsey parents and already be defensive )

Original poster

soopermum1 · 31/01/2008 16:29

do you know, what, we didn't even get to that bit. HM just ranted about how after school clubs were invented for poor parents who had to go out to work not middle class parents wanting to pay for their 3rd skiing holiday. bearing in mind he knew nothing about me and i certainly wasn't wearing skiwear that day . i did say that i didn't go on skiing holidays then decided to cut my losses at that. i presume they don't have an after school club.

OP posts:

FlameNFurter · 31/01/2008 16:47

Lol - By that I am thinking that it is a "nice" school (so not many working class pupils), and they don't have one, hence the arseyness

Bramshott · 31/01/2008 17:00

I would be much more concerned about that sort of comment about the after school club from the HM, who should have enough sense / tact to hide his feelings and maintain a good relationship with a prospective parent, than about the comment from a probably harrassed, hard-pressed and underpaid school secretary trying to deal with 50 forms at once.

eleusis · 31/01/2008 17:04

I'm afraid you ABU. It is the Priest/Vicar's job to get that form to the school, and not the other way around. The school can not step in and act on behalf of a parent to up that one child's chance of getting in.

I know it's a pain, but it is you who has to chase up the priest/vicar. I just put in a nursery applicatio for DS at the COE school attached to our COE church. DD already at the school. And even I had to go appear in person to the vicar to get him to fill out the form. I teach Sunday school and he knows full well who I am. I did suggest to him that the nanny could pop round but he said sorry, I have to have you in person. Bit of a pain, but I managed to sneak out of work on a long lunch and have my in person chat/interview/whatever it's called.

This is frankly a very small price to pay for getting my kids into the school of my choice. Teaching Sunday school is however a much more significant inconvenience.

Original poster

soopermum1 · 31/01/2008 17:18

you're probably right, Bramshott, think the conversation with school secretary just touched an already slightly sore nerve re the school.

re the secretary, i wasn't asking school secretary to go over the form with the priest, had asked her drop it into his letterbox rather than via post, and that i would phone him, but as i already said, have conceded i was BU in asking this. i have done the whole thing of going to see the priest and that's fine and what i expected for entry to 2 religious schools.

OP posts:

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