Co-parenting with a very selfish person

[Amberandgreen]

We are in a middle of divorce, my husband left me with 4 kids ( youngest was 1). I work. Last week I had to leave my work twice to collect sick children, I stay at home with them always. Last year I had to explain to my employer why I had so many absences. Their dad works in the City and I never know where he is, last few months he simply « disappear » during the week, and never replies to my messages, nether he replies to his mother’s messages, he just turns up as nothing happens on Saturday picks up whoever he wants and brings them back in a couple of hours..,
So this week I realised that when I was trying to contact him to collect our poorly daughter he was actually with OW because « she needed him »....

I got down with a cold myself, his mum kindly took children, while he was entertaining children of the OW as « they are going through a difficult time »...I have no energy to fight with him, just feel sorry for my children. He actually offered our son « to join them next time »...,but he doesn’t want to join he wants to have his own time with his daddy...
My friend thinks I should not let him behave that way to me and children, but i don’t know what I can do. Most of the time it’s better when he is not there.... As he is do unpleasant to us..

Wait, so he offered for your son to join next time with OW's kids? But not his three other children. Also, this statement is so fucked up "he just turns up as nothing happens on Saturday picks up whoever he wants and brings them back in a couple of hours"

His is an awful father and will more damage to your children than good.
It's sound like your ex's mum is nice though. Think you could completely cut off your ex, explain to his mother why and still maintain that relationship? Maybe can open up to her about how hard this has all been?

It's completely understandable that you feel sorry for your children, I hope you don't beat yourself up over it because really what they need right now is their mum to look herself and heal.
Please don't let this unreliable selfish unworthy man back into your lives. He does not deserve to waltz in whenever he wants do whatever he pleases and then just leave (then with weeks with absolutely no communication!!) So damaging to everyone.

Try to lean on friends and family, be kind to yourself, working single parent of 4 sounds really fucking hard I don't think I could do it. Your kids will be okay!! They have you

You are NOT co-parenting because He is not parenting. He is being (at best) a weekend father and at worst no father at all.
Definitely cut him out and try to keep a relationship with the grandmother. You will be lucky if you get a reasonable and regular amount of child support. Being a single parent of 4 children is difficult, but you already are doing it. It will be easier without having to cater to your Ex.

Thank you so much for your comments, my mother in law was always helping with children, but was supporting her son, until she realised how unkind and horrible he really is , when he turned his abusive behaviour on her..
Our middle son has ASD and ADHD, he is a lovely boy who loves his daddy but he is very vulnerable....they share a hobby with his dad and he loves spending time with him ( he really takes others). I feel my ex is using him, he has a small yacht and he needs a second person, so he comes and gets him when he needs...my son think that “ daddy needs” him, and always happy to go...
yesterday my son was desperate to come with him , so my ex rung him! and picked him up, in the car he told him that OW is in the club too. He put my son on the boat on his own ( without appropriate clothing) and went sailing with the OW....then rung to say that poor boy feels unwell (no surprise as he didn’t even gave him a hat) and he thinks he has an ear infection...

I’m so disgusted by that behaviour...,but if I try to limit his contact with my son he probably will be devastated...my daughter doesn’t want to see him... I just don’t know what I should do..