Party etiquette - do you have to reciprocate invites?

[PointeShoesandTutus]

I’m about to book DDs party and when I’ve read the finer detail and actually had a think about it it’s thrown up some dilemmas!

DD is in reception in a class of 32. She’s desperate for a party at a trampoline park near us, who allow 15 for the party room. Obviously DD would be one of these, plus we’d need to invite her best friend from ballet and our neighbour’s little girl as they play together all the time. So that leaves 12 spots for her classmates.

DD has been to a few parties so far this term. Do we have to invite those kids? They’ve been whole class parties at village hall type places so no number restrictions. Normally I would, but if we invited those children we wouldn’t have space for all the children she actually likes best and plays with! Also it seems a bit unfair on the summer born children who haven’t had a chance to have their parties yet!

Also - twins. Do we invite both? There are two sets of boy-girl twins in her class, and she plays with the girls in both pairs, but not the boys!

Arrgh! This is a minefield!

(Yes - I’ve tried to persuade DD to have a village hall party, she’s been determined it has to be a trampoline one for about a year now!!)

Eek! Forgot the vote thing!

YABU - invite the ones you’ve been to the party of
YANBU - let DD choose her besties!

Let DD choose her 12, kids should have autonomy to decide who's at her party

As a twin mum I am delighted when one gets invited somewhere by themselves by the way!

Nope, invite her actual friends and perhaps try to do some playdates with the others if she's remotely friends with them.

No. She invites her friends. If others choose to have whole class parties that's great.

She decides otherwise the children born June /july would never get an invite

Also very early days- friendships are very fluid at this age

A reception class of 32? Two children got in on an ICS appeal?

Sorry, that’s not really the point. IME reception parties always invite the whole class, especially in the autumn term. Smaller parties start in y1 when friendships are more established. Have you checked that the trampoline park allows four year olds in open sessions?

12 out of 30 is enough that those not invited won't feel left out. When we've been restricted on numbers most of our school just do "girls" or just boys.

I'd do something else with friends outside of school personally like having them around for tea the night of her birthday.

kinder with reception parties to be inclusive to be honest.

Normally I would reciprocate invites, but not in this case where it's been whole class parties.
Let her pick who she wants and it's fine to invite 1 twin. One of my DDs had boy/girl twins and lots of the kids in the class just invited the girl or the boy, depending who was their friend.

At DS's class there's been a mix of whole class parties and small parties with just a few invited. As far as I know nobody has been upset by either. DS is happy when invited and happy for the birthday child when he hasn't been. If you have a maximum of 15 then numbers are out of your control. Invite the 12 that you want. I assume you always take a gift when attending a whole class party so you have already reciprocated by doing that, a gift in return for the invite.

Off topic but yes - very very irritating and as a result of a shortage of places in our area and an admissions cock up on the part of the LA apparently. There’s an investigation going on by the local councillors as parents not happy!

I’d rather do a whole class party too but she’s not interested in anything else so it feels mean to say she has to have a totally different party. The friendships aren’t quite as fluid as 2/3 of the class were in nursery together for 2 years prior.